To expect financial support from my husband

Not much to add that others haven't said, I just wanted to say: be brave and be strong - you've a tough road ahead, but you and your children will be in a better situation at the end of it.

Your husband sounds like a gaslighter, so please don't listen to a word he says about what you'll be due Vs what he'll be due, and try to forget all the little earworms he's implanted which are causing you doubts and worries. He will have only slanted things in his favour.

As someone else beautifully said, you're not being greedy, you're looking after your children. Don't walk away from what you are due because you don't want to be difficult, fight for what you and your children deserve.

Absolutely prioritise pension contributions over paying off debt, especially student loans.

Most people have only hazy awareness of what compound interest actually means in hard numbers, but it’s really useful to crunch the numbers.

He needs to contribute more when you can’t. Failing that, he can contribute more if you divorce

To be honest, I agree with him here, that it is the same as you being on maternity leave. The difference is that I think you should both support each other financially.

Just to say that this is unlikely to be the best use of money - forgoing pension contributions in favour of paying off student loan. The earlier you can pay into your pension, the better. This is backed up by Martin Lewis who also says that it’s usually (for the majority) not worth trying to pay back extra on student loans to try and reduce the amount of interest accruing. Instead just pay the minimum repayments (usually through PAYE) and use the money elsewhere more wisely, eg pension or reducing mortgage etc.

Threads like this make me want to Weep.
Just weep. What kind of human is he. Who treats his wife like this?
I swear to god, i cant even anymore. I despair of men like this, i really do.
How the fuck does anyone even talk to them never mind have children.
Not a dig at you OP, he should be ashamed every day to wake up and be the person he is.
Leave the tight fucker. Just tell him shove his "marriage" up his hole. This is not a marriage. It really isnt.
Im 25 years married, Living together nearly 35.
Not once has DH asked me to pay anything when i was either out of work, on mat leave or a SAHM. He picked up the tab all the time, and manys a time we had nothing, and I mean nothing. I was never ever made to feel i wasnt pulling ,my weight. What with me having pushed put 3 humans he put there in the first fucking place.
Money was to make HIS FAMILY comfortable. and it still is.
Im so upset for you. If this was my DD, id fucking brain him.

Yanbu but because I know how my DH fritters money I made sure I had saved enough to add to my ML and only needed a month top up. Ideally he should have paid more and would have, however as older parents and years of waiting for DC I pre empted the finances so had chance to save. Xxx

What drugs is he smoking 🤣 is he planning on having the kids full time and paying the childcare fees so he can work ? Honestly I'm sure these men think we're clueless and just believe the crap coming out of their mouths like we dont have all our ducks in a row beforehand .

Please, for all that is holy, stop listening to him. Remember that knowledge is power.

so, you must do your homework - Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies (or another book about divorce), gather ALL financial documentation and have a look at Form E. Then see an experienced family solicitor.

This is the time to look after your own best interests and by implication your children’s. Once a financial consent order is in place there is no going back, so you need to be proactive and really focus on getting the best settlement you can.

I continued to pay 50% of everything on maternity leave, but I got a good deal from my company and my assists are worth 3 times what his are. Even if he was off work for 9 months he has 2 properties 🤯

The difference being that him loosing his job wasn’t a joint decision that you both decided it would be a good idea for him to stay home for 9 months.
You being pregnant and having a baby I assume WAS a joint decision where you both decided you wanted to have another child. You then sacrificed your body, health and job to look after your newborn baby for maternity leave AND to heal because you just birthed a baby!!!
Ultimately he should have WANTED to help you out financially. I have a strong feeling that you ended up doing the bulk of the night feeds, childcare, looking after the house ect whilst on maternity leave with him using “going to work” as an excuse and that it was your “job” whilst you were at home not doing anything? 🙄

This 100% 👆🏻

Either he takes the shared parental leave split equally with you and takes the hit on salary, pension and career prospects or you share expenses for the duration

I don’t believe in the Mumsnet way of one shared income and outgoings. My partner and I value very different things. We both work FT and therefore contribute 50:50. We also spend our disposable income very differently and invest in our future differently.

However during mat leave you are covering something he isn’t, therefore you need to financially cross charge him for that service. 50% of the hit you’ve taken.

Anything less and it’s a one way ticket to divorce for me

He has significant savings off your back. You are entitled to more than just 50% of the equity of the house. Take what you are entitled to

The f kind of twat did you marry???! Jesus...

Send him an invoice for looking after his child during your mat leave

He had a 50/50 marriage, he can have a 50/50 divorce.

OP, he's going to be an absolute knob no matter what you do. No matter how reasonable you are, or however you try to minimise yourself or your contributions.

Go for what you are entitled to - for yourself and for your children. I mean mortgage deposit, investment properties, business, pension. With any luck the value of that will equal the majority/all of your current home and then you can focus on giving yourself and your children the best life you can - he will do the same, but you dont need to facilitate that anymore.

There's no point taking whatever minimal amount he'll think is reasonable (no amount would be). Guaranteed you'll be the one paying 100% of the nursery bills, taking time off for sick children etc. Get yourself a decent lawyer and fight for what is in the best interests of your children.

When he compares income it should.be all of his income.... profit from rentals, dividends, salary and business profits, unless he co owns the business. If he has a salary of £35,000 to yours of £45,000 but he earns £80,000 in total then the 50/50 split is unfair.

He does have a lot of assets .. which means you have a lot of assets as a married couple.

How much it will cost you to fight him in court is unknown at this stage. You will have to weigh this up but at least you have a well paid job.

Your husband is ridiculous. My husband and I do have separate bank accounts, savings etc, but we would never separate it as ‘my money’ and ‘your money’. When I was on mat leave he sent me a sum every month to cover my usual wage. We worked out that I would be spending more money whilst on mat leave due to buying baby clothes/toys/equipment, attending baby groups, meeting up with friends, days out etc.

Why have another child when divorce is on the cards, totally unreasonable.

Is a 50/50 split of your finances fair though??

It is if you’re genuinely going to have a genuinely even custody split and your career hasn’t been impacted by having children. A man who won’t even support his wife on mat leave doesn’t strike me as someone that’ll pick up 50% of the parenting, even if they say they will.

If you’re the default parent that looks after them when they’re sick, pays for their childcare, etc then your earning potential and disposable income’s probably going to be affected and a different financial split may be fairer.

Are they his children ? Of course he should be stepping up , you have given birth to his children , you are a family . He needs a wake up call , he should not need to ask his friends / colleagues what their partners pay etc , he should do this automatically.

It’s to house his children, the ones he left for work without doing anything at all for. Someone has to look after them, and he has obligations. Tell him he might want his children homeless but you’re sure his dad wants his children housed full time.

id have thought his pension would be more. What about the value of his company?