To expect financial support from my husband

If you're doing 50% of the finances is he doing 50% of childcare?

WTAF? No. No. No.

DH and I combined our finances and bank accounts when we married. When I was on maternity leave with DD1 I just spent whatever I needed/wanted out of the joint account and on the joint credit. Never even occurred to me to do anything else? Did exactly the same when I had DD2.

I've never earned anywhere near as much as DH but he's never once questioned or queried what I spend. If he did then I simply wouldn't still be with him. He knows I don't run amok with our money (well not very often).

They do say 'birds of a feather flock together', so he might be right. There are many shameless men like him to be found on here too.

He sounds like a child rationalising his behaviour by saying everyone else he knows behaves that way.

I’m usually not one to support LTB but this is horrible. Who treats their wife like that?

Well he can fuck right off with that ‘expectation’. None of that is likely

Well tell him no that isn’t happening he should have ringfenced his deposit

just hit the button OP

You wont ruin their lives if you go now, rather than stay while it gets worse. Guarantee though, youll be doing most of the parenting

Better that way than staying in an unhappy marriage xx

You won’t ruin their lives @PoisedUmberCrab they will
have issues either way to be honest…that’s the human condition.

Why did you have a second dc when you knew how things would pan out financially OP. Marriage to me means a shared pot, you both should feel the pinch financially of having dc.

That's shitty OP. You should charge him for childcare!

Isn't he ashamed to call himself a man or even someone's husband?
YANBU at all, but if you stick around, you know what to expect on the next MAT leave.

I can understand why women are withholding their wombs, because no-one should procreate with these wastrels.

Edit - good grief! You did this twice? YABU too. I can't even blame him entirely.

Have you billed him for half the costs of all the items for the new baby? On a non joking note this is really outrageous of your DH and you need to be having a serious conversation about joint account and joint spending. Unless there is a massive backstory eg you have a gambling addiction or hid debts from DH etc.

I bet he didn’t do 50% of the housework and childcare did he

is everything split 50/50 now you are back

but seriously why did you stay an do it again

Okay, what on earth made you do this twice?

I wonder what he'd expect to happen if he lost his job, was unable to work etc.

Why on earth did you have a child with this man?
Why are you funding his child for him?
He is completely out of order and seems to have no care or respect for you.

Bet you pay more towards all the kids stuff. You need shared finances once kids are in the picture, it's too easy for mum to be abused otherwise.

I can't understand men who are happy to see their partners suffer and struggle. That's not a partnership.

@PoisedUmberCrab i have to ask! Why did you have a second child with him?!

You’re being unreasonable to have had a second child after he pulled this stunt the first time

Having children is a joint effort and commitment.

Your husband is acting as if the cost of having children is entirely on the mother’s shoulders. Did he say to you, before you went through the aggro of giving him children, that you were expected to cover all costs of maternity?

I see too many cases like this. I feel like men have taken advantage of ‘feminism’ and turned it round such that we now see cases of women having to pay their ‘fair share’ of all the household costs and 100% of costs relating to children: the maternity leave, the nursery fees, the children’s clothing. Oh, and while women are now having a career, they’re still expected to do all the household chores.

Please tell me you are on the mortgage.

Everyday someone posts an aibu where the answer is so so obviously to LTB.

You had this man's children and he can't look after you.

Leave, and insist on a 50/50 split. We'll see how much hes for equality then. The twat.

In all honesty, just leave. Go to your family and start again. And dont settle for a 'feminist' man who believes in 'equality'. Hes most likely a stingy twat. Yabu.

We had a shared money and he continued my pension contributions. I don’t think that is generous. I think it should be normal.

He is financially abusing you. Why should you bear all the financial burden of taking maternity leave when I assume that you both wanted to have this baby.