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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate what I’ve become

63 replies

Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:06

Not really an AIBU but asking if anybody has ever been depressed and come through the other side?

I used to be the funny, chatty, outgoing girl, I’ve never been skinny but curvy and used to enjoy going out and having fun with my friends in my late teens and through my 20s, until I met my husband when I was 31 and we’ve been together 13 yrs.
7 years ago I started having health issues, with my stomach and I injured my back and had to have spinal surgery where I ended up with nerve damage and inability to lift my left arm past 90°. I was then diagnosed with colitis and I’ve had some issues with my blood clotting and developed diabetes due to medication.
I am also, due to pain, stomach issues and medication, a size 22 and 6 stone heavier than I was 5 years ago. Due to colitis, all fruit and veg makes me vomit or have diarrhoea.
I can’t exercise due to back pain, knee pain and I tried swimming but as I can’t use one of my arms very well, I found it impossible to move properly and I got in people’s way.
I went to my local leisure centre and they said they wouldn’t be insured for me to use the equipment and my best bet would be to walk.
I started walking round the park by me and got taunted by teenagers calling me a fat b so I went home, cried and hid under the duvet.
I’ve realised that at the age of 44, I no longer want to struggle as I hate that I can’t control my illness, weight or life any more. I went to see my GP today and said I’m on the verge of overdosing on my meds just to stop the struggle and the doctor said I need to stop being hysterical and come to terms with my lot in life. She said I’m likely perimenopausal so I’ve got to go for a blood test. I’ve had enough of constant medical appointments, medication and can’t believe what my life has become.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:31

Azandme · 08/12/2025 21:23

Your GPs reaction was appalling. Your first step could be finding one who isn't a dick.

This is my 3rd GP unbelievably.

I switched surgery as previous one kept losing my blood samples.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:29

schoolfriend · 08/12/2025 21:26

☹️

Thought I’d mention, just in case you aren’t aware, some bikes have a very upright position which doesn’t require much range of arm motion at all. I’ll put in a pic but that will take a while to approve. I searched for ‘sit up and beg bike’ to give you an idea. It’s a long shot but in case that looks more doable..

Show quote history

Thank you. I have sciatica due to the nerve so I don’t think I’d be able to pedal with my left leg either.

OP posts:
mellongoose · 08/12/2025 21:27

I agree with persisting with walking. Can you walk elsewhere? Get a running machine at home?

schoolfriend · 08/12/2025 21:26

Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:22

Unfortunately not due to my arm.

Show quote history

☹️

Thought I’d mention, just in case you aren’t aware, some bikes have a very upright position which doesn’t require much range of arm motion at all. I’ll put in a pic but that will take a while to approve. I searched for ‘sit up and beg bike’ to give you an idea. It’s a long shot but in case that looks more doable..

To hate what I’ve become
Coffeeblanketandabookplz · 08/12/2025 21:25

Those teens are absolute dickheads and im gutted for you that they put you off walking! Walking is the only exercise I do and apart from burning calories its also so good for clearing my head. Ive got a dog who needs walked so he keeps me in a routine with it.

Could you try one of those walking pads temporarily just to get your fitness up and then move on to walks outside? Ive seen them on tiktok, stick your headphones on and listen to a good podcast or watch a documentary while using it so it doesn't become boring.

Azandme · 08/12/2025 21:23

Your GPs reaction was appalling. Your first step could be finding one who isn't a dick.

Original poster
Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:22

schoolfriend · 08/12/2025 21:20

Urgh, what awful little shits. Can you cycle?

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Unfortunately not due to my arm.

OP posts:
Iseeyou99 · 08/12/2025 21:21

Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:18

I can’t walk for long without needing a seat due to my nerve damage in my spine so it needs to be where there are benches so I can walk a bit, sit a bit, and so on. Unfortunately these horrible teenagers are always about.

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I understand. I have a plethora of conditions. I also hate being round teenagers myself because of feeling and looking so vulnerable.

If you can look up local hydrotherapy pools, this can offer some pain relief, easier than walking, and emotional escape.

Then i would look at counseling for yourself. You have a lot of pressure on you. It's understandable you feel this way.

schoolfriend · 08/12/2025 21:20

Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:18

I can’t walk for long without needing a seat due to my nerve damage in my spine so it needs to be where there are benches so I can walk a bit, sit a bit, and so on. Unfortunately these horrible teenagers are always about.

Show quote history

Urgh, what awful little shits. Can you cycle?

Original poster
Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:18

schoolfriend · 08/12/2025 21:10

Gosh this sounds terribly hard. I’m sure other people might have more useful advice but walking really is great exercise and great for the soul. I quite like urban walks which might mane you feel less self conscious. Or perhaps getting right out into the countryside? I hope things improve

I can’t walk for long without needing a seat due to my nerve damage in my spine so it needs to be where there are benches so I can walk a bit, sit a bit, and so on. Unfortunately these horrible teenagers are always about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grimandbearit · 08/12/2025 21:11

Iseeyou99 · 08/12/2025 21:08

Are you under a good gastro team?

Are you on top level meds? There are a lot of options now such as injections that suppress the immune system. Sometimes you have to fight for the best treatment.

Yes I’m under a gastro team and I’m on biologic injections. As they suppress my immune system, I end up with everything going, colds, coughs etc and they make me exhausted and achy

OP posts:
schoolfriend · 08/12/2025 21:10

Gosh this sounds terribly hard. I’m sure other people might have more useful advice but walking really is great exercise and great for the soul. I quite like urban walks which might mane you feel less self conscious. Or perhaps getting right out into the countryside? I hope things improve

Iseeyou99 · 08/12/2025 21:08

Are you under a good gastro team?

Are you on top level meds? There are a lot of options now such as injections that suppress the immune system. Sometimes you have to fight for the best treatment.

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