Page 5 | To send daughter to bed with no dinner?

StephensLass1977 · 09/12/2025 17:39

No please don't do that. Find another way to discipline her. Don't withhold food. It's cruel.

ThisLittlePony · 09/12/2025 17:36

Bunnymcgee · 09/12/2025 17:06

If she will melt down at being asked to apologise can you give her an alternative and use different wording? So speak to her and then say, "why dont you do XX (give a hug or something else that would be a nice gesture but that she would be likely to do) to make it up with your sister?"

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What if the child who’s being assaulted doesn’t want to be hugged by someone who’s been violent towards her?
theres also the glass child effect you need to be mindful of.

Inapickle3012 · 09/12/2025 17:36

Don’t you fucking dare starve your child as a form of punishment!!!! You’re punishing her for harming her sister but you’re harming her!

MarymaryquiteC · 09/12/2025 17:35

Eh no....feed your child.

Whytry · 09/12/2025 17:34

You're going about this the wrong way, OP - and I say that as someone with ADHD, and also a daughter of similar age with ADHD and strong ODD traits.

You say you want to leave her there so she knows you mean it - have you already told her she's there until bedtime with no food?! If you have, that was your first mistake tbh. If you haven't, then she's done what you've asked, and that's huge. So you go up, thank her for doing as you asked, talk to her about her actions, and invite her back down to start afresh. If you double down and leave her with no food you can guarantee the next time you tell her to do something she'll resist twice as hard as normal in fear of being starving on top of everything else!

And while I don't condone the behaviour, and there needs to be consequences, keep in mind it's very often an emotional response from her, and extreme punishment (like being sent to their room all night without food) will only amplify the internal negative feelings when they eventually come back down from the disregulated state and realise the hurt they have caused

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 17:33

snoopythebeagle · 09/12/2025 17:02

But you don't do that by abusing your older child 😕

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Come on, she's hardly abusing her.

WhichPage · 09/12/2025 17:32

Are there any recommended strategies for managing the coke bottle effect?

seventeenofsumday · 09/12/2025 17:31

Bloody hell op. I mean come on. Surely you can't think punishment on top of punishment and deprivation of food on top of removing all of her toys etc is the way to go, I mean it clearly isn't working if you've punished so many times and removed all of her stuff already?!?! Of course you can't go further and withhold her dinner. I'd say your daughter's behaviour isn't the only behaviour that needs changing

historyismything82 · 09/12/2025 17:30

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:44

She has ADHD and ODD and every day is a battle and every day I set consequences for shouting at me hitting and screaming and she resists but I will not tolerate her hurting her sister.

No judgement here, OP. It's tough. But I would let her have her tea. Purely because I wouldn't want her to end up with an eating disorder.

EUmumforever · 09/12/2025 17:28

OP, what are you doing as a parent to help your daughter? If she has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, what practical steps are YOU taking? The casual way you’ve described dragging her upstairs and depriving the stairs and starving her is quite disturbing.

Pukkajones · 09/12/2025 17:28

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:41

Dd8 has just come out of school and hit her sister really hard, I have come home and sent her straight to her room.
Usually she would not cooperate with that and refuse or come back down and kick off but after dragging her upstairs she has actually stayed up there.
AIBU to actually leave her up there now and not let her come back down, send her straight to bed with no dinner?
This is the only time she’s ever succumbed to any consequence and it seems counteracting to send her to her room and actually have her stay there and then call her back down for dinner.
She has eaten today.

That’s child abuse. Find another punishment

Iwilladmit · 09/12/2025 17:27

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 17:20

Yes her Nintendo switch but that’s already been confiscated for something else I run out of privileges to remove.
She is like this everyday when she gets home they said it’s the shaken coke bottle affect after masking all day.

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She is not choosing to be a shaken Coke bottle. The reason that analogy is used is because the pressure must explode out of the bottle when the top comes off. She cannot help that. She’s not being “naughty”

instead of punishing her for something she can’t control can you lead. More about ADHD and help her find suitable releases? This is not good parenting OP. She needs you to understand and support her.

loulouljh · 09/12/2025 17:26

Yes. Whoever is saying abuse needs to get grip. One missed meal is not abuse.

AnathemaPulsifer · 09/12/2025 17:24

And don’t send her back to her room after dinner. She’s 8, a couple of hours are enough. More than.

AnathemaPulsifer · 09/12/2025 17:22

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:48

Maybe she can eat it in her room then or have it later. She’s never stayed up there before.

So you’re going to punish her further because she’s accepted the punishment this time? No, let her come down for dinner.

gogomomo2 · 09/12/2025 17:22

@CatsMagic. Sending a child to their room is an important option with many dc, to cool off. Perhaps you haven’t had a defiant child

cannynotsay · 09/12/2025 17:21

I loved being sent to my room , also meant I could be away from everyone. Withholding food is abuse. Just take it up to her

SingingOcean · 09/12/2025 17:21

Where are you actually getting your guidance from on parenting a child with ADHD and ODD?

Benjithedog · 09/12/2025 17:21

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 17:20

Yes her Nintendo switch but that’s already been confiscated for something else I run out of privileges to remove.
She is like this everyday when she gets home they said it’s the shaken coke bottle affect after masking all day.

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When you send her to her room does she play with anything else in its stead?

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 09/12/2025 17:21

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 17:20

Yes her Nintendo switch but that’s already been confiscated for something else I run out of privileges to remove.
She is like this everyday when she gets home they said it’s the shaken coke bottle affect after masking all day.

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Then you look into finding ways to helping her calm down and unwind when she comes home. Meditation? Breathing exercises? Not withholding dinner ffs

StitchHappens · 09/12/2025 17:21

So because she has accepted the punishment of being sent to her room, you want to punish her further? That makes zero sense...

mellicauli · 09/12/2025 17:20

I would tell her:
OK, your punishment for hitting your sister was to be sent to your room which you did. So that's dealt with and in all in the past now. I think you know what you did was wrong.

We're going to have our tea now. When we're finished you can come down and have yours. This isn' a punishment but I can see you are struggling to be around your sister right now and I just think you both really need a bit of space. Is that OK?

Original poster

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 17:20

Benjithedog · 09/12/2025 17:05

OP does she have a favourite toy or does she have a tablet that you can restrict her access to when she behaves like this. She should be apologising to her sister and she should be facing consequences for her actions. The trick is finding something that means something to her and restricting access to it not food obviously.

Yes her Nintendo switch but that’s already been confiscated for something else I run out of privileges to remove.
She is like this everyday when she gets home they said it’s the shaken coke bottle affect after masking all day.

OP posts:

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 09/12/2025 17:20

YABU the punishment doesnt even fit the crime, how does withholding dinner teach your daughter not to hit her sister?? All it does is make her go to bed hungry, sleep badly, and wake up in a foul mood because she was hungry all night?

Mulledjuice · 09/12/2025 17:20

soIsaidso · 09/12/2025 16:44

She has ADHD and ODD and every day is a battle and every day I set consequences for shouting at me hitting and screaming and she resists but I will not tolerate her hurting her sister.

You can address that without introducing food as a battleground. For girls in particular that's an unwise door to open.