To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

I’m not interested in showing off what I have. I work to build security for my old age and to give my children a better start than I had. I grew up with nothing and I now have something, but not enough that I could lose my job tomorrow and still be comfortable. So I don’t have the time or the inclination to flaunt anything. I’m focused on stability, not status.

Although if someone can afford luxury bags, shoes and cars I don't have a problem with them visibly enjoying them. If you can afford it, I am happy for you.

i couldn’t agree less with the notion of “showing off” money. It really is tacky.

I think people should be able to spend their own money on whatever the fuck they want, as long as he’s legal. If that means designer bags and sports cars, well that’s up to them.
Equally people are entitled to perceive those people in a particular way.

Depends how it's done I think.

I like family like paternal grandparents and IL who grew up in actual not enough to eat poverty got to enjoy hoildays and nice things later in life - good on them and I can ohh and arh for quite a bit after a while though it gets very boring.

What I really hate is the corrosive one upmanship - yes you had a great hoilday but why are you trying to put ours down - my IL did this with our first family hoilday and then when we went somewhere from my childhood - then when that doesn't work have to visit it first and be experts. It'd done a lot.

There a local mussum and has one of the best presreved selection of type of item in whole of northern europe - so we all in end had to try and avoid MIL going on about stuff in southern euopre she'd seen that was so much better - because we wanted to enjoy what was in front of us.

I think also when I was younger I had more patience for same stories and boasts now I have less potential to get those things/visis thsoe places - partly economic winds shifting - partly choices we made - 3 kids - partly and much to MN annoyance I prefer doing things with others and spending time with them not just seeing pretty things is where the enjoyment comes for me - and I'm not sure they are as interested.

It also doesn't project the happy confidnece air that many assume it does - as it does tend to scream I'm insecure and need your validation - and that never a two way reciprocal thing - just more demands. Also culturally it's seen as a middle class or working class apping better things ie tacky - I think that hang over from Victorian society.

I’d love to be really wealthy so I didn’t have to worry about job security, my child’s future, or what would happen if one of us got sick…

But to be wealthy to “show off”? No. That’s not the point, for me.

Who is shaming you?? I carry a lovely handbag and drive a nice car. No one has ever heckled me about either. I don’t really care what a random person online thinks - is that who you mean? I work hard and spend sensibly, I also feel I am someone of fairly good morals, I try to be kind, fair, friendly etc. What is there to be shamed for???

Why do you think it's showing off to buy a nice car or a handbag. I couldn't tell a 'real' bag from a knock off so I wouldn't be impressed and cars are nearly always bought on a loan. Just buy what you like and can afford, who cares what anyone else thinks.

Not sure if you actually want people to think you are showing off your wealth, but you might be disappointed.

Who cares what other people think? I don't mind spending money on nice holidays, but I wouldn't enjoy them more if I did a post-holiday photo dump on social media.

Maybe it's become 'taboo' to flaunt wealth online because children are starving and the elderly are living in bitterly cold damp flats....
Dunno... you should buy the handbag / go on holiday though - and flaunt it - it will defo make people like you more.

Maybe people aren’t bothered about showing off. I know I wouldn’t be. I’d want to enjoy wealth if I had it, but I wouldn’t show off.

Also, believe it or not but people do not care. I genuinely don’t care about someone’s handbag or shoes and I would get bored hearing about a holiday I didn’t go on unless it was someone I am close to. I might admire some photos of a beautiful house a friend has posted on social media, but I still wouldn’t have any invested interest in it and would soon start scrolling after a few posts about the same house. So yeah, people can brag but honestly, most people won’t be listening or will only be half listening to be polite.

I don't think there's anything wrong with people having 'showy' designer stuff if that's what they like and they enjoy it for themselves, and by all means feel proud of the fact you've worked hard for the money to pay for it all. I'd feel sad for someone who feels they need to buy that stuff solely to show off, or so they can feel superior to people less fortunate though. If you like something and can afford it, then buy it because you like it, not because of what other people think of it.

Some people like nice material things, some people prefer experiences, others just like financial security. But trying to show off money or success can sometimes be quite tacky. There is truth in the phrase money talks, wealth whispers (and debt screams)

I wouldn't think most people would have an issue with you buying a nice bag if it brings you personal happiness.

The problem is when it brings you happiness, not because you love the bag, but because you can show it off to people who don’t have a nice bag.

The other issue is that showing off you spend thousands of pounds on designer bag looks a bit silly if there are clearly other things the bag owner would have been better to spend the money on.

I know a man who spends quite a lot of time showing off about his expensive car. Unfortunately no one is as impressed as he wants them to be because the only reason that he can afford the car is because he still lives with his parents. The car and his living arrangements are absolutely none of my business and I don’t judge either of them. I do judge the showing off.

I've been very fortunate financially but most of our spending is not particularly visible, mainly because I'm not on SM. We enjoy our money and spend a lot on holidays and trips but if you don't post it anywhere or mention it, then most people have no idea. A lot of money goes into long term investments so dcs won't have to worry about uni fees or housing but I never discuss that with anyone.
I don't spend much on handbags as I find leather too heavy these days (I just use a Uniqlo nylon bag) and don't use a car as the tube is quicker and easier.

I certainly have friends with the income/wealth to do things, who find the need to 'explain away' how they are able to do it.

So, one paid for their child's university fees -- oh that was money the grandparents paid. (PS not a financially wise decision!)

Another went to Antarctica -- was left some money to pay for it (yeah, but you already have 3 homes so could afford it).

We spend our money on things WE enjoy and that we value, and don't give a toss about "showing off" or the image we convey to others.

I can't understand the mentality of anyone buying things for "showing off" to others - it all seems very childish to me.

If WE want something WE value, then we buy it. It never even enters our heads what other people may think!

So basically what you want to de-shame is the ability for people to say “look how much money I’ve got! I don’t need to worry anymore!”.

Do you honestly, seriously think the reaction from anyone but your mum (maybe?) would be anything other than (1) jealousy (or is this what you want?) (2) distaste at how crass you’re being (3) repulsion that you may be hurting other people who are struggling (4) indifference?

Buy your things and enjoy them. It will always be a bad idea to “show off” - or make your things “visible” as you put it.

I find the idea of wanting to show off your wealth very odd tbh. Having and enjoying nice things is perfectly fine, but actively wanting other people to notice purely so they can tell you are wealthy is an unpleasant attitude that I’m thankful not to encounter too often.

Don't feed the AI bots...

Because you should enjoy it for yourself. Why would you feel the need to show others your wealth by filming and photographing your purchases and putting them on social media? That’s a sign that the pleasure isn’t purely in having the items for your own use snd appreciation, but that there’s an element of wanting others to admire and envy them too. Quite frankly, happy people don’t feel any need to do this. I think the happiest people in life tend to not give a shit about having designer bags and leather car interiors. We have a lot of disposable income and I couldn’t give a monkeys about having a Hermes bag or posting my holidays tbh. I’m not very impressed with anyone who posts a picture of their designer bag on their Merc AMG car seat - I think they are a knob!

Buy the nice stuff, use it and enjoy it, just don’t bring it up first in conversation. Life is short so yes, enjoy the fruits of your labour but do it for you not for social media. The people who surround you will notice, leave it to them whether it’s commented on or not.

No idea, my whole life has been about scraping by, robbing Petra to pay Pauline so conspicuous consumption or restrained luxury is not something that I have ever had to consider.

I didn't grow up with much. We'd definitely have been in the 1 in x families can't afford presents, 1 in x mum's goes hungry so she can afford to heat the home category. And now I'm doing absolutely fine.

The point is that I'm financially stable. My kids will never know what it's like to worry about if there's enough food to eat. I can invest in quality that lasts. We can have holidays without compromise and not worry if the oven breaks or the kids lose something expensive. We will be able to give them the financial backup as adults that we didn't have.

I don't understand the point of showing off. I don't care what other people think. My enjoyment in a luxury holiday is the holiday, not the social media pictures. I want a quality handbag that lasts - I don't need a designer one.

If you enjoy showing off, that's fine, enjoy. But it is definitely not the only point.

There's nothing wrong at all with enjoying the privileges and ease that money can bring you. But if you're focused on making sure others know what you have - 'showing off', as you put it - it might be a good idea to contemplate why you need others to know. Is it to feel superior over them? Do you crave the validation of others and are unable to give that to yourself?

True contentment comes from within, it isn't dependent on the opinions of others. If you need others to give it to you, something's missing in you that you would feel better for fixing. Something to think about.

I don’t think it is necessarily showing off though, to do or have nice things. Using an example from the OP, simply driving a nice car isn’t showing off. Posting all over social media about how expensive your car is would be showing off.