To not take my 3 and 5 year olds to restaurants

I dont laugh much becsue I have severe post psychotic depression but the image of your kid dancing had me in stitches

I avoid restaurants with my 7 year old as he's a pain.

My Gs has been to restaurants etc since he was born . He had a screen to watch and obviously was very happy to sit while his parents and him had a meal . Since being around 5 he's not needed a screen and now happily joins in with the conversation. He's a very active child normally , I don't think there is anything wrong with using a screen for short periods like this . I wish my children had access to a screen because we didn't really have a social life which could have included them until they were much older .

Do you eat meals at a table at home?

Id practice at doing that first and getting the behaviour you want.

Then maybe a cafe for milkshake/cake or McDonald's and gradually build up.

Does your eldest eat ok in school?

Do you engage them in conversation or are you trying to keep them occupied so you can chat over them?

I didn’t take my youngest to a supermarket for about a year when she was around 2-3, just decided it wasn’t worth it.
If their behaviour is reasonable otherwise just leave the restaurants for a while, then start small like an informal cafe for a drink or McDonald’s first, then try a family friendly pub

I wish there were more parents like OP !

Yes, it's not fun taking small children out to eat, total waste of money, I always think. They don't enjoy sitting down still. I don't think a 3 year old could reasonably be expected to sit for longer than it takes to eat a Maccy D.

I remember my mum sending my brother out to sit in the car while we finished dinner in a restaurant ( a rare treat in those days) because his behaviour was so bad, and he wasn't allowed to come out for dinner for the next few years. He was delighted, it wasn't a treat to him.
Save yourself the money and the bother, and feed them at home.

Exactly what we did!
McDonalds - with the promise of Pizza Hut.
Pizza Hut - with the promise of Frankie and Bennies.
Then F&B with the promise of the nice Chinese.

We had better luck in "better" restaurants by going early, 5.00 ISH, before it got too busy. It was the echoey and noisy environment that got him worked up.

By the time he got to about 10 we could pretty much take him anywhere as long as we factored in how busy and noisy it was going to be, and we did allow small screen with the sound off at this point.

I would start re-itterating the rules at home about how to behave at the table.

You are correct to not take them out if they can't behave. Children shouldn't need a tablet to sit at a table.

My twins are nearly 9 but we eat out a lot. I just go with distraction techniques by looking a other peoples food or pictures on the wall, or sketching people around us, i spy games. Mine like getting pudding so are quite good eating out as i dont do pudding at home.

@Bitzee. Exactly, I sat my dc at the table with colouring and puzzles each night whilst I finished dinner off, partly for safety, I wanted them where I could see them but it definitely builds patience. Ok a home meal is quicker but we often take 45 minutes for dinner and pudding. When you have small children, you don’t push your luck and order 3 courses in restaurants!

@fableless. Mine are mid 20’s and ate out a lot, armed with crayons, puzzles and you talk to your children rather than each other

While I very much appreciate you not bringing your children to restaurants and not using tablets, the bigger issue is - and I use this old-fashioned but accurate word purposefully - their disobedience. It’s not funny and could actually be dangerous, and won’t be any fun for their classmates or teachers.

Until that’s nailed they won’t be going anywhere.

And what happens when they don't listen?

How do you eat at home? Do you sit together and eat at the table with proper manners etc? The best way to get kids eating properly is to do it every day. Mine ate fine at the table but from the day they were able to go into a high chair they sat through every dinner time, with finger food then own portion as developmentally appropriate. No phones or tablets, hadn’t been invented and tv off. It takes time to develop good table manners but they will get there

Our eldest is 32 and we took him to plenty of restaurants and without the use of screens .

I heartily agree

Our dc are grown up now but were always pretty good in restaurants. We always made sure they were family friendly and fairly noisy places and we would make sure they had something to eat very quickly even if it was just bread. We always ate at the table at home as a family at about 6.30 even when they were tiny so I guess that helped. Having said that tablets at the table seems like a practical way to keep them happy quiet.

I think you’re probably right. I’d consider mine restaurant trained but honestly a week without eating out once would be a very rare occurrence for us. Busy week in the run up to Christmas and have family visiting but this week mine will do- pizza express early supper, an afternoon tea, a swanky dinner and a Sunday lunch. So they know what to expect, even the 4YO. When they were younger we did a lot of pizzerias and brunch because that’s always quick then started getting more ambitious in the last year. And whilst I think training is necessary if you want to eat out somewhere nice with a 4YO you’re totally right that older kids/teens will naturally develop conversation skills and the ability to sit and wait.

DD was fine to take out from very young, but DS was a nightmare. He was very fussy with food so unless we couldn’t help it (holiday or day trip) we didn’t go for ‘pleasure’.

There wasn’t the screen option then, it was pre-smartphones so we took stickers, comics, colouring books and sometimes the restaurant had children’s packs (like pizza express) which worked ok. It was never a relaxing time though. On holiday was easier as usually more set up at a resort so they had space to run about w other children.

I would knock the meal out option in the head and eat before you go out. Eating out is so pricey now and often you can make better at home.

YANBU at all. And very considerate.

I am from an older generation: We made conversation at meals fun, table manners were enforced firmly at all times. We didn't have problems eating out. GSs were a nightmare, fighting under tables, winding each other up, shouting etc. We didn't take them again until they were older. In the EU the children sit, laugh and talk nicely with the adults, no running around or misbehaving.

For those posters who are saying to train the kids to behave in restaurants by starting small and low-pressure etc., I'd be interested to know how long this has taken if you've done it, i.e. how old the kids were when you started being able to reliably take them to 'nicer' places? I sort of do believe it works, and especially if you need to be able to take your kids to restaurants...but I also suspect that (a) you'd need to be doing it very frequently for small children to improve, and (b) a lot of the skills involved are transferable ones that kids eventually learn in other ways anyway or grow into, e.g. sitting patiently for longer periods, being considerate to other people, talking quietly etc.

My eldest children are 50 and 48, and I have been taking them to restaurants since they were toddlers. They always behaved well.

Try taking them to small local cafes, or eating in somewhere like KFC. Both parents go, and both work on checking their behaviour. Once they can behave there, you can try a proper restaurant. Do you eat at the table at home, or do they just wander and graze? Starting by setting a standard of expected behaviour at home seems to make sense.

When my DDs behave badly in restaurants we've avoided them for a bit then gone back after a break (and they've grown up a bit). You could also try taking them with one parent individually as a quality time treat.