To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

Your argument is illogical. There is a whole spectrum between showing off enjoying what you earned and austerity,

we would be fortunately considered affluent, I assume you can tell from the house we live in, the quality of the clothes we wear, or the cars we drive. But we don’t sit and show off or post pictures of it on line. You have to see us, interact with us, know us, to get a sense. If asked If we are going on holiday we say yes and where, we don’t go on about it being 5 star and butlers, the food we ate or drinks we had. We may post a generic image of the beach or someghing. We don’t wander round with designer labels visible on our clothes. Nor do we drive crap cars, live in a small house or wear cheap clothes to hide it, we simply do us.

i simply don’t see how it is pick between either show off enjoying or live in austerity. You can enjoy and not show off.

i also grew up poor, so have empathy with those struggling , the visibility is not remotely part of the reward for me as it is for you.

you need to get to the stage in life where you grow up, and not want to impress other people, or make them jealous. That you can just do you. Without needing an audience to validate it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Am_Rich

For me, the point has been buying our home and making mortgage payments. Hopefully my children will never experience being evicted due to a landlord selling, watching a parent struggle to find new accommodation, face possible homelessness or live in insecure housing. Hopefully they'll be able to follow their dreams, even if that means additional studying or unpaid/low paid internships/work experience placements, because they'll have parents who can afford to give them choices rather than needing them to pay their way. They'll have opportunities that many take for granted, but which not all kids have, like swimming lessons, hobbies which require the purchase/hire of equipment and driving lessons.

Man, late stage capitalism has really got you.

Try and stop caring what you're supposed to do and just do what you want to.

For me having money us mainly about comfort and security. I'm not afraid to spend it but it's not to show off, it's to be comfortable. It isn't necessary to flash things around or always spend as much as you can afford to "send a message". In fact I'd rather live fairly modestly and keep quiet about how much we have. If people think you have money they will always want you to share it!

A friend quizzed me a while ago about mortgage payments and I was truthful and said it was all paid off. She was horrified and exclaimed why are you living here then (nice 5 bed townhouse/semi). We love our house and it's exactly right for us. In fact once the kids leave it will be too big. But friend thinks you should always get the biggest and best house you can possibly afford the mortgage for. No thanks.

Same with my old, basic car. No finance, cheap as chips to run, does what I need. If I was really into cars I'd get something flasher but I'm just not interested for the sake of impressing other people.

Enjoy your money however you like but the showing off but suggests you would like to use it to impress others which is embarrassing.

It's really uncomfortable when you meet people who derive self esteem from material wealth and you feel compelled to participate in admiring their pointless consumerism so that they don't feel crushed by your indifference.

People who have wealth and enjoy luxury goods without the fanfare are not uncomfortable to be around.

The issue isn’t enjoying the proceeds of your hard work.

The issue is when displaying your wealth is the purpose of the behaviour. I have a very big house, not to display that I can afford it but because I had 6 DC 4 of whom weren’t allowed to share rooms.

I wear a particular brand of shoes (expensive by my standards) because they don’t hurt my feet like most shoes do.

I don’t buy more expensive items to display them, but because they have features I need.

No one is asking you to take the tags and labels off. Just that buying expensive to demonstrate that you can, is pointless bragging.

I think there's a very big gap between "visibility" and "boasting", so it's a bit hard to tell what you're talking about. Owning lovely things that people can see is "visible" and no big deal. Constantly bringing up how many nice, expensive things you own is quite naff, very tedious, and probably a downer for a lot of people.

I'm not really sure what specific behaviours you mean by "visibility".

Do what you want, enjoy your money if you have it, but showing off is tacky af.

@OldLondonDad You have just proved the point that OP is making. Work hard, work clever, be successful and as soon as she want to enjoy life a bit more and then a grumpy bugger comes along and criticises you.

I think it is pretty shallow to be showing off your wealth. I prioritise earning well for things that don’t really have much visibility. I grew up relatively poor, no financial safety net and will not inherit a penny by the looks of it. That means I have to work hard to get to a point of financial security. I earn well but I am not wealthy.

I earn a salary FTE of £172k plus bonus and car allowance at the moment. Huge by most people’s standards but the reality is that I don’t see that much of this because I have reduced my hours by 10%, I’m overpaying my mortgage so that I’m mortgage free in my late 40s, I’m paying the max I can into a pension, I’m paying into JISAs for the kids, hope to fully fund university for them both, and give them a house deposit in later life. I hope to retire early-ish at 60 or so. I’m investing to make sure retirement is comfortable and I can still help the kids as I had them late - at 60 my kids will be 19 and 22!

To do this, I live in a terraced house (nice, 4 bed but not flashy). We have one good but not stand out car - not like some of the flashy Audi or 4X4 brigade. I like nice quality clothes and food so I do spend on these but not in a flashy way. No designer things. I like a holiday but again we will be off to campsites in France vs all inclusive Ikos type holidays. I’m happy with this tbh as I find (as a general rule) those focused on ostentatious wealth displays or status are not my people! I have financial freedom and that to me is everything!

I go on expensive holidays because I enjoy them. Not to post photos on SM. That is just so naff. If people think I'm as poor as a church mouse as I don't flaunt money, I couldn't care less.

I think the key is who you hang out with.

I'm from quite a deprived background and when I (rarely) go back to my home town the disparity in wealth between my family and I is obvious but I try not to mention anything which could be seen as condescending/braggy (I do always pay when we all go out for meals etc but they seem to just expect that anyway :-D).

However, the people we socialise with locally are almost exclusively current or retired ex C suite professionals in massive multinationals, a couple of professors, consultant surgeons etc etc. NOBODY ever shows off or even mentions money except for one guy who ALWAYS wants to tell everyone how rich he is.

We all quietly think he's an insecure knob.

You're not even in the game if your bank balance will fit on a business card.

So in terms of ‘showing off’ - who are you showing off to? Friends, family, social contacts, colleagues, the world in general?

And what sort of response would you be looking for? What is an ideal interaction in this way for you?

🤣

This. 💯

Agree. I don't like expensive bags and I can't drive so I just have business cards printed with my bank balance on and hand it to people when I meet them.

Have you not seem social media op?

"The point" is to prepare for a comfortable retirement; to have back up in case of illness, divorce, job loss etc, to support children's education (if you have children), to live comfortably and enjoy holidays, hobbies, culture without feeling any stress. None of this involves showing off!

You are getting enjoyment from showing off wealth to people who aren’t as rich as you and your framing that as not shallow?! This is laughable. It’s one of the most shallow things you can do

I'm all for buying the nice bag and car etc, but it should be because they bring you joy and not related to what other people think about them.

Visibly enjoying is one thing.
Spending just for the sake of showing off is another.

You’re allowed to have nice things if you can afford them. You’re allowed to post about a lovely holiday. But there are ways of posting about it while being a dick, and ways of avoiding being a dick. I wouldn’t ever post “look, I’ve bought a new car, so glad I’m not driving a horrible old thing any more” - that’s obv outright boasting. Posting a few pics of holiday and saying you had a lovely time - fine. But maybe not every weekend. And not saying “so glad all our hard work paid off and we can now afford this lovely new holiday”.

And be mindful about who is in the group you’re posting to. If there are people who are struggling, who you care about, then yes you should probably not post too much about the shiny new things you have over and over, and at least be careful of how you say it.