To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

It's the 'look at me!' element that is tacky. By all means spend money on stuff that makes you happy or feel more secure, but not because you think someone else will be impressed.

Honestly, I think people who 'show off' about money must be insecure somehow.
Theres liking and buying nice things and then there's making it known to everyone how much money you spend and on what. The latter type of person, I try to avoid ( and I do know a few) because I find it so shallow and empty.

You show off by retiring early and never having to work ever again.

"Showing off" to whom, and why? It wouldn't impress me because I'm not interested in cars or designer bags and neither know nor care how much they cost.

I'm not wanting to impress anyone with my personal belongings, and the people who are anxious to impress others in that way do strike me as being vulgar and yes, quite laughably shallow.

Where's the criticism?

Social media is a race to the bottom of one-upmanship and making everyone look like they're living such amazing lives. I'd guess the massive majority of people trying to look successful on social media do not have their retirement and their childrens' futures sorted unfortunately.

So yes, I think take care of those things first, or at least prioritise them very highly alongside showing off.

I'll freely admin I am not a social media or a showing off person. So I don't really get it. But I spend money on other things that most people would think is a stupid waste of money. But I put retirement and my family's futures first.

I probably have those things. Don’t show them off nor would I get pleasure from that but if someone sees me wearing a nice bag or whatever so be it. I certainly wouldn’t post stuff like that online! I don’t have anything to prove to anyone.

I don't get your point.
If our income suddenly doubled, we would enjoy the holidays, we might upgrade from our 16 year old car, we might even move to a larger house.

We would certainly enjoy the buffer that our good fortune would provide and I think in many situations money can soften life's blows.

I don't feel that we'd get any benefit from needing to be seen to be better off though.
I doubt care for bags and designer clothes and id be very happy with a car that got us from a to b comfortably without caring particularly about the brand (I like Japanese cars but that's because we've found them to be both comfortable and reliable). My priority would be heated seats and parking sensors, not the badge on it.

Not a brag, but a statement of fact: My husband and I are each individually multi-millionaires. We are very fortunate.

I have never owned nor wanted a designer bag. The only bag I want is one that is functional and perhaps, as a bonus, looks nice. I couldn't care less what brand it is, or whether people notice what brand it is.

We both drive basic cars, which are now 9 and 11 years old. We bought them new which I know not everyone is able to do, but we had no interest in buying cars that show off our wealth. We wanted practical, reliable, safe cars and that's what we got.

We don't hide that fact that we are relatively wealthy, but we certainly have no interest in showing it off. It never occurred to me that this would be the most important reason to have money!

I think it's really sad that you give any weight to how much money people think you have.

I am an in an incredibly fortunate to be relatively financially secure, with savings, retirement, and provision for my children all sorted. I have a comfortable life and money worries aren't one of the things that keep me awake at night. I couldn't give a shiny shit about how much money people do or don't think I have. It's the least relevant or interesting thing about anyone - or at least, it should be.

Why does it matter to you? Do you believe that having money makes you better than someone who doesn't, or more worthy of respect? Exactly what do you get from 'showing off'?

This is just stereotypical nonsense, I know quite a few old money and I can assure you they dress very well. Real life is not a jilly cooper novel.

if anything, and I will make my own stereo type, and that is those who are not actually wealthy, just not skint, maybe straddling the line between working class and lower middle, want to show it off. Those who are actually wealthy usually do not show it off, irrelevant if they earned it themselves or its generational.

as said, up thread, I earned it myself, you’d likely make an assumption if you knew me, due to where I live and how I dress, the car I drive, the privately educated child. But I’ve never ever showed it off, neither has my husband, nor would we ever consider it. So as we earned it ourselves and it’s not generational. We would be classed as nouveau riche. Everyone I know in my bracket is similar. We also live close to old money, our neighbours, in multi million pound houses. They also don’t show it off. But neither do they walk about in hand me down clothing, they are very well dressed indeed, and their homes beautiful, but they are also high earners in their own right.

if I had to make a stereotypical assumption, it’s the op is far from what most people would consider remotely wealthy.. Shes simply not in that bracket, She’s just got enough disposable income to buy some nice things, maybe a nice car on a loan repayment, house on a new build estate, can afford a decent but not extravagent holiday, but it feels wealthy to her, compared to what she’s used to, and she wants to show off she’s no longer in the poor bracket.

so my stereotype is she’s not remotely wealthy, by most people’s standards. She’s just done better than her up bringing, of which she felt ashamed, and now she can afford a few nice bits she wants to spend on them and show off.

there's a difference between people noticing your rich and making sure people can see you're rich. the last reeks of insecurity

i agree with the others OP, you sound insecure and shallow.

Our household income is substantial. We don’t care for cars or bags. Such ostentatious displays of wealth are indeed tacky. We have 4 children and we aim to get them all through uni debt free and with a £100k house deposit, and still have enough to retire at 55. We consider that a far better use of our money.

Why is visibility part of the reward? Why do you need to flaunt your ‘success’? Is it not enough to know you’ve done well and have a financially comfortable life?

Is your house mortgage free? Is your pension fully topped up? Do you have a chunk in savings to help your children through university or as the deposit on a house? If the answer to any of these is no, stop splurging, a designer bag is a just an overpriced accessory.

I agree that this country loves to tear down people that are successful and have made money. I appreciate that ‘success’ isn’t just measured in monetary terms.

However people shouldn’t feel ashamed of having a large house, travelling the world, buying themselves or others nice things etc as doing that doesn’t mean they aren’t also helping charities, doing good work in their communities, supporting others. I don’t really know why some people feel these things are mutually exclusive.

I have seen dressing smart - and even dressing in what assumed to be quality - DH often makes his own jackets now and when it goes well it's often assumed to be the very expensive unsual mataterila that starts at high price point - does get better service in shops and hotels - which PP mentioned but I don't think that's the same as showing off or boasting.

With actaully rich people - few we know they tend to follow fashion less and buy to last - so they can at times looks surprisingly scruffy but are completely uncaring about that. Rest with money but not huge amounts like people to notice their stuff - like compliments - but don't push for them.

I don't think it's ever been seen as acceptable in UK culture - all fur coat and no knickers or keeping up with the Jones are well know phrases more modern ones chavy or football wive style that cover flashy nouveau riche ostentatious displays. TBH I think actual rich people doing it couldn't give much of a fuck what others actually think and are enjoying it.

Personally I think status symbols are shallow and sad, sorry OP.

Exactly this. You can't buy class.

I feel really sorry for anyone who feels the need to "show off" anything to feel good about themselves. You'll be much happier in life if you focus on doing things that make you happy/feel fulfilled rather than trying to impress others.

Also YABU for saying "level up" 🤢

Agree with others, there’s a reason you care too much what others think and require validation. That might be showing your peers you’re at their level to be included or to show people that you’ve done better than them, which is always transparent.

I’d keep it very quiet if I had loads of money, to both protect myself from cheeky fuckers and to not rub it in peoples faces.

The point for me would be family security and comfort.

Boasting and bragging about wealth is tacky and crass to me. And incites a lot of eye rolling and avoidance from people who dont actually care what you've got or how much it cost. But if you don't mind being on the receiving end of any of that, then crack on. There's a lot to be said about quiet wealth. I find braggarts dull, boring and embarrassing.

Because 'showing off' is considered nouveau riche and definitely not done. The very richest people wear the dinner jacket their father owned, and have their shoes mended and their suits patched and stiched. Oh, and they drive old landrovers, too.

I don't move in circles where we constantly compare what eachother have, so I can't relate. I could not give a single shit what my friends drive or wear on their wrists. Utterly meaningless.

Spend your money how you like and focus less on what other people think of you. Just don't for a minute think you can control others' perceptions of you, because most people take a dim view of boastful behaviour. Either own being a show-off without embarrassment or don't!

Also OP I know people who drive flash cars and have nice holidays and it’s all on finance and credit cards. So if you’re only doing it to show off then it’s a bit daft because for all people know you’re just racking up debt 🤷‍♀️

The truly 'nice things' in life aren't the things you can buy with money.

If you think you've come a long way and that being seen to consume is part of the reward then you almost certainly haven't come as far as you think you have.

Showing off your wealth in clothes, accessories, cars etc is the definition of shallow. It's surface level. I'm not saying its bad, but there's nothing deep about it and no-one will see it as deep. If someone shows me their new bag I couldn't care less how much it cost, if its nice, its nice. If you tell me how you've wanted one since seeing it in a film as a kid and you promised you buy it when you were grown up, that's cute and interesting. Or if you bought it for a special event, I'd love to hear about it. But if the extent of if it "this is reaaaaly expensive" I'd find that boring, because it's shallow.