Feel so much guilt about wrap around

Kids moan, OP. It doesn't mean that you have to make such a big decision based on a kid moaning.

Especially since they don't fully understand things the way adults do.

Your kid hates it and you probably don't need to do it? If I was you I would stop the wraparound care.

Lucky! I looked into that and it was way out of price range for us (3 kids, 2 of whom only do 2 days ASC, other one in nursery. If they did more wrap around the difference would be smaller). Nanny seems so much simpler and nicer and economical!

Do you wonder the same about the many men with children who work full time too?

We got an afterschool nanny for this reason. The cost isn’t that much different for us – £93 per week vs £135. And she does their homework, cooking and tidying up too. The kids don’t moan anymore.

My DD complains that she doesn’t go to wrap around care more. She goes once a week and it’s just playing with her friends, so she whinges to me to send her more often.

YANBU to feel that way. Breakfast and after school clubs are generally grim. Needs must though!

"I don't want to be fully reliant on DH wage and it's healthy to have your own career and purpose. working is still the smart option."

But you're already reliant on the money you make by working for someone else. Are you suggesting that your children don't give you a purpose? Your work doesn't define you, by the way, especially when the boss you work for can easily replace you should you get hit by a bus tomorrow.

I'm not trying to be abrasive, I just see huge gaping holes in your logic, and the awareness that most of the country feels the same way you do genuinely frightens me to the core.

Same to all of the above.

Also, is your DD in reception OP? I felt that way in the first year, the following year I got over it. Friendships started building, so and so goes to breakfast / after school club so I want to go too. Everyone’s parents are working nowadays. The guilt does ease off.

YANBU. If you’d like to adjust things to be there more before and after school and you can afford to, then definitely go for it if that’s what you & your DC would prefer.

I love doing all the school runs and so much goes on straight after school. I love the flexibility to match my children’s needs and preferences across the week- park if it’s good weather, both have a friend round once or twice a week, straight home to chill out and decompress is lovely too. I love having time to do Art, Lego, Aquabeads, reading a pile of books to them and having a cosy cuddle and chat. My 7 year old optionally does 1 day at after school club until 5pm to see different friends there. We do what suits us each day, and all love having unhurried time to catch up.

Can both you and your oartner/her dad look at your schedules to see if you can cut out some of the sessions?
And how old is she?

Mine does breakfast club 5 days and after school 3

She doesn’t hate it - she only 4 and they go to the nursery for after school club so she’s with little friends age 3/4/5 only which is nice

the have tea in there and she always comes out so happy

but she’s absolutely shattered in the evenings

I could finish up my day a bit earlier and do sometimes and get her on time or by 4.30/5 but I also have a baby to pick up at nursery so it’s a big juggle trying to do it all - it’s easier if I get the baby and husband gets the school run based on where we work - but it means school
child left til 6 if we do that and it’s a lonnnng day - so I do always feel guilty
If I get baby then go to her the poor baby is out for like 50’mins in the whole round trip and he’s grumpy and cold then - so you can’t win

If you could drop a day at work it might help break it up a little dropping to just wrap around 4 days ??

Many such cases for many women. Makes you wonder why they have children in the first place.

And I never said anything on the contrary.

YABU to feel guilty

Women have always worked, since the beginning of time.

YANBU. Women can have jobs, but working just to pay for childcare is pretty stupid when you have to put them into childcare so you can go to work anyway. I don't even understand what woman would ever WANT to go to work over being with her children. Obviously the choice was removed and many can't be with their children, but that's the cruellest part of all of this because the kids end up being raised by the state.

Replacing the father (the provider) by the government was never going to end well, either. You don't want to miss key moments and milestones in your childrens' lives.

It depends on individual circumstances. I didn't go back to work after my son was born, and was a SAHM until he started school. I work part-time at a school, and my main reason for working in a school was the fact I'd be there for my son during the holidays and for school runs. Some Mum's have no choice but to work full-time and use wraparound care for their children. If you don't need the money and could work part-time, then do that, if it's right for your family.

I changed my work to.avoid wrap around. Most people.i know do a mix..ie..drop some days or hours so kids arent always in wrap around.

Not sure ive ever thought it was the done thing to work long hours with kids...most people I know work part time (and im in a v competitive industry)

I know people do what they think is right for their personal circumstances. If you can afford to don’t do it. Your child will be happier and I think it will be less stressful for all.

It isn’t something I’d choose to do, to be honest. I don’t think it’s terrible or the worst thing a child can experience or anything dramatic like that, but I do think if you can reduce it a bit it would be best.

Does she go to wraparound breakfast and after school every day? That is a lot in primary, if it’s possible for you to drop some hours then you could have a balance. Dd goes to wraparound 2 days a week which seems to work well for her.

How old is she and what is she actually saying

And I think they will be really pleased they were in after school club when we've got more money to help them with a house deposit, or can retire earlier and help with grand children etc