To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

I think we have to decide whether the luxury we are buying is for US or to impress others. Fine balance between the two.

Context matters. I am in Australia visiting my son and have posted lots of pictures on FB . My friends know how much this visit means to me . They also know that I drive a shit tip car ,live in an average house and have saved for this trip. They know I am not bragging,just sharing my amazing experience.

I've never got the point of "showing off."
Why do people need to do it? Yes wear the bag, drive the car, have a nice holiday, enjoy yourself. Not sure why the whole world needs to know about it. It is just vulgar.

God no, having money to spend is great, it's irrelevant what others think of how you spend it.

If you are British, I don't think ostentatious displays of wealth was ever a 'thing' for many. It is not exactly a modern day sensibility, in days gone by it was often considered 'vulgar' to display your wealth in this way.

I think you overestimate how much people want to celebrate your good fortune with you!

In some circles, overtly demonstrating wealth is a social necessity to prove that you belong. There is nothing wrong with that, if it’s how you choose to live your life.

It’s not the same as bragging randomly on SM about how affluent you are.

PS my dh drives a Porsche, he loves cars. It was a well-selected vehicle that didn’t cost more than a top range Tesla. We can definitely afford it; it’s a luxury my dh enjoys.

We have a relatively modest home, we don’t live lavishly. That’s just habit really - our friends are not flash harries, some fork out for private school but we don’t as we envoked middle-class-privilege in buying a nice house near good schools. I enjoy the success of friends with more (of course occasional pangs of jealousy, I’m on my human) but I’d hate them to rub it in my face.

I would deselect from my social circle who made a point of advertising their wealth in an obnoxious way. We simply wouldn’t get along.

People treat you differently when they know you have money. You can enjoy wealth without the showing off

I don't want to be kidnapped or targeted by thieves who want a chunk of what I've built up, so I don't walk around as a billboard that I have enough to be worth targeting.

You don't even need to have that much to become a target.

I also have zero interest in swanning around in front of people who have less rubbing their noses in it.

What else is showing off for?

The things that make me happy are not about money anyway, or about showing off.

I love having enough to not have to be scared when I turn on the heating (because I have been that person so I value what I have now), but the rest of the world doesn't need to know how much of a non issue that is for me.

My experience is that those that live flashy lifestyles usually have self esteem issues and a mountain of debt. I certainly don't look at designer items or a flashy car and think 'wow they must be doing well for themselves'. Comfortable people have nothing to prove to others. Moneys talks, weathy whispers is true IME.

Let's be honest. Visibility is about getting pleasure from making other envious.

I don't get this at all and personally, I don't get along and respect people who get a kick from knowing others are jealous.

My experience also is that those who go for the most blatant sign of richness (the land-rover, the house in the right area, the designer clothes etc...) are usually those who are not half as rich as they like others to believe they are.

You sound very insecure.

Does it not totally depend on how much you have though?

I am in the situation that I am comfortable but not rich, I could stretch myself and buy a nicer car, I could have a nice (ish) watch. I choose not to as I would rather save, plan for the future etc.

If I was in a position that I could do all of it without thinking I would. If splashing out on a new Mclaren was pocket chance and would make no difference to the future of course I would.

I think the main purpose of outwardly displaying wealth is to show off, the result of showing off ff is making other people who don’t have what you have is to feel bad. Why would you ever want that?

enjoy your wealth in the way that makes you happy, but that happiness shouldn’t be derived from other people being jealous ….

You’ll never agree with me and I’ll never agree with you.

there’s just a massive fundamental difference between you and me, and it’s apparent from your opening post.

the reward for me is security. Not having to worry about being evicted, or affording food. Being able to give my kids a comfortable life with good food and fun holidays and hopefully help them afford to buy a house at some point. Being able to help them when needed.

Showing off just doesn’t come into the equation. Partly I feel no need to do it and derive no pleasure from it. Partly it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want to gloat over somebody who can’t afford what I can. Partly I just cringe because it would make me look like a twat.

edited to add: my kids go to a school in a very mixed area. There is a lot of poverty and deprivation. They have been aware from a young age of the effects that “showing off” could have on these kids who have less than them. And I’m very glad they have, seeing as there are adults around who think like you!

Totally depends, are you enjoying the money the way you want to and by doing that it is visible then crack on. If you are spending your money 100% with the intention to show off then you are a total arsehole.

For example, you have bought a new Ferrari as a car fan, crack on happy days, to the outside world this is a very visible sign of wealth but ultimately you bought this as a car fan who enjoys driving and enjoying the styling of the car.

On the other hand you spend a day doing a photo shoot on a private jet to post to instagram just to show the world you can afford it.... arsehole.

Honestly, I really couldn't care less about "showing off. I live in a very ordinary 3 bedroom house, drive an oldish Toyota Yaris and dress in clothes from ordinary high street shops. I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

For me, having money is all about a)security and b)freedom. Impressing other people doesn't even cross my radar.

I always think that people who display their wealth are silly to announce it publicly through cars, rolexes, jewellery and designer bags. There are expert burglers who specifically target the wealthy. I'd rather buy mid range and enjoy my savings and holidays. Being comfortable is a massive cosy blanket for me, I don't need people to know it.

You've got a weird way of thinking about things, unless it's just your wording that is odd.

Buying and using nice things, and expressing your enjoyment of/appreciation of them isn't "showing off." Wearing a nice coat or taking a designer handbag to a dinner with friends isn't showing off if you're wearing it because you like it and it goes with your outfit/is suitable for the occasion, no more than someone using the primark equivalent would be. Even accepting a compliment on the item and saying "thanks, I really love it," or "I bought it to treat myself" isn't showing off - its just factual.

It only counts as "showing off" if the main or primary reason for using something expensive isn't for your own personal benefit but to demonstrate to others that you can afford to have the thing.

Basically if you'd like something just as much if it cost a tenth of the price and would use it regardless if who you were with then using it isn't showing off.

If you only or mainly bought/use it to demonstrate you could afford it, then it is.

Because it's tacky. Always has been and always will be.

The few friends I have known since childhood who have done really well for themselves financially share the exact same things that I do. Their pride in their children, family get togethers, pets, their lovely Christmas decorations and the walk they enjoyed in the countryside that day. In the background you can see their beautiful big house but they aren't posting 'look at my great big house, I am considerably richer than yoooouuu.'

You should buy whatever you like with your own money. Buying things in order to attempt to show off your money to other people is very sad though. It's not going to have the effect you hope. It's true that money really can't buy class.

I always assumed the point of earning well was to be able to eat what you liked, turn the heating on when you wanted, buy new clothes whenever you needed them, go on holiday when you wanted... without having to consider if you can afford to do it this month...

That would be understandable (kind of- I still think it’s crass) if hard work was always appropriately rewarded. Plenty of people work their socks off for much less than they deserve, doing really important work that makes everything possible for the people who make much more.

I have a life limiting condition and whilst this may not be quite what you mean, I no longer keep anything for best and if I like it I buy it, although I guess I'm fortunate to be in a position to do so.
It was an eye-opener sorting an aunt's possessions after her death and seeing so many beautiful items that she never used.

I understand that going from nothing to something is worth a celebration.

However, who would you like to celebrate with?
People who are close to you and love you? Sure, many people celebrate by getting something nice for their loved ones.

People who are worse of? Not good.
People who are better of than you? That might work, they might be able to genuinely enjoy your success.

As a middle class child in a good industry and being lucky enough to have a stable partnership I am grateful for my lifestyle, but I feel that celebrating in a visible way would be weird as many of my friends are less lucky though not less deserving or less hard working.

Whose idea? What does visibly celebrating look like? It sounds like it’s to show other people but that means you are looking for validation and that way madness lies.