To send daughter to bed with no dinner?

Sending to her room, not allowing anything fun for the evening, early bedtime …. all fine.

Withholding food? That’s child abuse.

So for once your DD is actually complying with what you’ve asked her to do as a punishment and now you want to punish her further? That makes no sense to me. I’d go up and see if she’s calmed down/ready to behave appropriately - if she has I’d let her come down and if not bring her something up to eat in her room. I don’t think food should be used as a punishment ever.

Please ask for help because no eight year old should be dragged upstairs and then told no food.

That’s abusive.

No, she should not be hitting her sister or anyone but lashing out like that indicates a serious problem and that is not normal behaviour.

I think you need to reach out to the school ask them to point you in the right direction of who you should be asking for help. Parenting classes and perhaps counselling for your daughter.

🤦🏼‍♀️

I think you need to seek outside sources of help simply for considering this. It must be incredibly hard with her ODD and you must've been relieved that she had stayed upstairs. But starving her in order to avoid "poking the bear" wouldn't have been the way forward. If you're not already in touch with your council's early help/family help team then you can self-refer

You’re risking creating a golden child/ scape dynamic this way.

Look up “after school restraint collapse””. It sounds like she needs you to help her with this. By manhandling her and shouting at her all you’re doing is joining in with and amplifying the disregulation.

She's 8 - talk to her about her behaviour and ask her to think about it.

Feed her.

Starving a child as a form of punishment is abuse.

And clearly if this poster is serious they should be reported and banned from this forum as she will just find excuse after an excuse to explain her despicable behaviour

Doesn't mean you withhold food. That's cruel.

She is not worthy of a hot meal after a day at school? Is that how you raise your children as hopefully you will not be giving advice on this if you are childless

I have never said this to a woman on MN before but you sound horrible. You can’t treat her like this. How is it ok for you to drag her upstairs but get angry with her for hitting her sister? And now you want to withhold food? After a whole day at school? You need help. I mean that. Is there anyone who can help you out? Poor kid.

Out of curiosity what would they do when they heard the full story. I'm genuinely curious as safeguarding teams didn't exist in my day (yeah I know, the dark ages)

So rather than reward her for doing what you wanted - her staying in the room. You continue to escalate the punishment?
No wonder the poor kid doesn’t do as she’s told! Have you ever stopped to consider you may be the problem here?

sorry about the Amazon link !

I think I wojld take her up a plain cheese sandwich and a glass of water but make her stay in her room, without access to a tv, iPad, laptop, or any electronic entertainment.

You need to develop some proper strategies and methods to teach your young neurodivergent daughter how to manage her emotions. I cannot see how dragging her upstairs and depriving her of food does this, and you sound like you haven’t done much research or have much professional guidance - sorry if you have, but I’ve been there and the way you’re talking doesn’t sound like you are understanding how much help children with ADHD need to learn to manage their reactions and emotions. Obviously it’s wrong to hit her sister and there need to be consequences, but they need to be proportionate. I suggest you get a few books to help develop some strategies, this is a good start:

She gets basic food, toast, yoghurt, and fruit. And she apologises to her sister.

At the very least the report will be on record if problemsescalate. Social services often contact a child's school to see if there have ever been any concerns.

Bad idea to weaponise food,being sent to bed with no supper is from a bygone era.

Firstly, absolutely feed the child.

However, I want to ask what about the cold staying in their room this time makes you think she has learned hitting her sister is wrong? How does leaving her there teach her to be gentle in the future?

Could you go up and ask if she understands why she has been sent to get room? If she has and can apologise, I’d let her come down for dinner. If not, I’d serve everyone else and then I would eat with her in her room and try to have a conversation about what happened.

It doesn’t matter if she is difficult or has underlying medical conditions. She needs to be fed, it’s her basic human right!

If she will melt down at being asked to apologise can you give her an alternative and use different wording? So speak to her and then say, "why dont you do XX (give a hug or something else that would be a nice gesture but that she would be likely to do) to make it up with your sister?"

Even the worst prisoners get fed. I might be ok with no dessert for bad behaviour but everyone needs to eat.

Aye right, sure she is

OP does she have a favourite toy or does she have a tablet that you can restrict her access to when she behaves like this. She should be apologising to her sister and she should be facing consequences for her actions. The trick is finding something that means something to her and restricting access to it not food obviously.