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Original poster

To tell them not to bother coming for Xmas?

533 replies

WantToHibernate · 08/12/2025 07:54

We are doing Xmas dinner this year for my husbands family and my mum and brother. We have a mix of vegans, vegetarians and meat eaters so dinner menu will reflect this.

I’ve been vegan for 20 years and my daughter who is 17 has become vegan this year. My husband and other child eat meat.

My mother and brother have always disapproved of me being vegan. Over the years they’ve told me I’m wrong and will be ill. They also do stupid things like make animal noises when they eat meat which I just roll my eyes at. Now they’ve found out, whilst discussing Xmas dinner menus at our house this weekend, that my daughter has become vegan and they’ve responded as expected, telling her she’ll be ill, that she shouldn’t listen to me ‘brainwashing and bullying’ her, quizzing her on why she has become vegan, telling her she’s mad and no better than them. My daughter remained calm, said it was her decision, that I obviously haven’t bullied or brainwashed her, that she doesn’t think she’s any better than anyone else, she just wants to be vegan. When they continued were quiz her on why she has become a vegan, they called her a ‘typical preachy vegan’. She wasn’t preaching, she just answered their questions.

Things got heated as my mother started shouting. I told her that she doesn’t get to shout at my daughter in our house about this, and that if they both don’t stop the comments they can leave and not bother coming for Xmas. My brother said our mum can say what she likes and that I owed my mum an apology for saying that. My daughter left the room. My son told my mum and brother that they were out of line and went to check on my daughter. My mum and brother left.

My brother text later on to say that when they come on Xmas day they don’t want to be seated by me or my daughter. I’ve not responded as I wanted to cool down before I did, but my husband has said to just uninvited them because they’re arseholes and he’s not risking them upsetting our daughter on Xmas day. My daughter says she isn’t bothered and thinks they’re idiots.

If I uninvite them, I think that will probably be the end of my relationships with them but I think that is possibly for the best. There have been lots of problems with them over the years and I think we may be happier without them. They have had issues with other aspects of our life, choices we’ve made, my husbands family (who are all lovely) who they see as ‘snobby’, so the vegan issue is just another thing. They are ok is small doses. My other siblings have low or no contact with them and although I invited them to dinner too, they won’t come because our mother and brother are coming.

OP posts:
CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 08/12/2025 11:39

I’d not only drop them I’d tell them it’s because they behave like children and you can’t be arsed with the hassle of having to force yourself to tolerate it in order to not ruin Christmas.

Allthings · 08/12/2025 11:36

KingJanie · 08/12/2025 08:06

You don't have to uninvite them first tell them how upset you were by the way they spoke to your DD and at how they persistently attack you for being a vegan.
Tell them if they are coming for Christmas you expect them to keep their opinions on veganism to themselves and be polite to the other guests. If they can't do that they shouldn't come.

Make them responsible for their own behaviour and choices.

Given the history it’s most unlikely that they think they are doing anything wrong, or modify their behaviour. Far more sensible to very clear and without any avoidance of doubt, tell them that they are no longer welcome and need to make their own arrangements.

ChaToilLeam · 08/12/2025 11:33

You've done the right thing. Have a lovely Christmas without this toxic pair.

incognitomummy · 08/12/2025 11:33

Uninvite them. Absolutely. Your husband is right.

protect yourself and your DD
what twats. Who do they think they are?!
I mean. Just wow.

Original poster
WantToHibernate · 08/12/2025 11:33

ChristieMcVie · 08/12/2025 11:06

@WantToHibernate Any chance tthey will just turn up on Xmas Day anyway?

I really don’t know. If she gets drunk, it’s a possibility.

Thankfully our house is behind electric gates (something we’ve been called snobby for by them 🙄) so they couldn’t get in easily if they did turn up.

I really hope they don’t turn up as my husbands parents will be here and his mum would be very upset if they caused a scene. His parents are like the ‘perfect parents’ that everyone would want, so my mum has been very difficult for them to get their head around. When I first had to explain the situation to them years ago, I could see the horror/pity/sadness in their eyes and they probably wondered what their son had got himself involved with. 😂 I know his parents were apprehensive about my mum being here for Xmas, so now that they’re not invited, they’ll have a much better day as long as she and my brother don’t turn up.

OP posts:
LatteLady · 08/12/2025 11:32

I agree, you do not need the negativity at Christmas... your house, they were guests and behaved rudely.

On the more positive side, I would love to know what you are having for Christmas lunch... I struggle to make it feel special enough (I feel) for vegetarian and especially vegan friends.

MischkasMum · 08/12/2025 11:32

I'd tell them they're definitely not welcome. ANYTIME. Anyone treating a child of mine like that would've been straight out on their arses anyway. The fact that the rest of your siblings appear to body-swerve them says everything. They're obviously a pair of toxic twonks.

Nah, you want to enjoy Christmas so 'ding the dickheads'. Nobody wants - or needs - attitudes like theirs at any time of the year but especially NOT at Christmas.

VeganStar · 08/12/2025 11:32

No way would they be invited to my house at any time after having a go at my dd. Both me and my dd are vegan. My dd followed my example without any convincing from me. She has her own mind and would go in the opposite direction if pushed a certain way and I’m sure your dd is the same.
neither of us are “preachy” vegans but love answering questions.

Your dd sounds lovely and it would be a shame to expose her once again to the taunting of those extremely rude people. Family or not.
Have a really great time with everyone else who wouldn’t come otherwise.

OVienna · 08/12/2025 11:31

Re "preachy vegan" - I have a parent that does something similar: she asks a question, I answer calmly, but she then she claims I was 'screaming and shouting' at her, essentially fully re-writing the narrative. Can't get away with it anymore as I now have witnesses who will corroborate my account (young adult DDs.)

JoyfulOwl · 08/12/2025 11:26

uninvite them, they are so out of order, don't let them ruin Christmas

Francestein · 08/12/2025 11:24

I had similar treatment from both of my parents. I think you are wise to protect yourself and your kids from her. I’m also pettily fantasizing about her opening gift-wrapped tofu under the tree. (But NC is much more sensible approach.)

Dearg · 08/12/2025 11:23

Well done Op. Absolutely no reason why you or your daughter need to put up with that kind of shit.

I hope the scales drop from your younger brother’s eyes before too long, but he’s an adult so needs t9 own his choices.

InMyOodie · 08/12/2025 11:23

My brother text later on to say that when they come on Xmas day they don’t want to be seated by me or my daughter.

The rudeness of that alone would make me uninvite them.

Nevernonono · 08/12/2025 11:20

You’re 100% right to uninvite! Stick to your guns!

PGmicstand · 08/12/2025 11:18

If they don't want to sit near you or your child that's easy. They can sit in their own house and eat their own dinner.
Life's too short to keep trying to appease arseholes.

Homegrownberries · 08/12/2025 11:18

When they come on Xmas day they don’t want to be seated by you or your daughter but they want to eat the food you cooked and enjoy your hospitality? That's not acceptable.

Sassylovesbooks · 08/12/2025 11:15

The fact your Mum felt entitled enough to berate your daughter in her own home, would be enough for me to uninvite your Mum and brother. Your children should feel safe in their home, and not worried that they're going to be verbally attacked. I know your daughter said that she wasn't bothered and they're idiots, but even so, it wasn't a very nice experience for her. Your daughter is 17, and old enough to know her own mind, and if she wishes to be vegan, that's her choice. Unfortunately, some people don't respect others choices or points of view. They don't have to like or agree with your and your daughter's choices, but they should respect it. They can't and seem unwilling to see any other view point than their own. I would text your brother back and say that neither him or your Mum are welcome for lunch on Christmas Day, because they can't respect you and your family in your own home. I'd then block.

Original poster
WantToHibernate · 08/12/2025 11:15

FollowSpot · 08/12/2025 10:37

Well done OP.

It’s very good that your other brother is supporting you and will ‘mop up’ your youngest brother.

You may well get a barrage of abuse / wheedling / victim blaming / ‘just teasing… vegans have no SOH’ messages now. Grey rock, do not engage.

I’m fully expecting all of this as we’ve had it all before over other things.

OP posts:
Itiswhysofew · 08/12/2025 11:15

They both sound unhinged. You would not be unreasonable to tell them not to come on Christmas day.

Hopefully, your brother will start to realise that his life would be less complicated without so much loyalty towards her, and that your door will be open, (?), to him when he does.

PsychoHotSauce · 08/12/2025 11:14

My brother text later on to say that when they come on Xmas day they don’t want to be seated by me or my daughter.

I actually laughed out loud at this. The audacity!!

RampantIvy · 08/12/2025 11:13

I wish posters would read the OP's updates.

We are entering into cancel the cheque territory now.

Glennponder · 08/12/2025 11:11

Put your dc first
They sound vile

Dollymylove · 08/12/2025 11:09

Your home, your diet, your choice.
Uninvite them and go NC.
THey sound horrible

usedtobeaylis · 08/12/2025 11:08

Hilarious that at a time of year when all anyone talks about is food and turkeys, that a few posters have implied that maybe it's you talking a lot about being vegan 😅

KittyFinlay · 08/12/2025 11:08

Even ignoring the fact they bullied your daughter out of her own living room...they want to come to dinner but not sit with you or your daughter? Like the Mean Girls school cafeteria except in YOUR OWN HOUSE? That's another level of CFs.

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