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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 09/12/2025 14:54

Yanbu but your DB in being married to her. She sounds awful.

I can’t imagine selling the ring under the circumstances she did - very manipulative.

So as a pp said wear it and enjoy it and in the meantime tell her to piss off and that if she wants an engagement ring she can ask her family to buy her one using the money she gave to them.

snugasabug75 · 09/12/2025 14:54

It's your now!!

ComfortFoodCafe · 09/12/2025 14:53

I would definitely keep it. If she keeps going on just lie and told her you sold it. ;)

Billybagpuss · 09/12/2025 14:53

Legally and morally it’s yours and she will never get it ever again.

SparkleSpriteDust · 09/12/2025 14:51

You must keep it. Especially as your DB supports that.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 09/12/2025 14:50

God no. If she isn’t going to offer you what you paid for it she should at the very least offer you what she GOT for it! She sounds awful.

MILLYmo0se · 09/12/2025 14:49

Keep it and if it's not already in your will re your niece put it in there ASAP and put the receipt somewhere safe, lord knows what shenanigans SIL would pull to get her hands on it while people were grieving

SquigglePigs · 09/12/2025 14:49

No way in hell would she get that ring back if it was me. The fact your brother agrees with you just cements that.

Make sure it's stored in a safe (hidden) place if she ever comes round though. Just in case she thinks she can help herself to it!

I love your idea to give it to DB's DD though, that's a lovely plan. Just make sure your SIL can't manipulate his DD into handing it over.

Jasmin71 · 09/12/2025 14:48

Tell her to fuck off, fuck off a bit more and when she has stopped being ridiculous tell to carry on fucking off as far as the eye can see.

pottylolly · 09/12/2025 14:48

Your SIl has massive problems. Just ignore the witch.

honeylulu · 09/12/2025 14:45

Nice work OP.

Ring was legally your brother's. He gave it to his wife, it became legally hers.

She sold it and it legally belonged to the shop. It's irrelevant that this was a ruse intending that your brother would buy it back for her and her family would keep the money. Well, he didn't so she fucked around and found out.

The icing on the cake is that you now own the ring and that has pissed her off. Oh dear, how sad.

You don't owe it to her legally or morally. Love the idea of giving it directly to your brother's daughter.

Your bro is a bit of a wally for (a) taking her back and (b) letting her know you have it.

Junenights · 09/12/2025 14:45

ohthiscouldgetmessy · 09/12/2025 14:40

She sold the ring, that's where her story ends. You bought a lovely ring, that's where your story starts. End of.

Exactly this! Don't even engage on the topic with her. 'it's my ring, I bought it'. End of.

Greyhound98 · 09/12/2025 14:44

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

Tell her to get to fuck......

This is the only sensible option.

Onefortheroad25 · 09/12/2025 14:44

You bought it, it’s yours. Wear it if you are seeing her. She sounds like a piece of work.

TheNoonBell · 09/12/2025 14:43

It's no longer hers, she sold it. End of discussion.

millyv · 09/12/2025 14:43

Absolutely keep the ring, it is 100% yours - what a CF your SIL is!

Trallers · 09/12/2025 14:42

She had a chance with it and showed she couldn't be trusted with someone's family heirloom. Letting her have it again, especially given she's not even willing to reimburse you for it and wants a feeebie, would be utter madness!

Joelz · 09/12/2025 14:42

What everyone else says. It is your ring.She sold it. You bought it. You have the paperwork to prove it. She won't have given the ring a second thought until she found out you had it. Indeed, if she cared so much about it she wouldn't have sold it in the first place.

PinkArt · 09/12/2025 14:41

It stopped being her ring the moment she sold it. Not a fucking chance I'd even sell it to her, let alone give it to her.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 09/12/2025 14:41

Absolutely not.
She has proven that she can’t be trusted to respect the fact that it is a family heirloom.
And that is why it’s yours now. That, and a lot of your money.

ohthiscouldgetmessy · 09/12/2025 14:40

She sold the ring, that's where her story ends. You bought a lovely ring, that's where your story starts. End of.

BMW6 · 09/12/2025 14:40

She's got a nerve! Keep it and tell her to FOTTFSOFAWSGTFOSM

pigsDOfly · 09/12/2025 14:40

Absolutely no question.

She sold the ring to the shop. The shop put it in stock to sell and you, a customer, went into the shop and bought it.

Of course it's your ring. You paid for it.

She has not more claim to it than your next door neighbour.

People who sell things can't expect to be handed them back by the person who bought them.

Keep it, wear it and enjoy it.

Mamadothehump · 09/12/2025 14:39

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

I was about to start a slight rant about how mad you would be to even consider letting this awful woman have “her” ring back but this right here, is the only way to go about this situation!

RainbowBagels · 09/12/2025 14:38

It doesn't sound like the marriage is going to last so it would be stupid for you to give it back to her. If they split again it will be gone from the family forever.