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Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
Littlechinagirl · 11/12/2025 12:32

Sell it back to her, which it sounds like she probably won't do, or tell her you sold it without doing so. Frankly though, she sounds like a right kn 0 b

Morrisdancer403010 · 11/12/2025 12:31

Not unreasonable!!It's your family, you bought it. She can GTF! Yours fair and square. What a bitch.

Calamitousness · 11/12/2025 12:00

Wear your ring. Enjoy it. The last thing you should ever do is give it back to your SIL.

Original poster
NameChangerAlaina · 11/12/2025 11:46

Thank you

OP posts:
HectorPlasm · 11/12/2025 09:32

You know she'll steal it if she can?

thelongwayhome · 11/12/2025 09:09

It’s nice to see a brother sticking by his sister’s decision in this scenario, I often see posts of this sort (not this exact situation but DB with difficult SIL) and he’s always enamoured with his girlfriend/wife to the detriment of the family. Keep the ring, she cannot be trusted with it and she will do it again when the relationship inevitably falls apart again as she knows the pain it caused last time.

ALJT · 11/12/2025 08:30

I’d 100% keep it and probably snap at her to stop asking because you wouldn’t change your mind. If she wants a new ring that badly, she can go buy one

k8jr · 11/12/2025 07:50

My word, she sounds like a right piece of work.
Next time she brings it up tell her to get fed and you don't buy any of her bullshitt and you won't be having this conversation anymore. The ring is yours legally, she didn't care enough about the ring or the grandad before selling it and as far as you're concerned case closed and if she continues to bring it up just walk away. Each and every time.

Delphinium20 · 11/12/2025 05:38

You are a wonderful aunt to your DN...she'll always love and respect you for this. Well done on the safe and the will. I'd add a long letter in it for DN to read which explains the situation in full.

And I'm sorry about your illness, but hope that what you've done for DN will mean your kindness and love will be with her always.

Ladybyrd · 11/12/2025 04:01

catlover123456789 · 11/12/2025 00:31

It's your ring. Be sure to wear it in social media posts that she'll see. Make sure it's locked away safely whenever she's around. She's a CF.

This.

Ladybyrd · 11/12/2025 03:58

catlover123456789 · 11/12/2025 00:31

It's your ring. Be sure to wear it in social media posts that she'll see. Make sure it's locked away safely whenever she's around. She's a CF.

This.

Ladybyrd · 11/12/2025 03:58

catlover123456789 · 11/12/2025 00:31

It's your ring. Be sure to wear it in social media posts that she'll see. Make sure it's locked away safely whenever she's around. She's a CF.

This.

Ladybyrd · 11/12/2025 03:57

She sold a family heirloom to a pawn shop and someone bought it. Tough luck.

I don’t think I could have much to do with someone like that. She sounds like scum.

redrose115 · 11/12/2025 03:52

I hope you have a great Christmas, OP. Would you consider handing the ring directly to your niece? I guess SIL is potential stepmum and could continue the saga down the track. I think it’s really important to be clear about this to your brother and your niece.

SIL sounds like a piece of work.

HomeTheatreSystem · 11/12/2025 03:30

She needs to take a running jump. Had a third party bought the ring before you did, it would be gone forever from both her and the family for whom it's an heirloom.

TickyBooo · 11/12/2025 03:20

Keep the ring!!

Mothership4two · 11/12/2025 03:06

It's your ring legally and morally. Lovely idea to pass it on to your niece - hopefully not for a very long time. Don't give her any more headspace.

Muffinmam · 11/12/2025 02:44

Of course you keep it.

But please, have it professionally cleaned (or clean it yourself so that it sparkles) and wear it around your SIL.

She is a horrible piece of work.

catlover123456789 · 11/12/2025 00:31

It's your ring. Be sure to wear it in social media posts that she'll see. Make sure it's locked away safely whenever she's around. She's a CF.

Megsy81 · 11/12/2025 00:25

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

Haven’t RTFT but from skimming can’t see comments from anyone saying you are being unreasonable so where are the 55 who said you were?!

For the record, absolutely reasonable!

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/12/2025 23:15

Don't give your SiL the ring nor allow her any chance of getting it from your DB. Even if her motives are pure she will always be at risk of manipulation from her family

Laurmolonlabe · 10/12/2025 23:09

You paid for it, you keep it.

Makingadecision · 10/12/2025 22:56

You own it. It didn’t mean anything to her when she pawned it for £4K. Never give it to her and advise your Db to get away.

beadystar · 10/12/2025 22:50

Keep it. Bequeath it to your niece. SIL can buy her own ring if she’s so disrespectful of heirlooms. I’d wear it out of spite also.

HomeTheatreSystem · 10/12/2025 22:15

ChristieMcVie · 10/12/2025 20:44

Awful, awful CF SIL! She has a lot of nerve expecting you to just hand back a ring she discarded with no thought about what it meant to your family and where it would end up, let alone the expense you had to go to to get it back. Stand firm OP! Leaving the ring to your DN is a lovely idea.

Exactly: this was a family heirloom not just a shop bought ring. Don't cave to her demands to have it back, way too late for that. As a PP said there'll be something in the Argos catalogue that will do for her. If she flogs that next time she has a hissy fit about funding her family no one will give a toss.