MIL that invites herself to everything

It's lovely having a grandparent who cares so much she want to travel almost an hour to see he grandchild's school concert/church service etc. She's not just your MIL she's your son's grandmother. Grandparents are generally very special to their grandchildren - have you forgotten? Or could you not have a close relationship with yours? I hope, when you are a grandmother, you enjoy seeing your grandchildren in school activities as much as your MIL does now. Don't spoil it for her or your son.

Can you take her off the app as a pp said if she’s using your login?

I would hate this. I haven’t read any of the other comments because I have a feeling most people will think you’re wrong. I think it’s rude that she isn’t checking with you. I like to invite my Mum to some things but some I enjoy it just being me watching my children. I’m not sure how you can stop this now without offending her though! Sometimes schools cap how many guests can attend certain things (hall space) I feel bad for you.

I think it's fine to say to her that you'll see her at the end of the service or whatever it is and sit where you want and with whoever you want to. However if she's a nice person then it would be nice to include her. Just be casual about it. If she talks just don't answer, she'll get the hint. It's nice she wants to come along and makes the effort. It would seem really harsh to take offense and exclude her. I think you just need to get out the headspace of feeling responsible for her or like you have to pair up. You don't need to do that. Just be really lovely in the few minutes you do spend with her. It'll be fine.

This op you should be grateful she is interested what you should reply is ok great but I’ve arranged to meet my friends so might see you there put yourself first if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to go.

This op you should be grateful she is interested what you should reply is ok great but I’ve arranged to meet my friends so might see you there put yourself first if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to go.

Obviously she’s going to be an active part of the school community since you gave her full access to the parent’s app. It was quite an unusual move of you but I’m guessing you have no issues with her or you wouldn’t have considered such a thing.
Only parents are allowed the app details at our school- safeguarding. Moot point anyway.
Lovely for your kids. Im hoping you don’t think she’s cramping your style with the school mums? That would be unkind. Include her in the chats or have them alongside her. You can do both. You don’t have to be scurrying off in corners avoiding the other mums imagining that you’re ‘babysitting ‘ a woman old enough to be your mother.

Wahwahwah my kid gets too much support from his loving family!
Good grief woman, you don't know how lucky you are!
If you don't want to sit with her, don't. She's not there for you.

My last school had an app that I never subscribed to…I was afraid to be overwhelmed by their incessant chit chat 😂😂😂 anyway, that means that they emailed me all the events so I am aware of them…in addition of teacher telling you and the paper version (dear me!)…

maybe cancel the app? Get the emails instead and reinstall the app next year without nana?

You can’t really sit somewhere else, otherwise you would have done that. Arf. Info diet!

My mil drives me mad but I wouldn't get upset with this, as long as she's making her own way there and back and doesn't expect to come to mine before or after without an explicit invite from me.
The more cheerleaders for my dc the better, they'll remember the support and love even if they don't appreciate it now.
You don't need to babysit her, and she's being unfair if she expects you to. You can draw a line there by giving her a wave and going to sit elsewhere.

My sister is asking me to go halves with her for her present for our mum. Mum is terminally ill in a care home. Sister wants to do a hamper with food our mum likes to eat:- fruit, crisps, biscuits etc. I have already bought presents for my mum, I'm on a very strict budget as I'm on benefits and my sister works. I'm not sure I want to go halves on this present as I can't really afford it and I already have presents bought. This isn't the first time she does this. For our mum's birthday we bought pizza for us all and although I didn't mind paying for our mum's pizza she bought plates, bowls, cutlery and it ended up costing me £25 which completely cleared me out at the time. If she needed plates etc I have picnic plates etc which I would have been happy to bring along.

For extra info sister is quite a bit older than me and extremely sensitive to criticism etc. How do I get out of this without causing offence or an argument or stress. Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated thank you.

@charboo I don’t think you are unreasonable. I personally think grandparents do like to come and be invited, but they don’t need to be at every little thing and like you I would have preferred to sit with friends. I guess the issue is she has too much information and knows too much unless you can get her off the access and then invite her as you want.

OMG what are horrible thing to read..my own Mam used to come from Ireland when I lived in the UK for as much of my 2 girls activities as she could and then myself and My MIL would take time off work and we would all go together..you sound like a child..I want to sit with my friends not with her..get a grip of yourself.. this is your husbands mother.. I hope your sons wife one day doesn't think the same about you lol

My lovely MIL never missed an event either, and we were always glad to have her there - but it was always by invitation. Her grandsons once took her on a conducted tour of all the school toilets as well as the classrooms.

You maybe a mother in law yourself some time in the future. Fingers crossed you will be invited to things and feel loved and involved. Important x

You can't just invite yourself to a school event when it's not your child. What a wally she sounds. Definitely revoke app access

It must be awful to have a grandparent and extended family that is so keen to attend events that their dgc is participating in.

😂
Bullseye!

Honestly op, you can sit with your friends if you really want to - and it's fine if you do - but how does MIL being there make a difference? Can't she even just sit with you and your friends? I mean you aren't all 13 and trying to look independent.

Also, could you arrange a coffee or similar afterwards to "hang out" with the friends? Or even another day?

This would annoy me too! Like you say, once every now and then is nice, but every single one? No thanks.
One thing I’m not clear about though, is how you end up sitting with her and not your friends. Does she come to your house first and walk over with you, making it harder to separate from her? Or does she just meet you there? I’d just go and sit with my friends if I were you and if she comes to join you, make her feel welcome but still turn and chat to your friends when you want.

You don't have a MiL problem. You have a you problem.

In what way does an enthusiastic grandmother wanting to enjoy her grandchild's Christmas events leave that event tainted?

Dial down the drama, I doubt she's the bad fairy at the christening.

Plenty of posters here complain about uninterested grandparents generally absent from their grandchildren's lives.

Sit with your friends.

If you know seating numbers are limited for one thing, let her know in advance and suggest she maybe come along to the carol concert instead. For example.

Whose login is she using? If it's yours then change your password. But even if she does come to the events I don't see the problem - it's a school event just sit with whoever you want to sit with! "Hi MIL, catch you afterwards, enjoy!" then go and do whatever you want to. It's important to make friends at school for your kids so it's not unreasonable at all.

As a grandparent to a 16 mth old, I can't wait to see all the school productions and sports days, and as long as I am openly invited by my son and dil I will be there. Fortunately I am very close to my adult DC, and on some occasions when we have been invited to something, I always say to them that they shouldn't feel they have to invite us to everything, but they are insistent that they started their family now to hopefully mean both sets of grandparents can be actively involved, I am so grateful for this. But I in no way would just be showing up uninvited, so whilst I don't feel you are being unreasonable, it does make me as a grandparent feel a little sad, as the love for a grandchild is so wonderful, and surely the more loving people in your childs life the better. If you feel comfortable could you just mention that you are sitting with your friends, but she is free to sit wherever she likes, so your dc can see several friendly faces in the audience, or suggest she attends on a different day if there are multiple performances.

It sounds rather claustrophobic. To have her turn up to all and sundry.

I think what changes things is that she just announces she is coming. Not to ask is it okay if I can come along? And not to every activity.
I wonder if the app will ever update of if you can amend it at all ?

As to her rabbiting on. Not a lot you can do about that.