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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
OrangeITellYou · 09/12/2025 15:57

It’s your ring. Legally and your brother agrees. If she really wanted it she could pay what you paid. But fuck no.

TheMorgenmuffel · 09/12/2025 15:56

You bought it, its yours.
Don't hand it over to her.
You know she'll eventually sell it again and you may not get it back again.

Theslummymummy · 09/12/2025 15:54

More money than sense

Teddleshon1 · 09/12/2025 15:53

It is now your ring. She must be an absolutely awful person to be asking for it back given the circumstances.

FairyBatman · 09/12/2025 15:52

She sold it, you bought it, tough shit!

Bubblecakes · 09/12/2025 15:51

If she keeps on tell her you've sold it on as you needed the money.

SoftBalletShoes · 09/12/2025 15:50

user86397409754 · 09/12/2025 15:47

Cheeky madam! No way would I let her see it let alone have it back…

Agree!

SoftBalletShoes · 09/12/2025 15:50

Should you give it to her? Oh, hell to the NO! She SOLD IT! A family heirloom. Very clearly, she cannot be trusted with it. She got rid of it. You paid for it fair and square. It's yours, so you enjoy it for the rest of your life, until it goes to DN. Of course it doesn't mean the world to her - she'd never have sold it, if so.

I repeat, SHE GOT RID OF IT.

JFC.

It must be one hell of a ring if the pawn shop paid 4k for it! I'd love to see it, if you'd like to take a photo!

user86397409754 · 09/12/2025 15:47

Cheeky madam! No way would I let her see it let alone have it back…

LoyalMember · 09/12/2025 15:47

There's not a dimension in the multiverse where she'd ever have any kind of right to have the ring. It's morally and legally yours.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/12/2025 15:47

You bought it. End of. If she cared, she wouldn’t have sold it in the first place.

Jamesblonde2 · 09/12/2025 15:47

Your SIL is a drama lama manipulating idiot. She cannot be trusted with this family heirloom. You def keep it.

NachoChip · 09/12/2025 15:46

My word, this woman is CF beyond words.
It is one hundred per cent your ring, absolutely do not give it to her. And don't let her near it, I wouldn't be surprised if she'd steal it.
Why on earth is your brother still with this person, he obviously doesn't trust her and she has treated him and his family appallingly.

GasPanic · 09/12/2025 15:46

Your SIL sounds like a piece of work/CF and your DB sounds like a shit stirrer.

There would be no way on earth she would be getting that ring back if it were me.

readingismycardio · 09/12/2025 15:41

The ring is legally yours. You bought with your own money. I wouldn’t give it for anything in the world. Heck, I’d even wear it if it fits 🤣

BellaBal · 09/12/2025 15:40

No way would I give it back!

Id also say, “Im so glad I rescued it when you flogged it. Perhaps you don’t still realise that db and I were so incredibly hurt when you sold it - it felt so cold and cruel.m It gives me so much comfort to have a treasured heirloom back safely where I can make sure it is always looked after, and I would never want to risk going through that again. So I’ll be keeping the ring. And don’t worry I do wear it, so it’s not lying around unwanted.”

Like heck I’d will it to my niece in this situation. I’d find anyone else interested eh family to pass it to. Her “side” have had their chance at owning it.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 09/12/2025 15:38

It's yours. There is no conversation to be had here. That's literally the end of it. She had it, she sold it, you bought it. It's yours.

borborygmus1 · 09/12/2025 15:37

She's a total narcissist. Keep the ring in your family, she doesn't deserve to even look at it again.

I wear an heirloom ring and if my husband and I ever got divorced (god forbid!), I know that it belongs to his family and I would return it.

BreadInCaptivity · 09/12/2025 15:37

fearnbreeze · 09/12/2025 15:29

Get a safe in case she gets lost whilst going to the bathroom in your house.

The safest place for it is on the OP’s finger and that’s where it would be if I owned it.

I am very nosy curious as to how much the OP paid for it though 🫢

LoveItaly · 09/12/2025 15:30

No way would I return it to her. She has absolutely no shame to even talk about it, let alone ask for it back. It’s wonderful that you have it now to pass on to someone who will hopefully treasure it, and I would make sure that it’s well hidden until then, so she can’t help herself to it. Offering £100 when she sold it for £4000, what a cheek!

fearnbreeze · 09/12/2025 15:29

Get a safe in case she gets lost whilst going to the bathroom in your house.

SleafordSods · 09/12/2025 15:29

Watch out OP I think she may be on this thread, someone has voted YABU! Grin

CinnamonBuns67 · 09/12/2025 15:27

Yanbu, don't give it to her. She chose to sell it, you brought it so it's yours. He can get her something else if he wishes to.

Andthatrightsoon · 09/12/2025 15:26

Sorry, I lost it.

RawBloomers · 09/12/2025 15:26

I would definitely keep it. I'd have a hard time forgiving SiL for selling it in the first place (though possibly not if DB had been keeping money from her) but her £100 offer is so entitled and dismissive I wouldn't be entertaining the idea. I also dont' think it makes any difference what your DB thinks. He wasn't prepared to buy it back, he doesn't get a say. If you have children of your own, leave it to them, not DB's.