For calling out my parents on abuse as a child

90s child here. I was smacked (not hard) when I was naughty or cheeky. One of my best friends, also a 90s child, had her mouth washed out with soap multiple times by her dad. I went to primary school with a girl whose head was shaved when she had nits.

She did not live a pretty good life. Who are you to belittle her experience of her mum's physical punishments and psychological abuse by postponing the punishments to the end of the day so that OP would feel scared and anxious all day.

Your personal lived experience has turned you into someone with no empathy.

OP was abused. You may have suffered much worse abuse but you are wrong to belittle and minimise OP's experiences. Her mother in particular sounds deeply unpleasant and she enjoyed inflicting pain on her daughter.

Then you miss a lot of relevant information and your responses are worthless.

Where did you live ?

I’m sorry you had to go through this, apparently physical punishment is less traumatising if it is an experience shared with your peers - there’s less shame involved when it feels normalised. I don’t think it’s ok though but I do understand not everyone feels the same way.

Read the posts! She was punished when she hadn’t done anything!!

a sea of difference between light (or not) smacking in the moment

It's tragic. Perhaps they can't afford to seriously consider that they may have harmed their children.

The sound hugely abusive.
I think stepping away from them will do you and your children the world of good.

Why am i an arse? I do not respond to drips. And quite honestly if the OP thinks that was abuse, she was living a pretty good life. Yeah it wasn't ideal, but absolutely normal in my personal, lived experience and that of our whole neighbourhood

I think lots of childhoods would be classed as abuse but times have changed - for the better I may add . I was smacked and threatened with being smacked, I did not have the soap in my mouth but know of others that had . So I do feel what you are saying was done by many parents at that time .
As for asking do you tell them or reduce contact - no one can answer that it’s up to you.
Looking back I believe my parents did the best they knew how at the time - I don’t believe calling them out now as an adult serves any purpose. How are you parents with your children? My parents would not dream of lifting a hand to their grandchildren, they are great grandparents.

Then you must be comfortable with making an arse of yourself.

You seem awfully invested in blaming the OP for her abuse.

Even if it wasn’t illegal, what kind of parent actually willingly inflicts physical pain on their child?

It’s not about whether it was legal or not, it’s about what kind of parent (and person) it makes you if you are prepared to do that to a child you claim to love, and who you should be hardwired to protect.

Because that’s not love.

Any adult who can beat and physically harm their child is fucking disgusting in my eyes, legal or not.

I read and responded to the post. I don't read drips

We were born in the late 50s. I was smacked on the back of my legs by my mother on occasion. At my secondary school in the 70s, pupils were hit by the odd teacher; and boys got the cane.

DH said his mother had a wooden spoon, she threatened the children with - but he could only recall her actually using it once, when she was really angry about something, one of them had done. At his secondary school, teachers used to throw blackboard rubbers at pupils for misbehaving in class.

Neither DH nor I ever thought anything of it. We just accepted it as normal.

Washing a child’s mouth out with soap was an expression around then, but I don’t recall ever hearing of it being done in real life!

It wasn’t abusive at the time.
washing mouth out with soap….. that also happened at school
withholding food as punishment……,. That also happened at school
being hit with something…… again it happened at school.
all perfectly everyday occurrences.

I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused at that time. You weren’t Op.

In 30/40 years when the damaging effects of devices on the developing brain are regarded as a form of neglect and abuse all the parents of today will then be saying but everyone did it. It was normal!!

Yes I suppose if they were people who were capable of self reflection they wouldn't have been the type to deal out excessive smacking etc in the first place!

yes because they would then have to process feelings of guilt..

Im still surprised parents would rather not see their children then do this..so sad - that’s the situation with my parents and I’ve presented it even in a non blame way

Thats the problem. In my experience it's fairly unusual for parents to get the point and sincerely apologise in these situations.

Not unheard of and not illegal. Still very damaging to the child. I am trying to address OPs question about whether to call them out on it, and how.

I once tried to talk to my Mother
She rolled her eyes at me
🤷‍♀️

Read the OPs posts.

Same.

This.
While not right, you could talk to them. If they didn't know another way, ask if they now recognise it was wrong, and go from there