to have weird feelings about friend's silence re. sudden wealth

332 replies

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 18:04

So, I have a wonderful friend who I love very much.

Long story short, she and her husband had a crappy rental when we met and now they're on their third absolute palace of a house. I only found out about her change of circumstance when I went to her first amazing house. She said nothing at all, just gave me the new address. I was stunned when I saw it, and happy for them. Assumed they had just been saving hard for years. He's a GP and she's an eternal student - she's very clever, was working on a physics fellowship at Oxford when we met. Since then she's been doing a long PhD part time, which obviously doesn't pay but is important. They got married and had kids a few years ago.

Anyway, nothing was said about the amazing new house and what a huge upgrade it was from their previous rental. We (me and the other lovely friend in our trio) were simply invited over and nothing was said.

Then they got a second incredible new house, and kept the old one to rent out.

Then they moved across country and I haven't seen her for a while, due to me looking after my terminally ill dad.

She's just sent me a video of her sons dancing around, and their third house since their new circs looks more majestic than ever.

I do realise that it's her and her husband's business. This is why I have never asked her about it, and never would. She clearly doesn't want to say anything, or she would have. His grandparents died not too long before they got their first mansion, so I suppose they must have come into a ton of family money. Or won the lottery! But I remember their rental, and it's just SO WEIRD that she keeps pulling amazing house after amazing house out of her sleeve and has never said a word about their very-changed circumstances.

I don't know why, but it just makes me feel a bit odd, the way that things have changed so much for her and yet we are supposed to just studiously ignore it!

AIBU?

OP posts:

HollyhockDays · 09/12/2025 18:16

GPs are pretty well paid. Have you never said “wow love the house” to see what she says. To be fair most people start in a “crappy rental” and move up.

Bringemout · 09/12/2025 18:15

Honestly I think people tend to have bad experiences when they come i to money they haven’t “earned” people expect them to share it. I’m not saying thats you OP but if I won a million I wouldn’t say a single word about it to anyone.

ViviPru · 09/12/2025 18:14

I agree OP. It’s none of your business as you’ve acknowledged but close friends who are blatantly sitting on a big piece of information but act like it’s nothing get on my nerves too although I’d never do/say anything about it! I’m also quite open about my financial situation to close friends and appreciate when others reciprocate but recognise that’s not for everyone

JacquesHarlow · 09/12/2025 18:14

This is why as a British person I hate living here and have much preferred living abroad, where in New York people are far less interested in how you've become wealthy, and far more interested in celebrating you or just hanging out. Same in Hong Kong when i lived there, (yes outing).

In Britain, everyone who gets wealthy is viewed with suspicion as if they ripped someone off. In Britain people will wait to commiserate with you in the hope you fail to make them feel good. I can't stand it.

YABU @NewNameforThisPost2025

parietal · 09/12/2025 18:13

It is very likely to be an inheritance. And that is typically something people won’t discuss because the loss of a grandparent is sad and with windfall of money can feel random and odd.

just let her be and stay friends without discussing money

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 09/12/2025 18:13

Could you just ask her something along the lines of "Where did you get all your money from?" or just ask how much money she has?

YeezyBreezy · 09/12/2025 18:10

Why would she discuss her and her husband’s personal finances with you? Do you discuss yours in detail with her?

Why do you think she owes you an explanation? Also, is it possible she would feel awkward making a “thing” of it if she’s considerably better off than you and your other friend?

To be honest, you sound very jealous. Why can’t you just be happy for her that her life is going well and improved over the years? Is it because you feel she’s not “earned” it?

Unflip

1 2 ··· 9 10 11 12 13 14

Swipe left for the next trending thread