to feel i hate my 3 teenage sons

I have 3 boys now 22, 19 and 17. The 17 year old is still pretty stroppy at times. The older two certainly aren’t perfect at doing chores but they are polite and able to have proper conversations without just being teenagery and it’s much easier to enjoy their company than it was 5/6 years ago.
I found 12-16 years fairly tough - especially trying to get them to work for exams. I just felt like I was nagging the whole time.
Hang on in there. Make a conscious effort to talk about things they like - sport, music, films, games and to be interested to try and keep the connection. Try and do things together sometimes - like cinema, escape room, climb a mountain or something.
It does get better. I really look forward to their company now.

Do you eat together?

Turn time back to when they were kids- bribe with food etc to help you out, drag them out with promise of nag free screen time, play board games, family movies etc then let them off. As above we all forget we have to parent as hard as when they were toddlers! And start seeing them as individuals as opposed to three teenage boys, I do the same, I have 4 and we clump them together but things go better when we think of them as their individual selves. And show an interest- be around when eg they’re watching YouTube, see if they want to watch inside (sidemen) on Netflix (it’s a group of YouTubers in a big brother type scenario, they have to complete games to not lose money, or beast games on Amazon prime. Best of luck op

I do agree with you that a home cooked evening meal is important especially for growing teens, and personally I think family meal times are important.
But surely you don’t need to be making breakfast, lunch and snacks for them? What do you mean ‘food all day long’?

I have 3 teens and yes they can be lazy and I do have to nag, but they are never rude. They all have chores they are expected to do each day eg lay the table, empty dishwasher etc. They do forget but do it in the end!

DH works longer hours than me but at the weekends he does cooking and cleaning so they see him doing his fair share.
If your DH isn’t doing much around the house he’s not a great role model. Even so he needs to be backing you up on this.

One of them is rude - you tell DS he’s a cheeky fuck and Wi-Fi goes off for one hour. Dad comes home you tell him what happened. He agrees DS is a cheeky little fuck and if there’s a repeat WiFi will be off for 24 hours as no one speaks to mother like that. Repeat daily.

I would start by doing a little bit less for them. You are not their servant.

They sound like normal teenagers to me. Hang on in there, eventually they will leave home and not be your responsibility.

Spend time with them doing things you can all enjoy. We never had a problem with phone use or gaming as always did a lot of sport and other outdoor activities. Dogs can be helpful in getting them outside.

Teenage years are the absolute toughest. Add to that peri/meno symptoms and this stage is an absolute killer. Please don't beat yourself up. You do care, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

Do they get pocket money? Would they be motivated to do chores for cash or treats?

FWIW they do come out the other side. If they end up living out of the home eg uni - they definitely will appreciate you. Unfortunately you may have to wait until they are 21yrs.

You’ve got four kids, three quite close in age - that’s quite a handful to begin with. Cut yourself some slack.

ive got just two teen boys, and yes I want them to eat semi healthily. WEe try and keep the fridge and the fruit bowls full - they won’t shop and they won’t be steaming broccoli by choice, but they can make an omelette / reheat some leftovers and eat a yoghurt and an apple 🤷‍♀️.

For chores, I don’t know what to say 🤷‍♀️ by now mine are well trained to do what they are told and stop moaning pretty sharpish if they start. I don’t nag or shout - I tell them pretty directly that we all need to contribute, and this is their way to do that. None of us live housework but none of us want to live in a shithole.

Stop the lifts to football - hit them where it hurts until they become a bit more considerate

They are old enough to iron their own, and do their own washing for starters. Cook for them by all means, but they should be helping out with housewoek such as setting/clearing the table, doing dishes etc. Your job is to raise product adults, and they won't suddenly become that if they are allowed to be rude, lazy, entitled children/ teenagers.

Yes but understanding has to work both ways. It’s not ‘throwing weight around. It’s about raising and developing young people who have respect for others and don’t take them for granted.

Otherwise you are just raising the men that we are constantly hearing about on MN who treat their wives like servants.

Yes I agree about picking your battles but that doesn’t mean they get to be lazy sods just to avoid an argument.

I have three sons and honestly never had any of that with any of them. I do feel for you because boys are such a joy to have in your life.

Speak to them one on one and explain why you have an issue but be prepared to listen and accept you're wrong too.

Just because someone is a parent, it doesn't make them right.

Sorry op but I disagree that it’s good parenting to be making all the food for teenagers. Good parenting would be having good nutritional food available in the house for them to prepare themselves. Even the 12 year old should be able to eg make his own eggs for breakfast.

My boys are the same age. Im a little puzzled why you hate them. They dont seem to be doing anything terribly wrong.

Mine get 2 hours of electronics a day and then have to ask if they ant time increased - everything is controlled form my phone.

Chores have to be done as soon as they come in from school - we have a schedule who does what each day.

If they are rude. I block wi fi.

Yes that’s part of it but obviously that’s not working for op if she’s reached the end of her tether. You have to do both. Implement discipline when you need to. Praise your children when you need to

It took a serious amount of parenting to turn my 15 year old into a decent human. You can’t give up. Do not tolerate the bad behaviour, do not tolerate the not doing what they are told. As other posters said phones taken off them, no PlayStation, no x box. My husband said he was in the FARM movement. Fathers against raising morons! So we have always been on the same team. Now we have got to this stage everything is such a pleasure. But Christ it was hard.