MIL that invites herself to everything

She doesn't need to take MIL for coffee. She's there to watch the play/sports activity/kids event. Once that's done I'm sure she's happy to be on her way (and if she isn't happy she can still be sent on her way).

There's no way I'd take my Mil to coffee with new budding friendships.
It also stops Op from even suggesting coffee afterwards.

But bottom line Op boobed by including Granny on the App. She needs to try to find a way to get her back off the App.

Don't be ridiculous. They're not going to not invite her for a coffee because she didn't sit next to them at the nativity. Her MIL being there doesn't mean she can't speak to them before/after and presumably she wouldn't be speaking to them during the show anyway even if she had been sitting with them.

I'd also try to get her off the app. It should be parents and carers only.

Remind her carer really means guardians, people why custody of the children

You are minimising what she is saying, these are new friends she is trying to make. Shes probably only met them at a few kids parties. They may or may not have moved on from meeting at kids things to meeting up for coffee.

Bring her to sit with your friends. I used to get on really well with friends Mums and MILs.

She isn't just sitting there though. She never stops talking during these performances and she invites other people as well. She also expects OP to sit with her when OP would like to sit with her friends.

If OP was as horrible as loads of posters are saying, she would just tell MIL to stop coming. She doesnt want to hurt her feelings so is really just venting on here.

people keep saying that the OP invited the mother-in-law by sending the app. No, the app was for her to access photos of the child. Yes, the events were listed there. But that is not why the OP sent her mother-in-law the link.

Waiting to be invited by the parents is basic courtesy.

And as usual, people are speaking in extremes. It doesn’t have to be mil attending everything versus in-laws who don’t care and never see their grandchildren. There is a nice medium in between where a mil loves and is involved with her grandchildren, but doesn’t assume she can turn up to every single event uninvited.

We can barely get the MiL to contact the kids for Christmas or birthdays, let alone care enough to come to their school events. I would love for them to have someone who gave a toss but all they have is us.

You don’t have to sit with her?

just say mil I’m going to have a catch up with a couple of friends I’ll catch you after or later.

especially if she’s brought a buddy.

Agreed. A lot of awful human beings on this thread.

1. In what way is she ruining it? - she's just sitting there.
2. In what way is it all about her? - it's no more all about her than anyone else in the audience.
3. She has been invited by OP sending her the app with all the info.

I find it really sad that some posters are so frankly cruel and lacking in humanity. What example is this sending to the children? Might this come back to bite you when you are older?

she's ruining the day/ evening for her DIL, so there's nothing positive about her.
She's making it all about "her", and "her will" to see "her " grand-children. They are the OP's children, she had a turn, butt off.

and just wait to be invited along, how hard can that be?

An overbearing MIL from hell is not a gift a for anyone, terrible example for the children.
Not only she doesn't belong there - I don't know any school where large groups of people are welcome, there's never enough space (maybe different for sports day, true), and a MIL arriving with a guest is taking the spot of an actual parent. Not on.

Overbearing MIL from hell - where does that come in? A caring grandmother who wants to support her GC would be a more usual spin on this situation.

The idea that she "doesn't belong there" is a negation of what family is about. Clearly she does not belong at a parent's evening - but a sports day or a nativity - absolutely she does belong.

My local primary encourages the involvement of the wider family and indeed the whole community. It is a warm, loving and healthy atmosphere for the children.

The knee-jerk reaction that everything a MIL does must be bad is tedious and rather sad.

You are very lucky she is so interested in your kids lives.

My parents never bothered their arse with my stuff or my kids. How lovely your MIL gives a shit.

If your husband won’t speak up then change your password on the app and say you can’t access it either for a bit and obviously don’t share photos specifically from the app (as then she knows you can still access). Make this huge deal that you are chasing it up for a few days (so that buys some time). Just keep saying, not sure what’s up with it all. Then in a few weeks say what a huge issue this blew out to be, and they told you that security was compromised as they noted different phones accessing the data. Because it is children’s photos and such they only allow parental access going forward. Make sure your DH doesn’t screw this story up along the way.

I would find her appearing at all the events and then expecting you to sit with her, extremely tiresome. This will go on for years if you don’t do something now.

@Bluedenimdoglover the OP says her DH is at work

Jesus wept. Read your post back and have a word with yourself.

An overbearing MIL from hell is not a gift a for anyone, terrible example for the children.

Not only she doesn't belong there - I don't know any school where large groups of people are welcome, there's never enough space (maybe different for sports day, true), and a MIL arriving with a guest is taking the spot of an actual parent. Not on.

Worst, it's the OP who has to babysit her, the MIL doesn't stop talking, and I ended up having to sit with her right at the back in the corner is a general nuisance.

She doesn't sound like a nasty person, no one is saying that, but she needs to butt out and leave the OP alone! That's what I mean by sticking with her son. And if the son is not there, then she can still leave the OP alone. If she's coming to see the children, she doesn't need babysitting and imposing on their mother, does she?

In real life, it's REALLY important to make connections with other parents - impact on the kids social life, impact on your childcare network, impact on tips and recommendation. MIL is preventing the OP from building a network, it's not acceptable.

The post referred to the DIL going to school events and not wanting the MIL there. No mention of Daddy going to these. She's the grandmother and clearly loves and is proud of her grandchild. There is the relationship between the child and grandmother here, which is clearly dear to the MIL. If the DIL felt that strongly she should ask Daddy to go along with MIL to these events. I would not mess with my child's/grandparents' relationships, they can be precious memories for that child when the grandparent inevitably leaves their lives.

Well, I can understand it’s quite tough for you, but this is about your child’s relationship with their grandmother.

Although I had a grandmother living locally, I rarely saw her because she (maybe) couldn’t be bothered and because my mum didn’t encourage any relationship between us. She was my only living grandparent too so I missed out on that whole extended family thing (I had aunts and uncles too that I barely saw).

It’s up to the adults to facilitate family relationships not act as a barrier because they can’t sit with their mates.

YABU but only because you haven’t changed your password. Kick her off the app and start telling her when there is an event you are ok with her attending. “Sports day is on Friday. I’m going with some of the mums but I’ll probably see you there if you want to come”

You have the power, use it.

YABU. It’s nice she cares and is interested. You should speak to her about talking though - that’s not ok in plays and church services.