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Original poster

MIL that invites herself to everything

190 replies

Charboo · 08/12/2025 23:22

This has happend pretty much every time there has been an event at my kids school since they started they have been at this lovely small school for just over a year now. When my DS is now 5 was at private day nursery I used to send pictures of what he was up to and send to my MIL as she liked them and to see what he was upto. However since starting this school they had an app on your phone which I thought was just pictures updating what your child's been doing so I told mil about the app and said I could add her so she could see all the pictures of her grandchildren, stupidly didn't know that it would reveal all the event dates of Christmas fairs, Christingle at the church, celebration assembly, sports days ect and now every time one is announced my mil just invites herself and she's coming to all of Christmas event in the space of three days this week and more the final week when it's hectic. I feel quite annoyed by this as she has done this previously I always get a text saying "I'm coming to sports day", "I'm coming to assembly and I'm bringing so so with me( DH sister) I have made quite a few good friends at the school and I rather have a chat with them then feel like I'm babysitting last year when she insisted on coming to the church with with school, I ended up having to sit with her right at the back in the corner and I wanted to sit with my friends. There's a christingle service tomorrow and I would of looked forward to it, but it has been tainted as she's coming and she lives 40 mins away and the service is only 45 mins and I will be taking the kids home, also she never ever stops talking. I just wish she back off a little bit but then I question my self and think I'm being harsh I don't want to be like that but same time I feel like she's bit overbearing I can't talk to DH because he would feel hurt she's his DM. I just needed to vent as I have no one to really talk to about this situation.

OP posts:
Rolensausage · 09/12/2025 00:20

Well the thing is, you have yourself partly to blame as youve made sure she’s involved and updated on your children’s progress from an early age. That’s lovely. In addition, you gave her access to this app and you've so far not complained so she obviously thinks she’s got a lovely close relationship with her daughter in law and her grandchildren.
It’s lovely that she wants to be so involved. You can still sit with your friends.
Just start communicating better so you all know where you stand and no offence is caused.

DallazMajor · 09/12/2025 00:19

Stop being a dick.

sprigatito · 09/12/2025 00:17

mrsfollowill · 08/12/2025 23:51

One of the best memories I have is sitting between MIL and my mum watching DS5 yrs old at the time in his nativity play. He was a donkey! and the three of us sat there trying not to cry- not to be mawkish but they are both gone- DS is in his 20's! It was lovely to sit with 2 people who loved DS nearly as much as me. Yes my school mum friends were there I saw them everyday before I sprinted for the bus for work but sometimes family is best. I always asked them to come though as there was no such thing as an app for it so it was my choice to invite.

That’s made me a bit tearful…what a lucky kid ❤️

Tourmalines · 09/12/2025 00:15

Well it’s not about you . It’s about the child . What a lovely feeling to always have your grandmother there. Beats grandparents that never bother .

ilovepixie · 09/12/2025 00:09

I feel sorry for your child having a Granny who loves him, and wants to watch him perform in his school events. What a nasty woman she is.

Fdsew · 09/12/2025 00:02

Tell you she is coming is overbearing and rude.
It is not unreasonable to not want it.
Tell your husband its too much.

Feelinguselesssigh · 08/12/2025 23:59

No she is being over bearing

sit with your friends

Diarygirlqueen · 08/12/2025 23:54

At my child's school, alot of grandparents attend all events. It doesn't seem to be an issue. I would love my mum or mil to make such an effort.
Why do you feel the need to sit beside her if she hasn't asked you? You are being unreasonable and childish.

mrsfollowill · 08/12/2025 23:51

One of the best memories I have is sitting between MIL and my mum watching DS5 yrs old at the time in his nativity play. He was a donkey! and the three of us sat there trying not to cry- not to be mawkish but they are both gone- DS is in his 20's! It was lovely to sit with 2 people who loved DS nearly as much as me. Yes my school mum friends were there I saw them everyday before I sprinted for the bus for work but sometimes family is best. I always asked them to come though as there was no such thing as an app for it so it was my choice to invite.

ACynicalDad · 08/12/2025 23:34

This is cheeky of her, bad luck! Tell your husband to come and look after his mum.

Indianajet · 08/12/2025 23:32

I have been to .most of the events at my grandchildren school over the years - invited by my family. This is normal for most families I know - I think you are being unreasonable.

CombatBarbie · 08/12/2025 23:31

Presumably shes using your login? Change the password??

4forksache · 08/12/2025 23:30

It would be annoying all the time. My school gate friendships have lasted many years. They are important.

sittingonabeach · 08/12/2025 23:29

Sit with who you want to sit with.

Don't some of these events have limited tickets?

NuffSaidSam · 08/12/2025 23:27

I think you are being silly tbh.

You're not five! You can sit away from your best friends for the length of a kids nativity play/carol service!

I would find a seat wherever you want to sit and save one for MIL and then you can sit where you want. Or don't save her one and she can sit by herself. Shush her if she's talking during the performance because that's just rude.

There are so many threads here from people where their extended family don't give a shit about them and she's coming to every event. I think it's lovely that she cares so much about her Grandchildren. That's far more important than whether you get to sit next to your best mummy friend for half an hour!