To not take my 3 and 5 year olds to restaurants

Train them.
A quick drink in park cafe.
Build up

DS - only took him out occasionally as he wouldn't sit still. He would always get up and wander about. He wouldn't disturb people but would just walk about looking at what was going on. If we tried to get him to sit down he would start shouting for help 😳 screens or toys would never work. He has since been dx with ADHD. At 15 he sits fine now so I'd say they do learn at some point, even if you don't 'train' them as such.

DD - sat beautifully, we had strangers commenting on how well behaved she was. Made us feel bad for DS as nobody had any anything positive to say about him in that regard!

Mine are 4 and 8 - and it is so much easier than even a year ago. Some of it comes with age - at 4, my youngest is much happier to sit and do stickers or colour. We have some fun games (5 up and OK play are 2 great ones) that engage the whole family and take up no space.

But even then, once we get to pudding, theve done 100 trips to the loo and I'm done with the event!!!!

I do try my hardest to avoid screens - simply because this is time for us to be social as a family. Not to sit and ignore each other. I'm happy for them to flake out in front of the TV after, but for the hour we are out, I expect them to engage with me!

Keep going - little and often. Don't set huge expectations. Take some little toys or games and remember, it will improve!

Also, mine are so much more wound up by each other!! If you want an easy life, take one out :-)

My daughter used to be awful in restaurants. Then I started taking her to a cafe after playgroup once a week. Started off a quick 20 minute trip and it gradually got longer. She’s a lot better in restaurants now. The cafe was easier as not dealing with a full meal just a bit of cake or a cookie and milk, and could just go whenever she started acting up, so I felt a lot less stress in this situation, which made it surprisingly nice after several bad experiences in restaurants. Overall she’s pretty good now going out for meals in restaurants.

I think you have to get their manners pretty good at home first - no leaving the table, no messing about etc.
My sons were always really good in restaurants because they both loved eating.

Quite!

They’re extremely boisterous and don’t really listen to a word we say in any scenario!

what a cop out

This

the Amount of times I see adults sat across from the table at restaurants and cafes glued to their phones!£

What is the objection to kids having screens for half an hour or so at the table? I am sure that other diners would thank you. Just make that their screen time of the day. That way mum and dad get a break and a meal out. I don't see how that differs to taking along colouring stuff or a sticker book to keep them amused.

YANBU and you should only take them when they can behave. I stopped taking DD out when she was around 7 as she kept knocking things off tables and grabbing for everything. I didn't take her again until she could sit and behave herself. I later found out that she has various SEN.

I did use a tablet as she got older, however if we went out for a family evening meal, she would sit and colour in until the main course arrived, and then once we had dessert and all the adults were talking, she was allowed to go on her tablet WITH EARPHONES(!) until we left.

Eating at the table at home is very good advice, if you don't already. If everyone is sat around together, talking, with no gadgets, it is great family time and a great time to model good behaviour, sitting still, using a knife and fork, not leaving until everyone has finished etc.

DD is 17 now and we never eat at the table, we have lap trays, but when she was little we always ate at the table.

They’re extremely boisterous and don’t really listen to a word we say in any scenario!

This is very dangerous and needs to be nipped in the bud quickly.

Have you tried discipline, rewards and complete consistency?

The restaurant really isn't the main problem here.

My daughter is a pretty calm by comparison nearly 7 year old who loves drawing and sitting down type activities and even she can only do 30 mins in a restaurant/pub max without getting bored and asking to leave. (We don't do iPad babysitter either). I honestly think most people didn't take kids to restaurants until this current era (at least in UK) and why bother?!

I was going to give some advice on what we do to make it work but just seen this update. This is your real issue. Especially at 5, that's not ok. You need to tackle behaviour and discipline before anything else.

YANBU - I have a 7yo and a 4yo and we really limit the amount of times we take them to a restaurant with us because it's stressful and fun for no one! I've taken books, stickers, colouring, toys, etc out with us and it only works as a distraction for so long before they want to check out the toilet or leave or - gosh forbid - the restaurant has one of the tat machines where you can get a toy in a ball.

I either go out to meet friends in restaurants without the kids or we pack a picnic and go to places that have a cafe, but it's not the main reason we're visiting, e.g. a National Trust property. The kids have much more patience for a picnic and I don't get stressed by them potentially misbehaving at the table. There will be plenty of time for restaurants when they're older and have more patience for it.

I don’t think you can learn at home unless make a habit of having them sit for 20 minutes before actually giving them any food, then serving them 3 courses with waiting in between and then expecting them to stay 10 more minutes after they’ve finished eating. Everyone sitting down to have cereal together in the mornings is a lovely start to the day but in no way comparable to a restaurant experience and all the waiting that’s required.

You just have to go to restaurants and train them. Have them tear around the playground first and then take them somewhere child friendly with quick service like pizza express or similar. When they can manage that try somewhere more adventurous. Or yes can always wait until they’re older but that wouldn’t be acceptable to me- we want to be able to eat at nice places as a family so it’s a priority for us to make sure that can happen!

Ick, I posted twice 😬

I think you need to eat out more, not less. I’d start off with going for a muddy walk, stopping at a pub for a quick drink and carrying on the walk. Build up their ability slowly so that it’s not disturbing for others. Do they manage to sit still at school?
I eat out very regularly with mine so it’s just always been second nature.

We had a rough time when DS1 was 18m-2.5ish, but he's 3.5 now and can do ok. DS2 is 1 and I feel like he's about to enter the stage of hating it.

Funnily enough, it's family walks for us that are a disaster. I'd take a meal out over trying to get my 3.5yo, 1yo and dog to go on a walk together where we don't all end up pissed off or crying.

Lots of families lack the space for a dining table. Some people don’t think it’s important to have one.

So I wouldn’t say most people.

What?

Don't most people eat all meals at a table?

We had the same experiences. Mortifying. My youngest was 2-3.5 during Covid and then I was pregnant so we missed going to any restaurants during that period almost entirely. My second DC was awful in restaurants from age 2-4 though - he is constantly moving. Kids are not made to sit still quietly at those ages. My two are 7 and 4 now and actually we can have a chilled out meal now but we stick to a quick brunch, pizza express, pubs with a beer garden or play area in the summer. If it’s a longer meal e.g a family special occasion, then we might bring something new and novel like a Lego mini figure or a magazine which they can play with. Colouring, a few toys or building blocks etc help. I think generally starting in places less formal, short periods, and building up their experience is the way to go. But most of time it isn’t much of a fun experience until kids are around 5

For me, it was manageable by a mix of frequent walks from 2-4, coupled with a lot of attention from 3-4.5, and now at nearly 5, he is just about ok to have an "adult" meal, without any need for special effort.

I remember plenty of meals though where I would take him on a long walk after ordering, then again while the other adults finished, then again while waiting for the bill etc. Because even with attention he could only sit there for so long.

Then when he got a bit older it was that he could sit there, but only if you were giving him your attention/talking to him, or giving him something to do.

And now, its just about ok for normal meals.

I kind of miss those years of getting up and going for long walks.

It is definitely normal for young children to struggle to sit still in restaurants un-aided.

Those were the days when 9-5 was a thing and you could all eat together.
My husband gets up at 7 has breakfast and leaves the house by 7:30 and the children get up at 8 to get ready for school.
He then gets home between 6-7 when the children have eaten and having a bath, sometimes he doesn’t get home until after 7 when they are in bed.
Families should be able to eat breakfast and dinner together but that’s just not how it is anymore, they’re lucky if they get a goodnight.
When I go back to work I won’t eat with them either as they’ll be in wraparound care.