To hate what I’ve become

How are you doing @Grimandbearit?
I've also been in this situation needing private treatment because nhs won't pay for it (physio and counselling). I thought I couldn't afford it and suffered worse for it for about 5 years! Then I prioritised it, got into debt to pay for it, but the improvement it's made to my daily life I can't put a price on. I now see it similarly as I do when I get an unexpected car bill or something - the credit card comes out and I pay it off over the year. It's not "sensible" financially, but it was a way for me to regain part of my life I thought I'd lost forever. If the situation is making you feel this bad, please view the treatment you need as an essential cost 🙏

Our local authority leisure centre has an assisted gym (not sure what the correct name is) it has power assisted machines and can be used by people with limited mobility and exercises are tailored to the individual. GP’s can give free membership or it is not that expensive if you need to pay. May be worth looking if there is something similar in your area

I was recently under NHS physio and referred to a pilates class and found that really helpful under the physios eye to make sure I was doing the moves properly. It was only 4 weeks but I couldn't believe how much I improved at that time. My sciatica is caused by instability in my core so building on core strength is really helpful. I wouldn't do a normal pilates class with your ongoing chronic pain but physio led one would be helpful. They tailor the moves around your ability.

Living with chronic health conditions is miserable and I feel for you.

I love a beach walk but still do at least 3 x a week on a cross trainer in our garage. I tried a walking pad to use in front of the TV but nearly fell off a couple of times as no handles. I sold it easily on Facebook so look out for something inexpensive and ask the seller to demonstrate!

I catch up with trashy programmes on my iPad and keep the garage door open for light and fresh air. An open window would be fine.

There are lots of inspiring instagram accounts where posters share their weight loss journeys and tips for healthy eating plus there are supportive threads here on Mumsnet.

Meant kindly, weight loss is not always the answer but it just might help.

Would weight-loss jabs be an option? My husbands got a new lease of life from them.

Your doctor told you to stop being hysterical?!? wtf!!

As my age has increased I’ve needed emergency surgeries and I’ve developed illnesses. The medication I take to treat my chronic conditions and a chronic illness itself has led to extreme weight gain.

The weight was put on so rapidly it physically hurt.

I take a medication that is known to cause weight gain. I can’t function without this medication and it was a last line drug that I can take. I also have a condition where a symptom of the condition is weight gain. Some of the weight is fluid retention. I can’t even recognise myself in the mirror. I’ve got medication to manage it and the medication is also known to cause weight gain. So I hold off on taking that medication until the condition is extremely bad.

So yeah, I know exactly what you’re going through. When I cried in my doctors surgery I was listened to. At one stage one of my GP’s organised for a pharmacist to come and sit in my appointment with me to give immediate advice about the medications I was on. That is a GP who cares.

In addition to having your health conditions you have a terrible GP.

You’re not being hysterical. Women are ignored by doctors. It’s even worse if you are a black woman. I’m not black but I know that black women have higher death rates - especially during pregnancy because they are ignored.

I’ve been very slim and now I’m very fat. My weight is not who I am - it’s due to my illness. I started taking weygovy & while I absolutely hated it I think I will go back on it.

Have you considered going on the weight loss injections? It may help your pain condition. In my country if you get diabetes ozempic is covered by the government.

Aww one day at a time. Is there any walking routes or local groups you could do rather than a local park? What about an exercise bike where you sit down (no arm movement involved).
it’s a shame your GP wasn’t more empathetic. In some areas there are community groups that work with people of all ages and disabilities to get them back on track.

Calorie deficit will be helpful. You don’t just have to exercise to lose weight as it’s mostly down to what you are eating.

OP, in case you want to try indoor walking - maybe to get your confidence up a bit before going outside again - I use an app called LazyFit (prob others available). It’s cheesy but I’ve lost over a stone steadily in about 13 weeks so it’s doing something! The exercises are designed for the older person or people with injuries or disabilities. Just a thought!

I have arthritis in all my joints OP so I sympathise.

I also cannot swim, but what I can do is exercises given to me by the hydrotherapy physios.

Try to get an appointment with a physio.

It might be worth it, if you can afford it, to use a hotel pool as they are usually empty.

The walking pad is a great idea. Weight loss is about 90% diet so I'd look into what changes you can make there.

I'm so sorry you were harassed like that!

ive found the same with chat gpt. NHS useless with support with my mental health, disorder eating and neurodivergence and so I admittedly reluctantly tried chat gpt for help. I was really surprised at how useful it was. I know it has its issues and I’d never use it (personally, although I see why people do) as a therapist but it’s given me very useful insights and tips

Firstly this is a lot to deal with, and you sound like you’re trying really hard to get back on track. Please don’t give up. Step one get yourself a decent and empathetic GP, ditch the one you’ve got. You might be peri which will affect your mood, joints and gut. A blood test is useless. You might want to consider HRT. Exercise is important but weight loss will only come through good nutrition. Could you ask your doctor for an appointment with a nutritionist who will tell you how to do this with your colitis? I do think you need some support and you might want to reach out to some of the IBD charities. I hope you feel better soon because you sound lovely.

I can't walk far because of a neurological condition. I found walking in the shallow end of a swimming pool the best form of exercise as you are not using your arms and you do not feel the weight of your legs. That exercise helped me lose all my Covid weight gain. I thought I would never lose it because of my inability to exercise. Hope that or the walking pad idea helps.

I still can't walk or use my arm properly but I feel better in myself for having lost the weight x

OP, you are having such a tough time, it sounds like a non stop avalanche of bad luck.
You’re doing well to keep going with trying new things, it must be exhausting.

i would second asking about wegovy/mounjaro etc, your bmi might make you suitable, and it is a bit of a miracle worker for people I know, you have to manage your diet with what you do eat, to make sure you don’t lose muscle, I think.

You can refer yourself to your local Mind organisation for free therapy, you can always call The Samaritans if you are feeling really low again, I know they would be more sympathetic than your GP!!!

I know you are skint right now, but consider saving a bit towards a personal trainer, if they are experienced they are full of good ideas and might be really helpful, they could find you a good walking route with benches, or find an indoors solution.

Most of all, give yourself a pat on the back for looking after yourself so far, it’s been a lot to manage, but be kind to yourself and acknowledge how hard it’s been, and be proud you have kept on top of things, and moving forward. I’m not sure I could have done as well as you.

Also go back to a different GP and ask a specific question like - are there hospital exercise classes for people with disabilities or can I try a short course of antidepressants.

Our hospital had specific schemes for people who can't participate in exercise in a gym

But know what outcome you want before you go to the GP and be direct.

Advocating for yourself in the NHS is necessary at the moment, but can also make you feel better.

Side note: perimenopause isn't diagnosed by a blood test. It's based off specific symptoms. It says so in the NICE guidelines and the NHS Webpages. Your GP is wrong about that too. Complain about that too !

Report the GP. That's absolutely awful. There must be another GP in your practice.

When we're at a really low point, it can be helpful to just find one small thing to change that we can do for ourselves. Something not too hard that you can stick to.

The thing which stands out from your post to me is that you sound very low about yourself and a bit trapped my your situation.

Weight loss is a big, long term goal. It would be better to pick something small which is likely to have a shorter term positive impact. Make it entirely for you to prove to yourself you can make changes successfully and expand your current position.

Something like - taking a 10 minute walk outside in the daylight every day. Not to lose weight, to make sure you're getting daylight and exercise and giving yourself some sort of routine you can build off later on. Make the purpose of it just to stick to and embed that change in your life.

My MiL has a walking stick which has a little chair which flips out from it. You could use this to take little breaks, then you don't have to walk in the park, you can pick a lovely place somewhere which will make you feel good for being outside.

Don't worry about what other people thing, you have to prioritise what you feel, and what you need to do is feel better.

If that isn't the sort of thing which makes you feel better then you could make yourself some kind of special food and freeze it, or regularly give yourself a pedicure. Some self care and self love are in order.

There's a type of therapy called Compassion Focussed Therapy which you can do free online courses on. I feel like that might be really helpful.

Your post really resonated with me. I've had some big health issues in the last couple of years which feels like my life got split into bedore/after. Almost like two separate lives.

Not sure if it’s possible for you as it is a bit on the expensive side. I got an i fit running / walking machine. It’s been amazing though not cheap. I bought it on klana instalments to help with the initial cost -£1800 roughly, and it comes with I fit. It has a big screen and I can watch different programmes etc. I fit is about £30 p/m for membership. I realise this is loads and probably too much for lots of people. If there is any way you could afford it, it’s so good. I follow mainly American trainers walking round the world in different environments. It’s so good for mental health. I hike up different mountain ranges and love looking at all the different scenery. There’s plenty of just walking programmes. You can also just watch tv. Makes me feel so much better I’d recommend it to anyone, but could also help with your mental health / getting good and regular exercise without seeing those little shits in the park.

Weight loss injections.
A twenty minute walk a day
Some counselling can be offered free of charge - especially any charity based organisation. If you have a chronic illness, you should be offered help.

You have been through a horrendous time with your health, none of this is your fault op. Your dr sounds heartless. Of course you are feeling sad and depressed. I have a chronic illness too, and it can debilitating.

Joining a group of walkers might solve the problem you have had with those little shits calling you names. They’re probably too cowardly to say anything to a group of people but even if they did it wouldn’t smart as much or feel as intimidating as it does when you are alone.

My local authority website has information about walking groups for different fitness levels. Maybe yours (or your library, facebook) has the same. As you need to sit down during a walk you might find that a group walk with older people will work well for you. Don’t let that put you off.

It's so rare (c300 people in UK), if I mention the name I'll have to name change as its outing.

I could have written this post and I really feel for you OP. I’ve had Bowel cancer and the surgery and treatment I had to have for that has left me with a permanent stoma, a bladder with a mind of its own and diseased bones in my hips and pelvis. I’ve had both hips replaced this year and have now been on crutches for over a year. I have scoliosis (my spine has a massive curve in it due to ageing) and spinal stenosis which means that, like you, I can’t walk far without having to sit down. I’m currently having physio to get me walking again after my hip ops but my back is so painful it’s miserable. To top it all I had my eyes tested recently and now have to see an eye specialist. I’m so sick of hospitals and just want to be left alone for a bit. I’ve tried so hard to stay positive but I am so reliant on my husband as I can’t drive at the moment. I keep being told that I’ll get better in time but I’ll never be slim and fit again. I’m a lot older than you - I’m 64 and unable to work but I do get PIP (sorry PIP haters - I don’t get a free car). Really hoping 2026 is an improvement on 2025! Sending best wishes to you OP and just wanted to say I know how you feel. 💐

Gosh really feeling for you @Grimandbearit, and others on this thread. @NooNooHead in particular- I had a relative with dystonia following antipsychotics. It's just an awful condition, she had full body jerking - really scary and upsetting. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Look at "borrow my dog" on facebook or maybe volunteer at a dog rescue as a walker?

But please keep going, you've been amazingly strong so far. Your gp was rubbish to talk to you that way. I'd have got nothing but sympathy and support from mine.

WTF is your GP playing at?? It has just made it worse for you and made you spiral. Arsehole.
I'm sorry OP💙

Oh I feel you. It is so hard dealing with chronic health conditions.

Im under an intestinal failure unit and they are doing amazing work on the mental health implications of IVD - look up Dr Molton. Perhaps his research will help the GP see that it is so important to use medication to help the mental health implications plus the brain gut interactions?

More than anything though, sending you love. Compassion for yourself is the first step - you’re allowed to think it’s rubbish and unfair before pulling yourself back up to try fight for better treatment xx