To just accept I’m ugly?

With feminism I meant!

Look I doubt any of us here are going to be a Supermodel any time soon! "Gilding the lily," as my DGM called it when applying her Bourgois rouge and Yardley powder.finished off with a spray of April Violets! You have some nice make up ,a good haircut and some flattering clothes .Goes a long way to "beauty" .Surely though women have come on a lot since Feminism .As long as you are healthy and enjoying life so what

I would never choose to be friends with someone based on looks. It really is what's inside that counts.

Are they open, honest, friendly, confident, a good listener, a good storyteller, are they kind, funny, interesting?

Those are the attributes that matter.

In short yes. Best thing to do is accept your aesthetic shortcomings!

North of age 40 people are less concerned about looks so this plays in your favour.

Buy flattering clothes, a well-planned capsule wardrobe refresh can really lift you. Vinted might be your friend here!

Stay fit and eat healthy and be a good person. Those are the important things.

Years ago, when I used to commute by Tube, I regularly saw a woman who, if you analysed her face and hair, was not at all conventionally attractive - a true "jolie laide". However, she was so cool and stylish in a way that I don't think would have worked if she had been pretty.

Everything about her was well looked after - she had very fine, thin hair, but in a sharp cut and she wore clothes that were appropriate to her work (by chance, I later met her at a work event, as it turned out that she was a member of the same profession as me), but were slightly unusual. I remember a particularly lovely multicolored, long knit coat.

I would say " lean into it" and play to your strengths.

Pretty privilege is real but most people are average. Might be your lack of confidence that causes you to be overlooked.

It isn't in everyone's reach though. Everyone can make slight improvements, but for some of us thats moving from a 2 to a 3 like the OP said. And how much improvement they can make depends on their personal circumstances.
I'm not too hung up on looks, I focus on what my body can do. But if I were to think about my looks and how I come across - well, I'm autistic, and come across awkwardly to others, there's only so much masking I can do, and people pick up on the lack of eye contact etc. I have a bad smile (facial structure and the teeth I can't afford orthodontal work for) I also can't change my asymmetry, or that my body doesn't meet modern beauty standards.

Pretending looks don't matter, or good looks are a choice, when we're in a society that values aesthetics more than ever, is disingenuous. Just because something isn't a problem for you doesn't mean it isn't a problem for the next person.

I doubt you are ugly OP. Some people are plainer to an others, make less effort so in a polished world perhaps appear less attractive? I don’t know.
Get yourself a box dye!

I’ve known very beautiful, absolute arseholes if that helps!

Fair enough, charisma was probably the word I was looking for but I'm just trying to point out that attractiveness isn't just about looks. It's within everyone's reach if they truly want it.

I think very few people are ugly. Most people are in an ordinary scale and then it depends on what you do with it. Things like keeping fit and trim, dental work if needed, a bit of colouring in if needed can really change a lot, as can not doing anything and letting it all go. I also think confidence goes a long way. I’m friends with a woman who wouldn’t be considered a beauty at all but has charm and charisma in buckets. You’d remember her more than you’d remember a pretty face.

I appreciate what you're saying to a point, but that isn't just confidence, it's charisma. We can all work on our confidence, but charisma is a gift!

One of my DH’s female friends - literally one of the best looking women i’ve ever met - was convinced she was unattractive due to cruel messaging she was given growing up.

I was the same owing to my narcissist mother who I now realise hated having a young and pretty daughter taking attention away from her. Do think about your upbringing and the messaging you were given. And remember that when you meet someone new, you clock their appearance during the first moments but when you start to interact with them, somehow you forget what they look like. That goes for colour, looks and age.

Confidence is actually the most attractive thing. I know people who aren't blessed physically but their flamboyance, sense of style and confidence make them very attractive. Have you never known a woman like this whom men just flock to despite the fact that they're very average/below average looking officially? I can think of three people right now that fit into this category who are never short of male attention nor fail to turn heads when they walk into a room.

I hear you, OP. And I think other posters are in denial about how "you're beautiful inside and out" is damning with feint praise. Nobody good-looking ever gets the "inside and out" part, because their beauty doesn't need to be qualified.

That said, half of us are uglier than the average person, and we just have to muddle through. I can't remember the last time someone took a photo I thought I looked good in. But if I shied away from photos altogether, it would just draw attention to my less attractive qualities (including my insecurity). So I stand and I try to smile with my eyes and I know that nobody who looks at the photo will ever judge me as harshly as I judge myself.

I will absolutely use this as a compliment to people I think are beautiful!

I wouldn't normally suggest that you're not a reliable guide to your own looks- after all you know what you look like and I don't. But there are two things in your post that suggest your judgement is a bit off- 1) you interpret your friend calling you beautiful "inside and out" as meaning you look like a gargoyle. She literally called you beautiful on the outside (as well as the inside)! 2) You describe yourself as fat at size 8.

But beautiful inside and out IS a heartfelt compliment... Your friend tried to make you understand what she sees, surely? I don't understand how this is a back-handed compliment or a put down at all. And, tbh, it reminds me of the sort of conversations I had with friends when we were teenagers. My view is that we should try and move away from this beautiful/ugly obsession, which most of the time is just a marketing ploy anyway. Who cares what someone looks like?? I've never chosen friends based on their appearance or admired someone more because they fit the image of what is considered "beautiful" at that time. Let's just all accept ourselves and make the most of our short lives?

What do you currently do to make your appearance better ?
You can still keep your hair looking nice at home pick a box dye you like and keep it up, and make sure your hair’s clean, brushed, and simple. Even small things make a big difference. A decent shampoo and conditioner helps too (I’m a fan of Aussie). If you can’t style your hair get on YT and pick up some easy tips.

Are you getting your eyebrows done? Well-groomed brows can totally change your look. A tinted lip balm is also an easy way to add a bit of color so you don’t look pale.

Skincare doesn’t need to be fancyjust a day and night cream, and maybe a BB cream for every day to even out your tone.

And drink A LOT water. Your skin will thank you.

Kathy Burke is amazing and so funny and self-deprecating. I loved her in 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme' when she would be flicking through a magazine shouting 'what's going on? I'm not a brunette!' and then 'oh, it's Catherine Zeta Jones'!

Most people would prefer to spend time with her rather than someone very good-looking but dull or unpleasant.

Im blunt. I would say your beautiful inside and out AND MEAN IT. Not all women are making snide digs or back hand comments.
I have a friend like you who seems to be waiting for her life to begin but theres always an excuse - she needs to tone up, if she hd different hair, if her face wasnt x, or z. She's literally not living as seems to give a crap about what everyone else thinks

Honestly I think cbt could work wonders for you in changing your mindset of how you perceive yourself and how those around you respond.

You make the most of what you have.

My mate is obsessed with looking fat, she is a size 6 to 8 and has been since we were very young, she is 62 now. She doesn’t do well with men, it’s because she is a complainer and quite mardy. I love my friend but she is so negative she is a bit much sometimes. She even said last year well it’s always been easy for you because you’re pretty with quite a bit of venom. If I hadn’t known her most of my life and really know how and why she ticks the way she does our friendship would have been over.

I know exactly what you mean. I’ve had it shouted out but in your 50s you’re just some middle-aged woman so no-one cares.

This is so true - how often do you see someone and think 'Omg, they're ugly!'? Almost never.

I have had almost zero, zip, zilch attention from men my entire life, even in my teens,/20s. And thank God - from what I've heard getting lots of attention from men sucks. I don't think I'm ugly, though - just not a classic idea of feminine or pretty. I'm not beautiful either, and that's fine.. its just not where my personal value lies. Some men have found me very attractive, including my husband, which I find kind of odd, but it's never been important to me what men think of my looks.

I feel the same OP. My body is awkward and gangling (I’m 5’9 with size 8 feet and used to feel lanky when I was young and thin, now I’m overweight and just feel like a giant) and my face isn’t great.

i have very red cheeks (rosacea) and started wearing makeup from a very young age to try and even out my skin tone, but I don’t have good makeup up skills, even as an adult, so it never looks good.

Even as a child I was always jealous and in awe of pretty girls and how it was just normal to them to be so naturally confident and happy with how they looked. I always felt I stood out so much because of my height.

I still feel much the same as an adult. I’m not hideous, but there is no part of me I’m happy with. My frame is just too big to be able to do anything about and other than my rosacea there’s nothing particularly wrong with my face, they just don’t make a great whole.

I just try not to think about it too much but I do understand where you are coming from.