To expect financial support from my husband

You must be England doing online divorce, pre marital assets are fair game. In scotland they are not. So push for one of the flats, with a tenant, not for you , youll at least have another income.

Also is he Ltd or sole trader, ill assume Ltd is he's taking dividends?

I love that from @Arraminta ! Get yourself that SHL, even if it seems expensive. Anything else would be a false economy.

Congratulations on hitting that button!

Will he get a notification by email?

I think I may speak for a lot of people on this thread: we are on your side, sending you moral support, thinking about your future in which you have freedom, happiness, and perhaps one day someone as an OH who genuinely cares for you x

It won't be your biggest regret, I hope you take him for everything you possibly can. What kind of man does that to someone hes supposed to love AND have children with.

Have you at least spoken to a solicitor first? Gathered any financial evidence you can? How old is your older child?

You are fighting for your children's right to continue living the lifestyle to which they're accustomed. You mention your 'beautiful home' so fight for your children's right to carry on living in a nice home, in a nice area (though I would argue that no home can ever be beautiful if there is fear and misery in every room).

He's self employed so don't bother with a run of the mill divorce solicitor. You need someone who specialises in this specific area and they often work hand in hand with a forensic accountant. And you want someone who chews bricks for breakfast because I guarantee your DH is going to employ someone who does.

Online form complete, it’s just growing a pair and finally clicking the “submit to court” button, without effectively ruining my young children’s lives.

Hit that button.

Christ he is an arsehole

Do keep in mind, also, that he’s made sure you’re short of money as a control tactic. No money = no money to leave ( in his mind). But I can assure you there is !

We put both our salaries into one pot and bills and all spending come out of it. So during mat leave, and now with part time working I am contributing less than I used to.

Exactly this!!!

Keep strong, OP.

Oh my darling, no, no, no. You have to think bigger, better, faster than that. I'm sorry to tell you but it's very likely your DH selected you precisely because you are fearful in this way. Worried about appearing 'too greedy'. Preferring to avoid the confrontation that litigation can cause.

Going for 50% of his savings, investments, pension etc isn't you being grasping and bitter. 50% is simply what UK divorce law dictates you are entitled to.

If you daren't fight for yourself then please fight for your children. Fight for their right to grow up in a home where their Mum isn't struggling to pay the bills or the mortgage. Fight to make their future financially secure.

Usually, when you’re frightened to leave, there’s really bloody good reason. There’s far more to his behaviour I’m guessing?

Don’t let fear stop you from getting away from him.
At the very least find out as much as you can regarding his company accounts , savings, all assets including his flats. Youre not committed to doing anything but as a pp said, knowledge is power.
Ignore what he says is the norm for couples sharing ( or not!) finances. He just thinks you’re gullible. Find out your own info and go from there.
If you,ve had to beg from relatives, then he’s being financially abusive. As in many of these cases, it’s often the tip of the iceberg.

You could contact Rights of Women for free legal advice. Scottish Women’s Rights Centre if you're in Scotland.
As with my now XH, he’s being complacent because he thinks you can’t leave him. Surprise him !

Confused. Why did you have DC2 with someone you want to divorce?

Just wanted to bump this for the mention of CMS. If I've learned anything from reading too much Mumsnet, self-employed men get away with F all maintenance payments.

Best of luck OP. ❤️ In the interim to the divorce, I'd be requesting his half of the childcare payment since birth - seeing as you provided a free service when you're meant to be 50/50 on everything!

Either joint account or he has the next baby.

You are not being unreasonable. Your salary dropped because you birthed his child. You didn't create the child yourself so you shouldn't have to bare the financial consequences of maternity leave alone.

If you are joint tenants then make sure you get 50% of everything. I would take every penny you are legally entitled to.

Usually, I would say that morally he should get his deposit back. However, if he has his own businesanis only paying himself dividends he will avoid child maintenance by paying himself a low salary and dividends. You need to ensure you fight now because he's going to be near on useless providing for the kids after the divorce.

too bad eh. He's got a lot of shocks coming to him.

He will probably take the kids abroad on holiday anyway, why wouldn’t he? Same for them spending time with him, they’re his kids too, unless he doesn’t want them it’s going to happen. So make sure your children are financially secure, you can’t keep borrowing off family forever.

That’s completely awful. My husband paid all the mortgage and most of the bills during my maternity leave and then for dc2 and dc3 I wasn’t working so he paid it all.

he is looking at things too black and white, you are his wife he’s supposed to love you

Your husband is a fucking moron. PPs have listed the many ways he’s stitching you up.

So glad you’re getting rid. Best of luck with the divorce.

get advice first, collect paperwork get it all together and understand what you should get before you click the button. But unless you walk away with practically nothing th onslaught will happen and you need to get it together for them

All of those are sensible worries…but he is a pig OP …you can’t give your life to such a disgusting selfish greedy pig ..he is stealing from you to not contribute in proportion to your earnings…don’t let years pass and wonder why you gave your life to someone who steals from you

Get legal advice and as much information about his finances as soon as you can. Do not let on your plans to him as he will hide things if you do.

If he’s anything like my ex, and he sounds pretty similar,, he will be beyond horrible as soon as he knows you plan to leave. So get what you are entitled to. That is you and your children ‘s future security. And he’s going to be vile anyway

The starting point for a lengthy marriage is 50/50 but each case is unique.

Knowledge really is power OP