Feel so much guilt about wrap around

Well if you can afford not to work and just go in for a laugh then yeah, feel guilty.

If you need to work, don't feel guilty, it's life.

I personally feel zero guilt with working as the alternative (they starve) would be worse.

Why do these threads turn into a competition between those who take time out for their kids and those who choose not to.

If you decide to have children and then don’t make the requisite sacrifices to raise them that makes you a poor parent. Putting babies in nursery, keeping young children in nursery for 8 hours a day and then sticking them in wrap around care till they’re 16 how on earth is any of that healthy? How as a parent are you ok with spending such little time with your offspring when you know their childhood is brief.

This isn’t a go at parents who genuinely are on the bread line and have no choice but to work, nurseries can be a life line. The ‘god forbid women want financial independence’ that’s fine just don’t do it at the expense and well being of your child.

Then when you’re called out for it you come on here making attempts to make women feel bad who have taken time out and do have supportive husbands (shock, horror they do exist) feel like they’ve traded in their financial independence. Children require sacrifice and selflessness both parents should be making adequate changes to ensure their children are being looked after by their parents predominantly.

Exactly. God forbid a women have a career which gives her long term financial independence

Exactly.

I don't 'need' to work in the sense that we can live off of DH's income. I think that's very short sighted though and doesn't take into account my career progression, pension, earning potential etc and the fact that going down to one income is inherently risky.

I also love my career and men don't have to choose so why should I?

We used all sorts of care for our children but for our eldest two we used au pairs when they were older to allow them to be home. Our youngest went to wrap around but that was because my husband worked from home for himself and he could collect early from wraparound once the school run traffic eased up. I didn’t focus on the guilt too much. I felt guilty for any discomfort my children felt about anything because I’m a human Mum but I didn’t dwell on it.

posters often say they don’t ‘need’ to work FT based on short term current household income - DH earnings.

Personal earnings and earning ability are important in a number of frequently arising situations: divorce, DH redundancy or illness. And to build a personal pension.

Given it was deleted for spite, I don’t now know what it said. It was bloody horrible though and clearly MN agreed.

‘Surely no one wishes they had worked more over spending with their children?’

Nasty comment. It’s just not that simple. As well as time with parents DC and teens need housing, food etc - that costs money. Working PT or not at all for some years has huge personal risks - and some risks for the DC - that few fathers are willing to take.

It's a statement of fact, the OP literally said that she doesn't need to work, she chooses to. Therefore it's demonstrably correct. Why do you choose to fee so offended by the truth?

‘Do you need to work full time?’ People don’t say that to fathers. Working PT has perks but also drawbacks, not least discrimination and worse prospects for promotion and pay rises.

Why isn’t your H doing a share of weekday parenting?

Can one or both of you get some flexibility to be there for one earlier pick up a week?

Whereas at our school there’s a waiting list of kids who want a place even though it’s not needed because it’s so much fun and the kids love it.

As with all childcare and clubs it’s the quality that matters.

Of course they’re going to pick more holidays, they’re kids. The point is they shouldn’t be stuck in wrap around to begin with. Quality family time is key to children’s emotional development and emotional intelligence.

Op I took a career break from a very high earning role, so kids didn’t have to go nursery and wrap around. Don’t regret it. Your DH needs to be in board and you need to work as a team. Childhood is very, very brief and it’s not worth them being stuck in the system without quality of life. So if you can do it.

I voted yabu as a reception teacher regularly seeing children crying because they don’t want to go to after school club. If you can possibly avoid it please do

Wtf is this.

What are you thoughts on SAHDs

Not everyone works in a corporate job.

I m not 100pc sure but where we live if, it will likely mean the difference between living in a nice area or a high crime area, or buying 5-10 years earlier. I think us both working will have a huge impact on their lives when they are older.

I asked them both yesterday when I responded on this thread, if they'd rather go into wrap and holidays, days out, eating out etc, or if they'd rather cut back and see me more. 10 year old (who is an introvert that has never actively enjoyed wrap around) said they would definitely choose wrap around and holidays, which surprised me. The 7 year old said they couldn't decide. Either way I don't think they're damaged, or feel like they've been 'raised by the state', or they've got a different bond to what they would have had if we'd been around more (although to be fair as we have progressed in our careers we've had more flexibility so it's been a while since they were in breakfast and after school every single day, maybe their answers would have been different if this were the case).

I'd be asking a few questions:

1. Do you need to work full time financially?
2. Would you work let you drop hours?
3. Could you comprising on breakfast club or after school club?
4. Do you want to drop time at work (some mums don't as they have a good career and that is also fine!)

We have a mix of everything in DS year at school. Some parents work full time, some work part time (anything from 16 to 30 hours), some are SAHPs. There are people who use no wrap around care, just breakfast club, just after school club and then both breakfast and after school club. There is always someone moaning about going or not going to wrap around care. Depends on the week and how long the term is.

My compromise was to drop a few hours (to 30 hours), use breakfast club and pick up at the end of the school day. Financially it made no difference in my 'left over' money between part time and full time when you took into account extra salary against extra fees. Work were happy to let me drop a few hours a week (I work every day just finish at 2.30pm). Finally it means DS get some 'fun' time with his friends in the morning which he wanted either before or after school.

Do you think? I tend to think that children get one childhood and they will remember being left somewhere after school every day that they didn't like Vs potentially getting help with theoretical future children.

OP if you don't have to work full time, I'd absolutely change your hours. I went freelance after having kids and I haven't ever regretted it, but I realise I'm in a privileged position. The only thing I've ever regretted is putting my kids in nursery when they were babies so I could go to my full time job, which I ended up losing anyway. They were sad, I felt guilty, my job didn't care. That I regret hugely.

My DC was in wraparound care from 4 - single parent teacher - and enjoyed it.

What a load of absolute nonsense 🙄

What are you on about? I definitely haven't said marriage vows to my boss (who's female btw!)
I'm loyal to my husband and I work hard. Definitely for my own early retirement btw nothing to do with my boss!

Shock horror I also out earn my husband by double. It doesn't matter as we work as a unit.
We both work as a team though with our children, both are jointly responsible for them (including pick ups) we are both responsible for doing chores and taking days if the children are sick.

Your view is archaic, its absolutely OK to be a SAHP if finances allow and its a joint decision. It is not OK to spout some Andrew Tait crap!

Mine does 3 days ASC and she does complain sometimes, I think mostly because she sees others being collected by parents/grandparents at 3pm. I do feel really guilty about this and sad when she complains. But I also rationalise that its best for the whole family that I'm working - I enjoy the change of scene and I like having my own money to spend.

I would say that it is worse in winter when they walk to ASC and are just stuck inside. In summer it is brilliant, they play outside and she doesn't want to leave!

If you can, explore options to reduce your hours - so perhaps you can have the best of both worlds.

This might shock you so you may need to sit down.

Some women earn more than their husbands and LOVE to financially provide for their family.

Dd does one day a week. We did a brief stint of her doing 4 days and I do think it’s too much. If you can possibly avoid it I would.