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AIBU?

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AIBU about baby activity table

145 replies

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 16:42

Recieved message yesterday whilst out from OH of an audioclip of our almost 10 month old crying and a message saying your shallowness followed by I'm sick of your retarded choices...grow up...fu*king mature...it's enough...you're my enemy...I'd asked what happened but he wouldn't say just kept messaging messages like above... When he did answer he said baby had wobbled and hit temple on activity table then he said your dumb fuck activity table has no benefit to him, just your shallow self to make you feel good...our baby has been poorly so has been abit unstable on his feet and falling over more often, I knew that as he'd had a wobble during the morning when I was looking after him so was having to stand holding him. OH claims he was right next to him holding him but then continued to say it was a dumb investment along with the new dining table I purchased... for reference it's just a metal frame with wooden top and 2 benches... We've removed the benches as baby kept using them to pull up on and OH was worried about injury and also came back to find my Christmas table arch removed as he also said that's a stupid investment also. I didn't put a tree up this year obviously because of 10 month old, but have put a table arch with garland and some other Christmassy bits around up high of the floor. I continued to get aggressive messages calling it shallow, stupid fuckery that doesn't prioritise baby and that he's had enough of my absolute fucking immature mindset and fuck me and my ideas. When I came home he told me I didn't deserve to have children. Surely an activity table and a dining table are pretty standard things and not wild ideas? I think he's being precious and absolutely crazy, but interested to hear others POV as maybe I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:58

What can't you physically do after having a baby?

I'm genuinely interested?

Would physio help?

Snugglemonkey · 08/12/2025 19:56

Yabu being with this wanker.

FarmGirl78 · 08/12/2025 19:56

You can have support from him in sharing child care so you're not doing it all, but that does not mean you he has to live in the same house as you.

And his housing and accommodation need is nothing whatsoever to worry about. That's not your responsibility. He's a grown man, with strong opinions on his things should be done so I'm sure he can get himself sorted.

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:56

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:40

You're making excuses for him.

The mind boggles.

How is that making excuses for him? I need support physically with the baby since after giving birth I have struggled with my mobility and strength. If he has nowhere safe to give that support with the baby I'm at a loss as to what I am supposed to do...

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:52

MarmorCake · 08/12/2025 19:41

Do you have any family nearby? Friends?

No friends who would be able to help out in any way and The only family I have is my mum, but she's not in the best pyshical health anymore to be able to help out much either like she was with our youngest.

OP posts:
FarmGirl78 · 08/12/2025 19:51

Is he being precious? No, he's being abusive.

Do you really want to spend your life having that directed at you? He treats you with utter contempt. Do you wasn't your child growing up thinking that's a normal way to treat someone you supposedly love?

Get out.

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:49

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:45

Does he have family he could go to?

No, none.

OP posts:
Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:47

Ddakji · 08/12/2025 19:44

Yes, but is there support you can access elsewhere? That’s why I suggested Women’s Aid or your local domestic abuse service.

I take it your parents aren’t around to help at all?

I will look into women's aid, I'm just afraid they won't be able to help me as I still need his support with the baby. My dad has passed away but he wasn't the kind of man who would have been supportive and my mum isn't of much help. I don't have any other family or anyone else close.

OP posts:
IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:45

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:44

Both, but as I mentioned he's no issue transferring to me he just needs to be able to have somewhere to go, he wouldn't be able to afford private rent.

Does he have family he could go to?

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:44

VikaOlson · 08/12/2025 19:37

Whose name is the tenancy in?

Does he work? Why can't he rent somewhere?

Both, but as I mentioned he's no issue transferring to me he just needs to be able to have somewhere to go, he wouldn't be able to afford private rent.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 08/12/2025 19:44

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:40

It's my problem if I can't manage the parenting alone and he hasn't got anywhere suitable where he can help share that responsibility. I struggle with physical health problems since having the baby and can't manage alone 24/7. I doubt 9 year old would want to have contact with him anyway and vice versa since they don't have a good relationship but since he does a large chunk of taking care of the baby I need that support still.

Yes, but is there support you can access elsewhere? That’s why I suggested Women’s Aid or your local domestic abuse service.

I take it your parents aren’t around to help at all?

MarmorCake · 08/12/2025 19:41

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:40

It's my problem if I can't manage the parenting alone and he hasn't got anywhere suitable where he can help share that responsibility. I struggle with physical health problems since having the baby and can't manage alone 24/7. I doubt 9 year old would want to have contact with him anyway and vice versa since they don't have a good relationship but since he does a large chunk of taking care of the baby I need that support still.

Do you have any family nearby? Friends?

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:41

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:40

It's my problem if I can't manage the parenting alone and he hasn't got anywhere suitable where he can help share that responsibility. I struggle with physical health problems since having the baby and can't manage alone 24/7. I doubt 9 year old would want to have contact with him anyway and vice versa since they don't have a good relationship but since he does a large chunk of taking care of the baby I need that support still.

If, if, if!

IwishIcouldconfess · 08/12/2025 19:40

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:32

Secure tenancy with the council. He has no issue leaving me with the house as he wouldn't take it from the children but if there's nowhere for him to go he can't leave and he needs somewhere suitable he can also have the children so he can share the responsibility of the parenting.

You're making excuses for him.

The mind boggles.

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:40

Ddakji · 08/12/2025 19:34

That’s not your problem, and personally I would be fighting for him not to have any contact, and certainly not unsupervised.

It's my problem if I can't manage the parenting alone and he hasn't got anywhere suitable where he can help share that responsibility. I struggle with physical health problems since having the baby and can't manage alone 24/7. I doubt 9 year old would want to have contact with him anyway and vice versa since they don't have a good relationship but since he does a large chunk of taking care of the baby I need that support still.

OP posts:
VikaOlson · 08/12/2025 19:37

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:32

Secure tenancy with the council. He has no issue leaving me with the house as he wouldn't take it from the children but if there's nowhere for him to go he can't leave and he needs somewhere suitable he can also have the children so he can share the responsibility of the parenting.

Whose name is the tenancy in?

Does he work? Why can't he rent somewhere?

titchy · 08/12/2025 19:37

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:32

Secure tenancy with the council. He has no issue leaving me with the house as he wouldn't take it from the children but if there's nowhere for him to go he can't leave and he needs somewhere suitable he can also have the children so he can share the responsibility of the parenting.

His problem to solve not yours. Find out about an eviction order and non-mol.

Ddakji · 08/12/2025 19:34

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:32

Secure tenancy with the council. He has no issue leaving me with the house as he wouldn't take it from the children but if there's nowhere for him to go he can't leave and he needs somewhere suitable he can also have the children so he can share the responsibility of the parenting.

That’s not your problem, and personally I would be fighting for him not to have any contact, and certainly not unsupervised.

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:32

VikaOlson · 08/12/2025 19:21

No one is going to rehouse an abusive single man.
What's the situation with you home, is it rented and in whose names?

Secure tenancy with the council. He has no issue leaving me with the house as he wouldn't take it from the children but if there's nowhere for him to go he can't leave and he needs somewhere suitable he can also have the children so he can share the responsibility of the parenting.

OP posts:
MarmorCake · 08/12/2025 19:31

He called you his enemy. This is serious. Try to get out of this relationship before anything happens to you.

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:23

Bigcat25 · 08/12/2025 19:14

That's not really fair. Op said he wasn't like this with their oldest. He's ramped it up, and changed.

We don't know the nature of op's health problems.

When I chose him he was nothing like my dad and the kind of man who doted on me and would have done anything for me, but I've watched him slowly change over the years and become a shell of the person I knew

OP posts:
VikaOlson · 08/12/2025 19:21

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:19

It's not that I don't see it. I worry that no one will help as I mentioned to my midwife when I was pregnant and asked if I could get a letter to help with housing so he could move out and was told she couldn't help because it would be helping him get housing and not me. I'm classed as sufficiently housed by my local council. I've already spoken with them and they also are aware of the situation, gp has done a supporting letter which details the arguments Infront of the children and the abusive name calling towards me etc but for the foreseeable there's no chance of him moving out the property until he can get somewhere suitable from the council.

No one is going to rehouse an abusive single man.
What's the situation with you home, is it rented and in whose names?

Ddakji · 08/12/2025 19:20

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:19

It's not that I don't see it. I worry that no one will help as I mentioned to my midwife when I was pregnant and asked if I could get a letter to help with housing so he could move out and was told she couldn't help because it would be helping him get housing and not me. I'm classed as sufficiently housed by my local council. I've already spoken with them and they also are aware of the situation, gp has done a supporting letter which details the arguments Infront of the children and the abusive name calling towards me etc but for the foreseeable there's no chance of him moving out the property until he can get somewhere suitable from the council.

That’s really good you’ve started a paper trail.

Do you have these messages saved? I would go back to the GP with that, or to the council - so they have someone who deals with domestic abuse victims?

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:19

LifeSurvior · 08/12/2025 19:03

Until you are ready to see his majorly psychological abusive behaviour towards you absolutely effests your children, particularly your nine year old, nobody can really help you. We can give advice and support on here but ultimately it's up to you.
When you are ready call Women's Aid, they will help you.
But you have to help yourself first and realise you are in an deeply abusive relationship with an abusive man and your children are being directly affected everyday of their childhood.

It's not that I don't see it. I worry that no one will help as I mentioned to my midwife when I was pregnant and asked if I could get a letter to help with housing so he could move out and was told she couldn't help because it would be helping him get housing and not me. I'm classed as sufficiently housed by my local council. I've already spoken with them and they also are aware of the situation, gp has done a supporting letter which details the arguments Infront of the children and the abusive name calling towards me etc but for the foreseeable there's no chance of him moving out the property until he can get somewhere suitable from the council.

OP posts:
Ariel896 · 08/12/2025 19:15

Whiteoleander2 · 08/12/2025 19:10

I said he wasn't hurting or abusing the baby nor did he hurt or abuse our other son as a baby/toddler. Now our son is older they don't have a good relationship and he is quite rude to our older son also. Our older son is also very rude to me but I guess he has seen his dad behave that way. I don't doubt that if the baby disappoints him in someway as he grows up and makes mistakes he also won't receive the same treatment but abusive as in hurting the baby, absolutely not. He wouldn't lay a finger on the baby.

So your arsehole husband has created a carbon copy of himself for the future generation of girls to deal with! You need to get the fuck away from him. Things will only get worse