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Original poster

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
Cailin66 · 10/12/2025 13:04

Sorry to hear about your illness. Even before you wrote that it was my view that you had done the right thing. And I think this has zero to do with your brother. Something slightly similar happened to me. After one of my parents died a couple of siblings were given items that the parent had expressed were for them. As nothing was allocated to me my siblings thought of something to give me that was sentimental, and of some value, which we did not realise at the time. (about 3K and think say an item like a set of crystal glass etc). But it was bulky so I could not bring it abroad where I live and I asked one of my brothers to mind it for me. As SIL had been alright to me and liked the set a few years later I said to my brother that 'they' could have it so he wouldn't have to mind it and it gave pleasure to SIL. He never told her this. They subsequently divorced and she refused to hand the full set over, despite it not being hers, she did it to spite my brother, there was a court order too, so now she has about half of the set. It's really upsetting to me that she did this as it had zero sentimental value to her but it does to my family. Best of luck OP, the idea of giving it to your niece is a perfect end to this story.

TeeBee · 10/12/2025 12:58

She can fuck off (and so can he). She used it as a weapon; it doesn't 'mean the world' to her. Keep it and tell them both to do one.

Popstarrrrr · 10/12/2025 12:58

I'm in the offer to sell it to her for £20k camp. Let's see how sentimental it really is.
Cheeky fucker of the highest order.

Bamfram · 10/12/2025 12:58

SIL is scum.
Why would you have her near your home?
Your ring, no further discussion.
What a cheeky fxxker she is.

briq · 10/12/2025 12:52

There is absolutely nothing that would convince me to give that ring back to her. You have every legal and moral right to keep the ring. I hope you enjoy it!

I'm glad you're planning to leave it to someone who isn't SIL's child, too. I don't doubt SIL will be pestering her, someday, about how it should belong to SIL, but since it's not her own child, maybe your niece will be able to resist the CF's demands.

Picklelily99 · 10/12/2025 12:51

You own a ring. The rest is immaterial.

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 10/12/2025 12:43

100% keep it. Refuse to ever enter into a discussion with her about it. Just be a broken record: "It stopped being your ring when you sold it. What happened to it after that is none of your business." - Say it over and over and over and over again. I bet they'll be separated again before long anyway.

BunnyLake · 10/12/2025 12:43

Who’s the 1% that thought you were being U? (Sil??😁).

Elsvieta · 10/12/2025 12:42

"DB's wife DID have it, and she pawned it. Granddad probably didn't envisage DB marrying the sort of person who would do that. On your bike".

Have all your jewellery locked up when she's around. Personally I'd leave the thing to one of your own female relatives. SIL sounds like the type to bully Dneice into handing it over / selling it to pay the family's bills.

beAsensible1 · 10/12/2025 12:41

such grubby behaviour from sil. the utter shamelessness of her

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/12/2025 12:40

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 09/12/2025 14:30

Just stick to your guns on this one- and don’t discuss it with her at all.

Yup. She sold it, you bought it. It’s yours. End of discussion. And no, I would never give it back to her, and she’s a CF for asking! (Ps good luck to your DB, I have a feeling he’s going to need it…)

Umidontknow · 10/12/2025 12:39

Well she sounds insane. Keep the ring and tell your brother to run as fast as he can

BillieWiper · 10/12/2025 12:36

You probably could've bought it for less if you hadn't given the pawnbroker this whole mega back story. The more important they think it is to you the more they'll charge.

Anyway it's yours now as you bought it from a shop. The only way they could have it back is if you wanted to sell it at a profit, which you don't.

Gribouille · 10/12/2025 12:34

Ha, you'll hardly see her at yours at Christmas, she'll be upstairs going through your drawers! (And do hide anything precious to you in case she steals it to 'bargain' with you). Just tell her Christmas is expensive so you pawned it...

😏

beAsensible1 · 10/12/2025 12:33

unless she pays the full price do not let her even sniff it. I'd make sure its locked away when's he comes round as well.

I'd find the pawning of it unforgivable frankly.

Cheeky cow.

PinkyFlamingo · 10/12/2025 12:33

I am sorry to hear about your illness OP.

Casperroonie · 10/12/2025 12:30

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

Keep it!!!!!

ThatHangryKat · 10/12/2025 12:29

YANBU. Don't let her anywhere near that ring..she showed her true colours when she sold it to a pawn shop.

ChocoChocoLatte · 10/12/2025 08:16

Have it polished, resized to fit and wear it every single time you see her.

She is a CF of extraordinary proportions.

Didimum · 10/12/2025 08:08

You and your ring should stay out of their relationship entirely. Let him deal with it. Direct all ‘hounding’ from her to him.

LakieLady · 10/12/2025 07:57

SIL's fucking bonkers. She sold it, you bought it, if she can't see that that makes it now your ring she must be intellectually challenged.

Buy her some jewellery for Christmas. An ID bracelet with "Cheeky Fucker" engraved on it would be perfect.

RainbowBagels · 10/12/2025 07:51

XWKD · 10/12/2025 07:31

I'd tell her I gave it to a charity shop.

And say you cant remember which one!

XWKD · 10/12/2025 07:31

I'd tell her I gave it to a charity shop.

Northsidemammy · 10/12/2025 07:12

You come across as a lovely, kind and thoughtful person. Willing the ring to your niece is a lovely idea and I think what your grandad would have wanted under the circumstances. Sorry to hear about your illness, wishing you health and happiness for the future.

SquishyGloopyBum · 10/12/2025 07:03

I’m imagining your SIL as Gollum - consumed and obsessed by ‘my precious’

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