To tell them not to bother coming for Xmas?

Christmas is a time for a happy family time..i would normally say please try incude your mum as you only have 1 but nah yours is horrible and you have a loving family and your siblings other than this brother so why stress with this brother and your Mum on this holiday..nah girl uninvited and go enjoy your time with people who will make you happy 🎄🎄🎅🎅

You handled that very well OP. I hope you have a lovely relaxed christmas day with your family and your in laws.

Yep just uninvite them

Good on you, seriously. Good on you xx

Fine, they can go and sit in someone else’s house then. Someone who doesn’t mind a cf!

I really appreciate this quote. I stopped contact with my dad a year ago after he seemed unable to stop mocking me (and especially my weight) in front of my kids. I've wondered if I overreacted but this reinforces my decision.

You sound to have the food sorted for all vegans or not -and clearly you are making a huge effort to make it a good day for all.

Sadly, you just can't make everyone happy in this case.

In the end there was a clear choice - either your daughter or your mother.

Your daughter is yours to protect and she was not the one creating trouble - so you were absolutely right to choose her.

Ignore any attempt from mother/brother to 'get in' to your Christmas. Lock the gates - play the music - turn off the phones.

If they do threaten to spoil your day in any way (even just by appearing in your thoughts), just remember, you chose your daughter and look at how happy she is.

We are all entitled to voice our opinions
If you believe this then you should also realise that your victim has the right to tell you that your opinion is irrelevant. I never understand why when verbally attacked about their lifestyle or choices people engage their attacker in a discussion, even an attempt to justify, it's much easier to tell them it's none of their business then to ignore all their subsequent comments, it drives them mad that they can't provoke an argument.

In some families, where for years and years people have got away with jaw dropping disrespect. Until finally the children reach an age when they stand for it no longer. As in this one

I really hope you texted..

'Sure, we can make sure you're not sat next to me or DD... or DH.. or anyone else for that matter - you're uninvited, so won't have to even be in the same postcode as us. Do not turn up at our house, you won't be coming in'.

Your daughter sounds like she handled it brilliantly – she behaved with far more maturity than her grandmother, that's for sure 👑.

Berating your own granddaughter, accusing her of having a superiority complex, demanding not to have to sit near and and STILL expecting to be invited to Christmas lunch? Pathetic.

Definitely don't let those two come and spoil your Christmas.

I'm beginning to think Christmas is like weddings and funerals. It brings family feuds and petty spite to the fore.

I tend to find vegans really exasperating (possibly because I knew one who was full-on beee kiiiind while being a complete bitch to her DC and her ex).

But I'm on your side in this. Your mother and brother are being childish and pathetic and behaving in a completely unnecessary fashion. They're the ones driving the wedge into the relationship, not you.

So your brother still wants to come to your house, to eat a meal you've cooked, but has specified he doesn't want to be seated by you or your daughter.

Stuff that. Tell them where to go.

Are they a bit thick? Sorry, just tell them you’re doing nut roast only this year and they may wish to make other plans

You mum and brother need to learn about kindness and respect. We are all entitled to voice our opinions but this should always be done respectfully. Christmas is a time of joy and making happy memories with those we love and care about. I would suggest your mother and brother spend Christmas day together but not at your house.

Good for you, op! You’ve done the right thing.

Excellent stuff OP. On some occasions, the Benthamite principle of the greatest happiness of the greatest number has to come first and feast days and festivals are among them. On the one hand, there's you, your DH, your DC, your in-laws and hopefully your other siblings with any partners and DC. On the other hand, your DM and DB, with nothing to bring to the table but spite and rancour. If they can't see that their behaviour crosses every line of good manners and decency, they should absolutely be elsewhere. Just make sure you have those electric gates of yours locked as soon as all of your invited guests are on your side of them, because boundary stompers like your DM and DB don't take kindly to being told to shove off.

Even if you did go on and on about being vegan, that does not give them the right to be rude and disrespectful towards you and your family. All they’d have to do is steer the conversation towards other subjects and if that didn’t work they could vote with their feet.
The animal noises are particularly cruel and I think I’d be inclined to do a Mumsnet favourite response “ did you mean to be so rude?”

Their behaviour is childish and totally unacceptable. Uninvite them without regret.

Anyone who says they won’t sit next to YOU in YOUR house is nuts. Have a lovely Christmas without them.

Yup, that sort of behaviour is quite common especially from acquaintances ime. Many vegans don’t mention they are vegan unless it relates to going out to eat, or say in relation to Christmas presents (to avoid being given something unsuitable), so its almost only when we have to. But so many, men especially get on their high horse in a combative and rude manner. They also fail to recognise that a burger is circle shaped, not an animal part, as are many things including coins, wagon wheels, and vegan/veggie burger (its not exclusive to a reconstituted animal product) and that they also eat plenty of vegan food on a daily basis.

Uninvite they are arseholes

Only very small minded people attack others for their views/dietary choices because they feel threatened. They sound awful, uninvite them and I expect you will have a much happier Christmas meal.
I experienced a 'friend' verbally attacking me for being a vegan but I didn't give them a chance to to it a second time!

Just ensure your dd and other dc block numbers if their delightful grandma/uncle have them on there. I massively admire what you've done, OP, wish I had the guts to do similar! I wonder if your db will eventually wake up and smell the coffee?

I echo pp, expect flying monkeys/attempted visits/health crisis.