To expect financial support from my husband

This is very weird. You borrowed from family to get by? What the actual f? And your husband is sitting there just watching this?

@PoisedUmberCrab

You need to stop listening to him. Only listen to a solicitor or the courts.

You are married so ALL assets regardless of deposits etc are joint. Stop trying to be fair, as he won’t play fair with you or your DC.

Divorce him and take more than 50%!!

Yes that is terrible.

I'm on maternity leave now, been on statutory pay since week 19. I saved a pot of money beforehand to give myself some spending money and to be able to contribute to the mortgage (my choice) once my enhanced mat pay came to an end.

We have around the same income if that's relevant.

DH also saved for the same amount of time so he can alone cover bills, nursery for elder DC and food/supplies for both DC whilst I'm on statutory.

Unless you are getting 100% pay on a decent salary throughout mat leave you need support (ime).

I agree. I suppose it depends on the situation. In my situation I’m divorced and my partner has a child to a previous relationship and so do I, however if we did have our own I would suggest a joint account for our bills and expenses for joint child.

This is absolutely gold star advice. Lots of my female friends are on poverty line as cash is v v v easy to hide as business owners.

Christ what an arsehole!! I earn less than my husband so we pay a fair split of the bills based on our salaries (think it works out I cover about 30%). When on maternity leave first time, we both saved to help cover that portion whilst off as husbands salary wouldn’t have been enough to cover everything outright. We also included for me to have a couple hundred a month for just general spending (toddler groups, baby sensory etc) as I was only eligible for maternity allowance. That was tough for us and I’d have loved to be in the position of some of these woman who didn’t have to worry about paying anything, but not realistic for everyone. But for them not to contribute at all is awful! Takes two to make a baby at the end of the day. I’m now about to start second maternity leave, thankfully we are in a better position with my husbands earnings so can be bit more relaxed, and I’m eligible for more pay through my work, but husband still chipping in of course

Ok, he isn't paying for your contribution but he should be paying for his children no, there are two of them and so his contribution should have increased, using that logic, including maternity leave costs.
He's just selfish financially.

You should never have to borrow off family he should be funding more for HIS children!
Good on you for divorce! Do it. And don't look back you deserve a million times better.

Housing needs of the children trump him wanting his deposit in full and 60% investment. Let him learn that the hard way! He'll only get that if there are the funds to do it after the children are house. Starting point is 50/50. But increases with need. You both need to be fairly homed. He can want, doesn't mean he gets.
As you're married, he doesn't get to decide this stuff and courts don't really enforce tenants in common or pre/post nups, or I want it, it's mind. Just because he lives in this it's all mine and you can't have it, courts don't recognise that, it's ALL marital i.e
joint, they don't allow for seperate finances when splitting assets even if you lived that way. it's all about the section 25 factors (ie housing the kids).

Setting a good financial example and not being used by a husband will better your children boys and girls in their future relationships. It might feel destabilising now, but normalising you being less than in a relationship is far more damaging, remember children treat themselves in adulthood as you treat yourself not how you treat them. Good luck on your journey 💟

Glad you have decided to take action on this @PoisedUmberCrab
He sounds like such a dickhead. He doesn't want a wife, he wants a flatmate.
I wonder how he has such a bizarre outlook on finances? Does it come from his upbringing?
My husband and I have a joint account where most of our money goes. We both keep the same amount of 'pocket money' back for random treats. All other spending comes from the joint account.
When we first got together, we earned more or less the same. He now earns nearly 3 times the amount that I earn. We have always seen it as 'our money'.
Also mat leave is not the same as redundancy. You should both support each other through both scenarios, however, parental leave is an active decision from both parties

You need to be greedy for your dc sake. He’s shown you who he is where money is concerned and if you have to go through cos he will organise the business so you get the bare minimum.

@PoisedUmberCrab Why on earth didn’t you charge him the equivalent of 50% of what a nursery fee would be for his share of you looking after his baby while you were on nat leave? I would have given him a monthly invoice just like nursery issue for your ‘work’. To be frank, when it gets to that people need to separate but meanwhile while getting ducks in a row, monthly invoices it is!

I fear this man is going to fight dirty OP! Keep strong.

Not sure it is the same, he was at home doing nothing, she pushed 2 babies out probably breast feeding, was he getting up in the night to help with his children I doubt it. If he had to employ a wet nurse & 24hr nanny I wonder how much that would cost? My arse it’s the same.

Read the updates now

Good luck

ABSOLUTELY I would second this opinion.

I’m assuming these were his children you were carrying and taking maternity for? Charge him rental fees for your body, and maybe renovation fees. And childcare for maternity leave. Asshole!! Take whatever you can get. He’s built those savings off your back.

He's a twat. Glad you're starting the divorce ball rolling, good for you.

During my first pregnancy, we decided to share all money, entirely. We have joint current account plus joint and separate savings but it's all shared, it just depends on best interest rates, regular savers etc. I have no idea who pays for what specifically, we both do for everything. Much simpler.

Another marriage where finances are not shared. Not a true marriage is it?

You should have split the pregnancy 20 weeks each.

My own view is that once children enter the equation all money should go into a joint account and both parents can take the same (agreed) amount out every month to pay personal expenses. Getting married invalidates previous will, having children invalidates previous financial arrangements!

Holy mother…I’m so sorry OP. Fuck fuck fuck. At least it sounds like you have supportive family to lean on after you leave him.

I can only assume you’re married to my first husband, as your situation is exactly what he had in mind, if I’d become pregnant.

Luckily (with hindsight) he left me before I conceived. But even before then, he earned shed loads more than me but still expected me to pay 50% of everything. I was permanently skint and borrowing petrol money from my parents.

Why are women taking on the physical and financial burden of children? Why did you grow this cunt a baby? He won’t even provide for a family. Get rid!

Your husband is a piece of shit. In all the years I have posted and read here, I’ve never had such a visceral feeling of anger towards someone else (a total stranger at that.)

Tell him he can fuck right off @60% 🤣