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Original poster

Christmas with out extended family

34 replies

LindsayAnn97 · 09/12/2025 13:18

So my husband and myself have spent the last few Christmas’s at my in-laws and to be honest it was awful. As I don’t get along so well with them especially since our baby arrived. We spent our first Christmas with them and our new baby and it was terrible, as it wasn’t good enough that we spent the full day there, there was an atmosphere that we didn’t want to stay overnight. We live very close by. This Christmas we will be spending with my family and to be honest it’s just so much more stressful when you have young children, I hate having to travel on Christmas and the whole hassle of packing and making sure we don’t forget anything. Am I being unreasonable that for the next maybe 5 years to want to spend Christmas with just my husband and kids in our new house?? I don’t really want to host either. Even though we spent the last few Christmas’s at my in-laws they are still unhappy that we are spending it with my family. I think this will be a sore spot with them every Christmas, so I proposed to my husband that we spend 24th-26th with just us. We will spend time equally with my family and the in-laws in between Christmas and new year or before Christmas. So they both sides will get to see the kids during the festive period. I just want to start new family traditions in our own home with the kids I just find it so much more relaxing. Has anyone else done this? My family are more than okay with this as they don’t mind about not seeing us on Christmas Day but I know the in-laws will be so so annoyed. Any ideas on how to put this forward to them??

OP posts:
WonsWoo · 09/12/2025 13:56

Absolutely you are not being unreasonable. They’ve had their Christmases with their kids. Now it’s your turn to do what suits you and your DCs best.

We also had at home Christmases once we had our 2nd DC. We were happy to host but our families are reasonable people and aren’t arseholes generally!

DH and I have our first Christmas alone this year. We’ve no GC as yet but both our DCs are living further away this year and so I told them they must do what suited them. They took me at my word but I’d never hold that against them.

Have a great Christmas at home with your little ones 😊

ldnmusic87 · 09/12/2025 13:46

LeeshaPaper · 09/12/2025 13:26

Them being annoyed is not your problem. So a simple message/conversation. "We've been finding it really stressful to travel for Christmas so now that we've had one Christmas at each family we're going to now start our own tradition and stay at home. Look forward to seeing you on the 23rd/30th. Love Lindsay Ann "

They'll be annoyed. So let them be. Even when you went to them they were annoyed. Whatever you do it won't be enough so do what suits you and just ignore what they say.

This is perfect

SJM1988 · 09/12/2025 13:44

Since having our second, we now have a 'we are staying at home for Christmas' line with family unless it is a '4th year'. Every 4 years it's a Scotland Christmas (my DH family tradition) which is fine every 4 years - once it was New York (as DH family hosted there). BUT I stick to the only once every 4-5 years will we travel.

We alternate between my family and DH family still but they have to come to us. I don't mind hosting and people are welcome to stay for a few days, we just won't travel while we are the people with the young children (no other under teens in our families yet). We travelled for others when we were younger and they had young kids and my parent are still fine travelling (It might change when they are old enough not to be able to travel). I live around the corner from my grandparents so it works as they don't have to travel anywhere.

There was a bit of disappointment at 'but the kids will never wake up here on Christmas now' but really the only place they should do that is their own home.

nomas · 09/12/2025 13:36

YANBU. Your parents and in-laws had their Christmases at home with their kids, now it’s your turn.

NadjaofAntipaxos · 09/12/2025 13:34

It's about Christmas centering your child I think.

Before kids and when they were babies and toddlers, we spent years alternating between our families. We drove 2.5 hours to spend 24th, 25th, 26th with one set of parents and then drove 5 hours to the other set for 27th, 28th, 29th then 2.5 hours home. Then there was all the visits to extended family whilst there. Bloody knackering!

Both sets of siblings and other grandchildren stayed local, we were the ones who moved away so the onus was always on us to travel, they never would have come to us.

There was some guilt-tripping when we finally decided to stay home and only visit after boxing day. A big reason we gave was keeping Santa real for the kids who would have clocked a load of presents being transported. Also them just wanting to be at home to play with new toys. But I think whatever reason you have is valid. What you said here about new traditions for your own little family is good enough.

Hold firm! We have a lovely time now, hosting friends with kids on Xmas eve. A visit to the local pub with other friends and neighbours on Xmas day before lunch. Walk on boxing day and the rest we just loaf about pleasing ourselves. Is lovely and peaceful.

Applespearsandpeaches · 09/12/2025 13:32

Unless a vulnerable person will be left entirely alone I think it’s fair you do whatever you want for Christmas. Your wishes aren’t any less important than theirs.

You are modelling what you think Christmas should look like for your children though - I have no guilt over a couple of things we do and decisions we made as a family that I know my parents don’t like, because I watched them do the same to their parents when I was a child. Not saying you’re wrong, but just bear it in mind.

Diarygirlqueen · 09/12/2025 13:27

I think if you're being fair with both sides of the families, I see no harm in what you're suggesting. This is my first year just me and my kids and I'm so looking forward to it.

Welshmum2010 · 09/12/2025 13:26

People with small kids should stay in their own home. Parents can be visted or visit on the days either side. You could have a short face time on Xmas eve or after kids open Presents

LeeshaPaper · 09/12/2025 13:26

Them being annoyed is not your problem. So a simple message/conversation. "We've been finding it really stressful to travel for Christmas so now that we've had one Christmas at each family we're going to now start our own tradition and stay at home. Look forward to seeing you on the 23rd/30th. Love Lindsay Ann "

They'll be annoyed. So let them be. Even when you went to them they were annoyed. Whatever you do it won't be enough so do what suits you and just ignore what they say.