MIL that invites herself to everything

You need to meet some other men. In our extended family, the men are very involved in all this kind of thing. They cook at Christmas and other big occasions, they are friendly and attentive with the in-laws, they make sure they attend school events.

You don't seem to know any good men. Why's that?

‘I wanted to sit with my friends’ is this you or the child.

I think it's nice that she's so involved, especially as she does not live locally. She's being there for her grandkids. Manj grandparents are not interested.
She thinks as she's been invited, but you, to have access to the app she's then invited to everything.
If it bothers you, ask the school to remove her details. You could always say they'd told you it's just for parents.
Then she'll only be invited to what you ask her to attend.

YABU. I'd be thankful that my MIL wanted to be so involved with my child & shows interest in what they're doing. She sounds like a proud Grandma that wants to support her Grandchild. She may want to attend things so she has something to chat to your child about. If she didn't go to things she'd not have much in common or much to chat about with your little one so by attending it gives them both something in common. You can sit where you want. Why not sit with your friends & save your MIL a seat next to you & include her.

I go to all possible GC events at the invitation of my DDs

But this is the point. The mil has not been invited. She just presumed she can turn up to everything. I am sure the OP would be happy to invite to some events.

I go to all possible GC events at the invitation of my DDs and they invite the other grandma too.

Yes - you are invited to the events that the family would like you to attend. You don't turn up at every event, and bring other people along with you!

Sometimes it's nice just to do things as your own little family unit.

If she talks just don't answer, she'll get the hint - Jeez - what an example to set children!

I don’t see the problem, I wish I had family like this but I no longer have, I would do it for my child , it’s not about what you want, I bet your child loves having her there have you ever thought of that.

Have a read on here about parents that have no family and count yourself lucky she’s interested and stop moaning, it’s not about what you want all the time.

How lovely. Children can never have too many people to love them.......
OP .... you are being a real entitled misery guts. You sent her the link and it is not surprising she uses this to show her love and support for her GC.
What harm is she doing you? Your child is learning that he has a person who loves him enough to turn out and support him. How lovely for him
I go to all possible GC events at the invitation of my DDs and they invite the other grandma too. My GC, even the teenage lads, welcome me with a hug and thank me for coming. They are being properly brought up and learning respect and kindness. How will your son learn this with your example?

Completely missing the main topic of this MIL thread but the issue here is more with OP (and other other parents at this school) being able to hand-out login access to a school class app that contains photos of various children.

I agree with this. My son's school has an App, but it's only for parents, not any random relative who fancies downloading it! My son's secondary school would only give a grandparent access, if the student was living with them and they had guardianship. My only thought is that the OP gave the school permission for her MIL to have access to the App. Surely you then ask the school to remove access, and tell MIL it's now only available for parents. If random relatives can have access, without parental permission, then that shouldn't be allowed.

YABU
She’s there because she loves her grandchildren and wants to see them / support their activities. That’s worth its weight in gold.

For you, just start sitting with your friends. You can be polite but you don’t need to babysit her. She’s there to see the GC.

My mum goes to all of the events that I couldn’t (and quite a few we do together) as I can’t often get time off in a school day. My son adores having Granny there and would even share her with other children who couldn’t have anyone come.

she built her own relationship with DS, his friends and some of the other parents / grandparents.

I wish MIL had had the same opportunity but they moved far away when he was 2 and I know she’s sad on what she’s missed.

I’m very much a ‘it takes a village’ person. After both me and my mum were widowed it became even more important that there are plenty of people who love my son and vice versa

I think some people don’t know what it’s like to have a irritating mother or mother-in-law. Sometimes it’s quite subtle, but it’s there. I know exactly how the OP must be feeling. The mil sounds very presumptuous.

Actually this app seems to be the issue. As others have said, can anyone sign up to it? You said you told her about it and she then gained access. Is it not private? Our requests go via the school for approval and then it is only the parents/guardians who are granted access I believe. Grandparents would only be added if they were the main carer which in your case she isn't. I would be speaking to the school about how they allowed her to join and to explain she does not have any guardianship over the children so shouldn't be on there.

I'd love it if my children had grandparents who wanted to spend time with them, sadly that's not the case. You can't have too many family members around who love your children. Sit with your friends if this is the crux of the issue, otherwise I'd encourage grandparents involvement in my children's' lives, if I had that as an option.

Normally I'm right in there with thinking the MIL should back off, but sounds lovely they want to come to events.

You just need boundaries and not feel the need to sit with her, perhaps invite her round for a cup of tea after and then feel less guilty just sitting with your friends?

how on earth is she over bearing and cheeky?
they are her grandchildren,
it is lovely for her and them that she wants to be so involved

You sound a bit immature OP. My MIL never came to a single thing my children were involved in despite being invited. I think it’s lovely having grandparents involved. I understand you find her irritating but that’s life.

Very good point!

@Glasgowgal200 Hi, if you start your own thread you'll be able to begin a conversation on your topic.

How many men do we think are, as we type, arguing on a similar thread about whether and how often they ought to be including their mothers in law.

None

As ever, any adult in the family in possession of a penis is nowhere to be seen and has nothing to do with any of this.

Why any woman, whether mother, maternal grandmother, or paternal grandmother, perpetuatesalll of this is beyond me.

Jesus. OP I don’t think even 10% of people bother to even try and imagine the scenarios they comment on on here. I categorically do not believe that all these women that claim you should be grateful blah blah blah would enjoy their MIL showing up to every single school event with whomever she deems fit in tow.

Give it a day or two and post pretending to be MIL and ask “Is it okay to show up at every single school event that my Grandchild is involved in without consulting their parents?” You’ll get an overwhelmingly different consensus.

Presumably you see your school gate friends at the school gate? And have their numbers so you can arrange other catch ups either way them?

Your MIL is being a lovely Grandmother. You sound cliquey and nasty.

You told your MIL about the App, which she has now downloaded. Presumably as she's downloaded the App, she's signed up using her own username/password? Do the school have a limit on how many Apps can be downloaded per family? Have you not had to give permission for your MIL to have the App, as your the child's parent?! You are partly to blame here because you didn't look at the details of the App before telling your MIL she could download it!! Are events at school not restricted to parents only or only 2 tickets per household? I find it odd that she can just invite herself!!

why is it always the DIL that is stuck with the MIL though? Yes she is a grand-parent, but can't she decide to impose herself on her son, and leave everyone else in peace?

DIL always get accused of being uncaring, but why is it their job? Let the son handle her and put up with her, that would already improve things.