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Original poster

No more Christmas gifts or birthday presents.

35 replies

LA1988 · 08/12/2025 10:42

Since I left my youngest childs dad he has only ever given them a £25 xbox gift card for their birthday/Christmas (that's one gift card to cover both) last year I challenged it & asked why it was that amount & only for a specific thing when his other children (who live with him) get lots of presents on both their birthdays & Christmas so we agreed i could pick up gifts around birthday & Christmas time for our child. Everything went fine. I picked the gifts up, thanked him, was polite etc (we didnt end on good terms). Now this year he didnt send any gift cards for their birthday or even buy any gifts. Instead hes said any money he would spend on them usually for birthday /Christmas he will put to one side & they can have it when their older enough (he didnt specify age etc) of course I asked why & he said it was "no longer logistically possible" I dont see how when I picked them up last year after a 12hr work shift both times. When I asked if he would be doing the same with his other 2 children (not giving them gifts & putting it to one side) he ignored me. My argument is why is my child being treated differently to the others? Why do they get to open their gifts on their birthdays and at Christmas when my child gets nothing. I think its really unfair but my ex refuses to discuss the matter any further

OP posts:
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OneNewEagle · 08/12/2025 21:23

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 17:23

Thank you its been hard im not gonna lie but 1 thing i decided early on when she was diagnosed was i wasn't going to waste any energy on worrying about him being present or even a decent human being because that would have just taken away from the energy I was focusing on my daughter.

Show quote history

I don’t blame you. When these men show their true colours it’s best to wipe them from your mind entirely and focus on the kids. Sending you much love x

TheatricalLife · 08/12/2025 21:12

I'll eat my hat if they ever see any of the money he is "putting away"

OneNewEagle · 08/12/2025 21:10

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 15:06

If you think that's bad wait until u hear what my exh did when we split. His exact words for why he didnt want to see the kids after he left was "its easier for me to think of them as dead" which was really haunting as just this year our daughter who was only 13 passed away this year of a genetic condition and he didnt even come to the funeral that I literally had to sort out myself so nothing surprises me when it comes to these narc men.

I’m so very very sorry to hear that that’s awful. I hope you are managing ok and have other support 💐

My DCs biological other parent was similar. The courts revoked his parental rights and I became the only legal parent. My DC is in their 30s now and this year after 25 years of no contact I was sent a death threat aimed at my son and I had to go to the police station literally sobbing. some men are absolute monsters.

Original poster
LA1988 · 08/12/2025 20:48

Our child is 11. His dad & his partner both work. He has one child from a previous relationship. One with me. One with his new partner & her 2 children from a previous relationship. I have savings account for our child offered the details but he said he didnt want them. He never picks up or drops off. He's started all these fun & games since he met his new partner. They went on holiday abroad with all the kids in August my child wasn't invited. He constantly pleads poverty when it comes to CM. So it keeps getting reduced but he works full time. Only been with his new partner a year & in that time her & her kids have moved in. They've had a baby together & got engaged 3 months ago. It baffles me. Sometimes I feel like he is punishing our child because I left.

OP posts:
Fdsew · 08/12/2025 20:28

Clearly scum.

Hedgehogbrown · 08/12/2025 20:25

LA1988 · 08/12/2025 10:42

Since I left my youngest childs dad he has only ever given them a £25 xbox gift card for their birthday/Christmas (that's one gift card to cover both) last year I challenged it & asked why it was that amount & only for a specific thing when his other children (who live with him) get lots of presents on both their birthdays & Christmas so we agreed i could pick up gifts around birthday & Christmas time for our child. Everything went fine. I picked the gifts up, thanked him, was polite etc (we didnt end on good terms). Now this year he didnt send any gift cards for their birthday or even buy any gifts. Instead hes said any money he would spend on them usually for birthday /Christmas he will put to one side & they can have it when their older enough (he didnt specify age etc) of course I asked why & he said it was "no longer logistically possible" I dont see how when I picked them up last year after a 12hr work shift both times. When I asked if he would be doing the same with his other 2 children (not giving them gifts & putting it to one side) he ignored me. My argument is why is my child being treated differently to the others? Why do they get to open their gifts on their birthdays and at Christmas when my child gets nothing. I think its really unfair but my ex refuses to discuss the matter any further

Well he's a fucking arsehole. And you are trying to prop him up and cover for his shitty behaviour. Let him be a deadbeat Dad. Be honest with your children. Let him disappear. He's a dick.

Swash89 · 08/12/2025 17:31

What a shit! How old are your kids?

Tiggywiggypiggy · 08/12/2025 17:30

It’s what terrible Fathers do.
Walk away without a backward glance.
I spent years excusing bad behaviour.
When my son graduated he didn’t invite his Father.
My Husband was invited as he was the one who had supported him.
They will be ok because they have you.
x

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 17:23

AnneShirleyBlythe · 08/12/2025 16:15

This is one of the worst things I’ve read on here! I am so sorry for your loss @Catcooper25uk. What a horrible man your ex is. 💐

Show quote history

Thank you its been hard im not gonna lie but 1 thing i decided early on when she was diagnosed was i wasn't going to waste any energy on worrying about him being present or even a decent human being because that would have just taken away from the energy I was focusing on my daughter.

SeaUrchinHat · 08/12/2025 17:07

A savings account is a much better gift than piles of ‘stuff’ but he’ll need to be backing up what he’s ’promised’ by sending an annual statement in a Christmas card won’t he?

Iliketulips · 08/12/2025 16:50

Not sure how old your DC are, but at some point they'll ask why they don't receive anything from him - when that happens, tell them to ask him! You obviously feel bad for them now, but long term they won't forget they didn't receive anything from him and it'll be something they tell other people about!!!

You mentioned you'd picked them up after working, does he pick them the other end (ie when they go to his)? If not, tell him, it's 'no longer logistically possible' to do both drop off and pick up!

AnneShirleyBlythe · 08/12/2025 16:15

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 15:06

If you think that's bad wait until u hear what my exh did when we split. His exact words for why he didnt want to see the kids after he left was "its easier for me to think of them as dead" which was really haunting as just this year our daughter who was only 13 passed away this year of a genetic condition and he didnt even come to the funeral that I literally had to sort out myself so nothing surprises me when it comes to these narc men.

This is one of the worst things I’ve read on here! I am so sorry for your loss @Catcooper25uk. What a horrible man your ex is. 💐

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 16:14

Marmight · 08/12/2025 16:08

I'm sorry for your loss. x

There are no words in existence that can adequately describe or explain the behaviour of your ex.

Show quote history

Believe me I stopped trying to understand people like that time ago saves on all the heartache I dont waste my energy on vile ppl like that just make time for those that are there for me.
Thanks for your kind words x

Marmight · 08/12/2025 16:08

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 15:06

If you think that's bad wait until u hear what my exh did when we split. His exact words for why he didnt want to see the kids after he left was "its easier for me to think of them as dead" which was really haunting as just this year our daughter who was only 13 passed away this year of a genetic condition and he didnt even come to the funeral that I literally had to sort out myself so nothing surprises me when it comes to these narc men.

I'm sorry for your loss. x

There are no words in existence that can adequately describe or explain the behaviour of your ex.

ScreamingInfidelities · 08/12/2025 16:05

Arsehole. I hope his next shite is a hedgehog.

mummybear35 · 08/12/2025 16:03

Because he’s an arse! Simple as that. I always wonder why women choose such men to have kids with, I’d like to think the signs were there before the commitment was made..just don’t bother anymore with him. Your kids will see him for the arse he is when they’re older..

TheGirlattheBack · 08/12/2025 15:56

Do you already have a saving’s account for your child? My reply would be “Great, here’s the account details for his savings account so you can transfer the cash there”.

nomas · 08/12/2025 15:50

YANBU. He'll be calling you grabby, the bastard.

BauhausOfEliott · 08/12/2025 15:15

Does he actually see your children? It really sounds to me as if he's phasing them out of his life, which is awful but possibly for the best if he's as much of a shitbag as he sounds.

Happyjoe · 08/12/2025 15:08

BellaBal · 08/12/2025 14:58

He’s a bad person and a worse dad.

Lets hope he gets piles, bunions and a bad case of flu and spends Christmas being really miserable!

Yes!!

Happyjoe · 08/12/2025 15:07

He is a shit, sorry, I hate it when people take broken relationships out on the children. You won't change him, just be the best mum possible and ignore the man.

Catcooper25uk · 08/12/2025 15:06

If you think that's bad wait until u hear what my exh did when we split. His exact words for why he didnt want to see the kids after he left was "its easier for me to think of them as dead" which was really haunting as just this year our daughter who was only 13 passed away this year of a genetic condition and he didnt even come to the funeral that I literally had to sort out myself so nothing surprises me when it comes to these narc men.

BellaBal · 08/12/2025 14:58

He’s a bad person and a worse dad.

Lets hope he gets piles, bunions and a bad case of flu and spends Christmas being really miserable!

Halloweeeeeeeeen · 08/12/2025 14:55

He doesn’t want to. He is a shit dad and despicable person. Stop any contact with him, he enjoys the control. I hope you get CMS from him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2025 14:54

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 08/12/2025 14:50

I suspect the mother of his other children does the Christmas and birthday shopping. He is however being unfair, tell him to send you the money and you will buy something suitable, not ideal solution but you will at least know they are getting something to open on the day

This. If you think he is lovingly buying piles of presents for his other children, you're wrong. Women are doing all the heavy lifting.

He's scum.