MIL that invites herself to everything

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP, I wouldn't it either, but you need your DH onside for this (assuming he's going to be the one who broaches the subject)?

I think your children are lucky that not only mum comes but Granny also, you can sit where you like.

Just ask the school to remove her or change the password yourself.

Tell her the school reviewed it's security policies and only parents now then give her your best dailymail sad face.

@Diarygirlqueen it's pretty overbearing just to announce you are going to these events, most GPs would wait to be asked if they would like to come or ask if it was okay.

Just say in reply “Oh dc will be happy to see you in the audience again! This time I’m meeting up with my mum friends as planned to sit together for this event, I hope you don’t mind. I will catch you at the end so I can say hello-goodbye before you head home!”

How is the mil being overbearing? She hasn't said to the OP, you have to sit with me.
I think you're being extremely oversensitive and would these issues come up if it was your mum going to all these events? What harm is she doing? Ridiculous.

My PILs didn’t contribute a penny to school fees - I was explaining why the school holds a Grandparents’ Day. They didn’t exist in my day. My own parents paid for extra-curricular activities but never saw any of the recitals / shows / trophy ceremonies as they live on the other side of the world.

Being teachers, and hence not able to get random days off work, we rarely saw our girls' performances, one even had her awards ceremony during the day and my mother went, otherwise there would be no-one there for her. One of my favourite photos is of eldest on her graduation day with her two grandmothers, a month later one of them had died suddenly.

Is paying the school fees 'cherry picking the best bits'?

Let home come - I think its lovely that she wants to be so involved.

But, sit with who you want to sit with.

Boot her off the app.

Blame the school is you want say it’s an app for the parents or their legal guardians only for safeguarding.

Then just Invite her to things every so often.

@bingocard but OP appears to be able to go to these events and probably has her 'group of friends she socialises with, she doesn't need her overbearing MIL to keep her company or go in her stead

All GPs lived too far away to attend events regularly, but we sometimes arranged for a set to come and stay with us when a particular event was on so they could come too. But many school events had limited tickets

Christ I actively send my mum to all the school things I can't do - lessens the working mum guilt !

My opinion is probably coloured by the fact that I sat alone at every single school event my kids did. XH was at work (and wouldn't have taken a single second off even if one of the kids was being awarded a Nobel Prize), parents and In laws all lived too far away and, as it was a small village school, every other mum was sitting with her entire family.

Let your MIL come, but select the events. Tell her that numbers are limited and school are keeping it to parents only for some things. But let her come to others, even if she sits at the back. She doesn't need to attend every single open assembly but Christmas plays and sports day, where there's a general crowd anyway, why not?

I used to feel so utterly lonely sitting by myself in the middle of crowds of families. It's left me a wee bit traumatised now when I have to go to 'family' events!

Should you have given details of the app to her, or is it just like a school website?

Is there a number limit. At DDs it was 2 adults.
I think it’s fine she comes and honestly by secondary this stuff mostly disappears or is ticketed events.

She's intruding in events and taking seats that should be reserved for other parents when there's no unlimited space.

Of course she's completely out of order. That's why schools have to issue tickets, to avoid CF filling up rows and not leaving space for actual parents.

I'm amazed that the app is available to anyone other than parents!
If it's got photos of the children etc, it should really only be accessible by parents.
Tell her the rules have changed and delete the app.
Then ask her along to a selection of events only.

Let her enjoy her grandchild. Life is too short

I would have thought the app is only for parents

Christ I'm glad some of you miserable sods weren't my mam. Some of my fondest memories from childhood were being able to have my grandparents at all my special events.

All this ridiculous talk of lying to her and making up stories about why she can't access the app because the OP hasn't got the spine to say "I'll be sitting with my friends over here MIL" and just doing that.

It was a really lovely story and the loveliest bit was actually that they were so moved but DS was ... a donkey!

Puts everything right where it should be perspective-wise and I'm going to try to remember that story as I navigate Christmas this year! What matters is not having everything perfect but being there for each other.

YANBU I wouldn’t be wanting to accommodate for her every time either. My DM moved close to us and came to a couple of school events and I found it tricky to look after her plus kids didn’t really notice. This time of year she’d rather do an event specifically with them eg light trail

I’d try and get her off the app (maybe for say school have said it’s only for parents/carers for safeguarding reasons) then say I’ll invite you/get you in to the events that are for extended family.

for events this week can you message her for x event we are going to event from friends house - she should go ahead and get a good seat, don’t wait for us etc

or can DH meet and sit with her and you join your friends? Where is he in this situation?

Nice.