To send daughter to bed with no dinner?

This, really.
Nothing else to add.
🙄

If you want her to remain in her room tonight take her up a sandwich and fruit. Have a chat about how disappointed you are. Tell her she starts with a clean slate in the morning.

WTF No!

Being at the end of your tether is no excuse for putting your hands on an 8 year old who is clearly already distressed.
If I had any words of advise or help for the OP it would not be ah no sure feed her.
It would be OP you are clearly not coping, get help before you do something you may regret, if you have not already, at 8, she wont forget that you dragged her to her room. I would advise you apologise to her and get some parenting help and support.
I will never ever while there is breath in my body say putting your hands on a child is excusable. Its indefensible.
I know, because i lived it.

Perhaps you could go along to OP’s house and babysits for a while? Or maybe try giving constructive criticism that actually helps OP and her child?

Sounds like you’re not being a good parent to her at the moment. You don’t seem to understand her issues or want to learn how to help her. Please seek help for your own issues, as withholding food is absolutely inappropriate as a form of punishment.

My late
mother used to do this - amongst a lot of other abusive stuff , please don’t do this , she will quite rightly hate you forever !

I was going to respond no dont deny her food but even more so now. What she needs is a parent teaching her coping skills and how to communicate her needs for time out... no doubt she has stayed in her room as she has benefited from the quiet to overcome overwhelm. Yes obviously hitting is unacceptable and needs a consequence but I do think that consequence has gone on for long enough after about 30min at her age, and then there needs to be a conversation about what triggered and how to prevent in future to learn from it. Punishment is pointless without helping to effect change

Punish violence with violence. 👍 and then withhold a meal.

She’s 8. And you’re dragging her around. And now want to deprive her of food. ???

Well, it's certainly not ideal but she's human. How do you know what she's had to deal with? No one likes the idea of grabbing their child and marching them upstairs as punishment for hitting their sibling. But we are not perfect. Not even you I'm afraid. As I've replied to another poster, why don't you respond with some form of constructive advice for a woman that is clearly at the end of her tether with her situation? It would be more helpful to her cause than villainizing her.

Wow some of the replies are so nasty.

It’s obvious that posters have seen that the general view is against OP (fair enough, I agree the DD should have her dinner)… but people then just started being horrible for the sake of it, knowing there would be little pushback. Have a word with yourselves, you know exactly what you’re doing.

To OP:

Withholding dinner won’t teach her a lesson, that’s what sending her to her room was for. If you cuddle and make up now that she’s calm, it’s more likely to have a positive impact.

Should I feed my child or not?
I think this is a strange question to ask. Read it again, slowly, and think about what you are actually saying. Best hope child services are not on here!

Who agrees with children being dragged to their room and deprived of food?

I tell you what, hows this for help?
I was that child who was dragged to her room, and told no dinner. And made sit in silence at other meals due to some ill perceived wrongdoing of mine, very often just existing.
Do you think people forget when this is done to them?
Do you think it makes them behave better?
No, it makes them angry and isolated and hurt and feel unloved and "other".
And the DO not forget.

I expect the adults in charge to conduct themselves properly, and the OP is not.
I care about the 8 year old in this, not the parent who cant behave properly.
So keep your own judgey ignorant child abuse defending to yourself.

Does she like water OP? Some kids find that relaxing. If she’s masked all day then she either needs a physical release or a calming. So straight in trampoline or straight in a bath. Both alone.

validate her feelings and then show her how to manage. I can see you’re angry/upset etc. let’s try…..

a super sensory snack may also help. Something very crunchy or very chewy.

also cold water through a thin straw can also be regulating.

“I saw you hit X when you were angry. Hitting isn’t ok. Next time let’s try…. I will help you”.

Just throwing some ideas out there.

I think you're punishing her too much. I have 2 children with autsim and ADHD and to me, your punishments are excessive. I think with ADHD punishments need to be short and consistent and with autism they need to be clearly defined. You can't have indefinite, out of nowhere, punishments with these conditions.

With mine they knew in advance that any acts of violence was immediately into their rooms for 10 minutes. DS needed a timer so he could cope with the 10 minutes but DD would happily stay there for hours, so not an issue.

Other stuff got a warning with a natural consequence attached, which mostly meant loss of switch/xbox, but again only for 10 minutes. Sometimes it would be 10 minutes followed pretty much immediately with another 10 minutes, and another one. But that's where the consistency kicks in.

Please don't use withholding food as a form of punishment. You call her down for dinner as usual. If you deem it appropriate then she goes straight back upstairs after eating, but explain this to her beforehand.
In addition to it being cruel, if she's hungry she'll struggle to sleep & will be tired tomorrow which will likely negatively impact her behaviour further.

If I were your 8-year-old daughter and I had all kinds of impulse control issues, and I found out that hitting my sister really hard resulted in me being able to spend the evening in my room and dinner was brought to me in private, I would be thrilled. And I'd be doing this more often. Absolute treat to be left alone in your room with food brought up to you!! That was a reward for me when I was a kid

Your judgy post is not helpful. You may not agree so why not offer something constructive instead of making an overstimualted mum feel worse. You cop on.

You sound defeated- do you have support for her?

Dragging a child to her room physically, and then withholding food IS ABUSE.
Or do we wait until its done 100 times before we give a shit?
Abuse is abuse.
And this is abuse.

Are they neurodivergent and managing significant difficulties? She likely cannot control this so these consequences are not what’s going to change the behaviour.

Really? So you think it's okay for a grown adult to grab an 8yo by the arm and drag her upstairs, then not give her any dinner?

One missed meal is really not child abuse.

OP, I wouldn’t force her to go to sleep hungry but I absolutely would have dinner without her and spend some time with her sibling before going up to speak to her. I’d tell her she can come down to eat when she’s calm and ready to apologise.