To have expected to have spent the whole time together

YABU. A couple of hours over a weekend? You sound a bit needy and demanding.

So it wasn’t exercising at somewhere that closes at 5pm or a thing that can’t be done at all in the dark? Just something he could have done on this “piece of equipment” any time after you left at 5.30pm? Yeah, I’d not be impressed with him tbf.

I think this gives you a helpful insight into how caring/nurturing he naturally is (ie not very!) I imagine that if you’d felt really looked after all weekend (eg “you’re looking tired, let’s skip the shopping”) you would have less of a problem with his absence. I think sometimes men don’t just notice and you have to spell it out that you need care, instead of bravely soldiering on. Next time you could try asking a bit more and see if he is responsive to that. If he isn’t I’d worry that perhaps he’s just a bit selfish.

Yeah that's a bit crap considering how infrequently you see each other. Unless he's training for something or whatever was it really crucial to exercise right then?

He sounds a bit selfish if im honest

He sounds totally selfish. You are ill and made the effort to travel to see him anyway.
He slotted you into his schedule and dragged you about like a handbag all weekend, totally ignorant of your feelings.
Then he prioritised an endorphin rush over your last few hours together, because you weren't well enough to comply with what he wanted, he left you.

I wouldn't make the effort to visit him again after that, and I would dump him to be honest. I can't understand other posters telling you you deserve to be ignored all weekend then the gym prioritised over you, that isn't a good relationship.

I think it's fine that he left for a bit to work out, but being gone for two and a half hours and only returning an hour before you had to leave isn't great. I can see the argument if he was, say, going running and couldn't leave it later because it would be dark, but if it was an indoor activity like in a gym I think he should have waited until you left. Also "busy working" may be a sign of his priorities, depending on his job - if he works 40+ hours every week and he sees you for 48 hours every three weeks, why not carve two and half hours for a workout out of his total work time rather than out of your weekend?

... he asked me to come over to go to the party and said he take care of me the rest of the time. Which was nice as I’d been on my own feeling rotten for a week and a half prior! This puts things in a slightly different light ... like you went along with what he wanted but then during the time that was supposed to be focused on you he also did what he wanted (shopping trip, workout). He says I should want him to exercise and be healthy sounds a little manipulative to me (dodges the issue of your wanting to spend more time with him before you had to leave and possibly his not spending the time the way he'd led you to believe he would and instead reframes your objection in a way that makes you seem unreasonable and is possibly designed to make you doubt your judgement/feel hesitant to express your needs). But only you know if it feels that way in the context of your relationship and the whole conversation. I'd say trust your gut re whether your needs and wants are given equal weight vs his in the relationship, rather than necessarily focusing on this one incident.

Sorry you're having a hard time. In the circumstances I do think he could have made more time for you, personally.

Maybe that’s what you don’t like and this weekend has just brought it all to a head.

If he’d dedicated the rest of the time to you, the couple of hours exercising probably wouldn’t have mattered as much.

Personally if I was in a relationship where I didn’t live with my partner I wouldn’t be travelling several hours just to attend a work do with them - sounds utterly dull and a total waste of an evening.

I can see the need to exercise during day light and evening exercise isn’t for everyone. But it is probably part of a bigger picture with the relationship being on his terms and a bit take it or leave it.

No, that's weird. He could have done the exercise any other time, evening etc.. My relationship started off as LD (2.5 hrs apart) and we had a rule to see each other a minimum of every 3 weeks and we would dedicate the whole 2 days to one another.

Hm he sounds even worse from your update honestly - he's been quite self-absorbed and thoughtless all weekend. But you probably need to prioritise and vocalise your own needs more too. Maybe try being completely direct and blunt about what you want from him next time and see if he can step up.

I definitely regret some of my "polite and accommodating girlfriend" decisions - they don't tend to result in a well-trained partner who knows what you want from him!

It does sound as though everything was on his terms and that you pushed yourself, despite not feeling well, to do the things that he wanted you to do, yet he couldn't make the same effort and spend the last afternoon with you.

You might want to look at whether this is a recurring pattern of behaviour on his part. Are you the one who makes more effort in this relationship with little reciprocal effort and support from him, if so then you might want to reconsider this relationship.

Again I can see both sides, if I was with a serious partner I'd want them to be able to hold their own when socialising with my friends or colleagues. It sounds like you were exhausted by the end of the weekend and needed a rest so if it were me I'd have encouraged him to go out for those couple of hours and taken the opportunity to have a nap in his bed and chill for a bit. But really this comes down to rejection a bit doesn't it? You had different expectations from the weekend and he didn't live up to that and now you feel a bit let down and rejected by him as a result. I can see why you've reacted that way (and I've felt and done the same in a past ldr where I felt insecure in the relationship in general). So I think what you need to consider is if the relationship meets your needs and you need to be able to have an open conversation with him about what each of your expectations are of the weekends when you are together. Is he seeing it as you slotting into his life so you get a genuine flavour for it and because he feels very secure with you so doesn't need to be with you 100% of the time (because that's not what serious relationships look like long term) or is it that he finds the full weekends intense? Do either of you put a bit of unnecessary pressure on those weekends to be extra great quality time?

These are all questions you need to be able to tease out together.

The whole thing is very odd to me but then I can’t stand the idea of being “looked after” and fussed over - I just want to be left alone when I’m sick.

Maybe he thought you’d appreciate a bit of peace and quiet after a busy two days.

I think that's quite crap on his part with those timings, he could have done it after you had left instead of leaving you hanging about like a spare part for that long just before you were due to go home. I'd be annoyed too and would make sure he makes the effort to travel to you next time.

How didn’t he support her?

If you weren’t well you should have stayed at home.

If he can't make the effort to support you during difficult times & health issues, I'd be withdrawing from that arrangement completely.

I can see both sides tbh.

On the one hand, it was only a couple of hours and if you'd been together from Friday night until Sunday at 2:30pm, that's a good chunk of time together.

On the other hand, you haven't seen each other for a while and didn't feel well. He could have pushed his exercise back a couple of hours and done something with you.

In conclusion, I don't think YABU to be a bit let down, but I don't think he's really been unreasonable either.

Had you planned to leave at 5:30?

I would have no issues with him going out for a couple of hours but I would bd a bit miffed if it was just before I went home.

If you had planned to leave at 5:30 and he did something that could be delayed, they yes I would be upset by it.

If you hadn’t planned to leave at 5:30 or it was something that couldn’t be moved until later on, then I’d be less upset by it.

Was the exercise an outdoor one like running or cycling? I assume so as he had to go out for it (unless he was going to a gym or something). One of the frustrations of doing outdoor exercise in the winter is how little daylight you have to do it - it's likely he can't exercise as comfortably after work and a weekend daytime is about the only time left.

Two-and-a-half hours isn't that long either.

If you normally exercise together I'm sensing you might have been unhappy about having to be stuck inside ill while he was able to exercise, which I totally get but at the same time it doesn't mean he has to forgo exercise! Get well soon.