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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
My10centsworth · 10/12/2025 17:19

It is your ring, and you do not need to say anything more about it. Your brother needs to tell his wife (for now) that this is clearly the case.

Figgygal · 10/12/2025 17:12

Absolutely no way pre update
Absolutely no fucking way post your update

OldBeyondMyYears · 10/12/2025 17:08

Not only would I keep it…I’d openly wear it and make sure she saw it on my sodding finger!!

She’s a cheeky bitch…fuck her!

SleepQuest33 · 10/12/2025 17:08

100% keep the ring.
What a cow! I wouldn’t trust her!

Bumblingbee101 · 10/12/2025 17:06

You haven't got anything to feel bad about. Its yours as you rightfully purchased it and your DB is in full agreement. Do not part with it and keep it well hidden if she visits! She needs to stop hounding you. How are they back together if he thinks she would do it again.. doesn't sound like there is much trust! Good luck OP!

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 10/12/2025 17:02

Busybeemumm · 10/12/2025 16:51

This is a lovely idea. However I suspect SIL wants that particular ring only as she knows how much it means to the OP.

I’m really not sure this is about the op to that extent.

Busybeemumm · 10/12/2025 16:51

APatternGrammar · 10/12/2025 15:45

Keep it. Your brother could give her a new ring for Christmas to symbolise their new beginnings (I personally wouldn’t, but presumably he’s still with her for a reason.)I

This is a lovely idea. However I suspect SIL wants that particular ring only as she knows how much it means to the OP.

Electricsausages · 10/12/2025 16:49

You bought it , you own it
it is yours

Busybeemumm · 10/12/2025 16:49

Make sure you hide the ring somewhere safe even if in a safe deposit box. Do not give her the ring. She sounds like the sort of person who might help herself. Your DB should have stayed separated from her. She sounds like a nightmare.

GasPanic · 10/12/2025 16:32

Must be one hell of a ring to get 4K from a pawnbroker for it. They aren't know for giving away free money so it must have been worth a lot more than that.

Which makes it even more cheeky that she expects to get it back for £100.

The actual nerve of some people. Not quite sure why your brother would want to be with such a person.

Monty34 · 10/12/2025 16:27

Well, if she pawned it and did not return to repay her loan within the agreed time the pawnbroker assumes ownership and can sell it to whoever he wants.
So it is not her ring at all.

PigletJohn · 10/12/2025 16:03

"it “means the world” to her"

My asre.

Etoile41 · 10/12/2025 16:00

No way should you give it back to that woman!

AguNwaanyi · 10/12/2025 15:52

Don’t you dare sell it to her to any price less than 10% on top of what you paid.

Purplebunnie · 10/12/2025 15:46

I hope your niece is able to hide it from your SIL, wouldn't put it past her to steal it from your niece

APatternGrammar · 10/12/2025 15:45

Keep it. Your brother could give her a new ring for Christmas to symbolise their new beginnings (I personally wouldn’t, but presumably he’s still with her for a reason.)I

Obeseandashamed · 10/12/2025 15:42

It’s entirely yours and you should keep it. Gift it to your daughter if you have one in the future or your niece if not and grant your ggdads wishes of it staying in the family. DO NOT give it to her!!

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 10/12/2025 15:33

In this situation I’d keep it and I’d ask your brother to speak to her. And I’d say to her this is my decision, my brother supports , I won’t engage any further. Speak to my brother. And leave it there,

RightSheSaid · 10/12/2025 15:29

She sold it. It clearly didn't mean that much to her. It's yours. You brought it. Shevan fuck right off.

Nevernonono · 10/12/2025 15:28

She can fuck off to the end of the world!

AnotherForumUser · 10/12/2025 15:21

nomas · 10/12/2025 15:05

OP should leave it to her own kids if she has them. Why should SIL's kids benefit, she'd likely take it off them.

I believe the OP is around 40 and with a progressive illness so unlikely to have children from her posts. However she has said the niece is not the SIL's child and would be unlikely to hand the ring over to the greedy mare.

Pistachiocake · 10/12/2025 15:12

Haven't read through all the replies yet, but it amazes me anyone has voted you unreasonable (unless they made a mistake).
I feel sorry for your brother. If he's trying to make it work for the kids, scared she'll never let him see them, I guess you have to respect that, but I feel bad for the man.

Bayroot1 · 10/12/2025 15:12

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/12/2025 20:12

It stopped being her engagement ring the second she took it off her finger in the pawn shop, so YABU for describing it as that.

But I would want to have a proper chat with DN about making sure that she always keeps it safe from her step mother. Does she know what SIL has been doing over the ring?

Yes that would be my concern.

Payitforward55 · 10/12/2025 15:06

100% your ring. I would cease any further discussion on it. I would also put it away somewhere very safe!

Horses7 · 10/12/2025 15:06

Definitely keep it!