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AIBU?

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Original poster

If she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me. AIBU?

117 replies

hinchleye · 07/12/2025 19:06

I attended my dp's work christmas party. He has a colleague who he's worked with for a few years and has admitted that he finds her attractive. To be fair to him, this only came up during banter/ a game with friends. She is single and very attractive. Clearly has the hots for DP.

When at the Christmas party, people got very drunk. I don't drink. DP's work colleague didn't realise I could hear what she was saying, but she told DP that "if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".

I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 08/12/2025 15:39

How thoughtful of him to explain their private joke. So nice for you to be included in the prelude to their affair. His blood has drained so far from his brain he actually thinks it was ok to tell you that. Fuck wit.

gamerchick · 08/12/2025 15:38

Depends on what he said back to her I think.

If he let it go, I wouldn't be, but I wouldn't have let it slide as soon as the words left her mouth I don't think.

CryptoFascist · 08/12/2025 15:38

So he's your DP - but would go as far as marrying her? But doesn't want to marry you? Hasn't proposed? Into the bin with him.

YourZippyHare · 08/12/2025 15:36

The problem is his reaction. He should have closed her down, not told you he would have been married to her if circumstances were different! Honestly vile. You deserve better.

Itiswhysofew · 08/12/2025 15:35

Why are people who are supposedly committed to one another, speaking with others in this way?

He & she can disappear off to that place they'd both like to be.

Itiswhysofew · 08/12/2025 15:33

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:50

Imo the one who fucks up a relationship should be the one to move out surely?

You'd think so.

Nevernonono · 08/12/2025 15:30

Nevernonono · 08/12/2025 15:29

I would bite that as them both taking the piss out of me, my DH would’ve been in very serious trouble’

*I would view this

Nevernonono · 08/12/2025 15:29

I would bite that as them both taking the piss out of me, my DH would’ve been in very serious trouble’

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 08/12/2025 15:23

Sorry OP but you are wasting your time now. You have to dump him.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 08/12/2025 15:18

I threw my exh out via text for being a lying twat. Both names on the tenancy.. He knew his place. Back to his dm's where he was previously..

Livpool · 07/12/2025 21:55

He sounds worse that her as he is in a relationship- tosser

WasthatwrongIfeelmeannow · 07/12/2025 21:44

ohyesido · 07/12/2025 21:26

You sound like Dwight Shrute

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How so? It’s a ridiculous suggestion to chuck him and his belongings out.

NachoChip · 07/12/2025 21:26

At any point in our lives, we can meet someone we might be with in another life. It could be that he's met someone in this category but he would still choose you.

The point now is what happens next. He has crossed a line having this conversation with her because it's set a connection between them, and it's disrespectful to you. But they were drunk, he told you about it, perhaps that can be put down to him being over excited and it's a mistake.

I would ask him what he thinks he should do about the situation next, now that they've both admitted they're attracted to each other. The correct answer is for him to hold her at arm's length, be polite and professional but avoid any social or unnecessary chat, absolutely nothing out of office hours or online. Potentially even set boundaries directly with her if she's likely to push it. If he answers "oh nothing, we're friends, it's just banter etc" and dismisses it, that's where there's a potential problem. That connection they have now could only strengthen more, each extra step becomes normalised and then it's a small step over the last boundary into an affair. That could be an emotional affair, not just physical.

You know him best OP, I think there's a chink of light you could be ok but his next move will say it all.

ohyesido · 07/12/2025 21:26

WasthatwrongIfeelmeannow · 07/12/2025 19:09

Not a sensible reaction. How does that work in real life when she likely has no more right to the place they live in than he does?

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You sound like Dwight Shrute

MadamDicey · 07/12/2025 20:31

I would have called her out right there ! I'm sorry, but you are being disrespected and made to look a fool , because I can almost guarantee others will have noticed , and if you heard others likely did too .

PurpleFlower1983 · 07/12/2025 20:20

Let her have him OP, it’s coming.

RandomNewIdentity · 07/12/2025 20:11

Tell him you wish to agree future division of assets now. It's called a post nup.
And tell him that if you ever have any reasonvto suspect him in future he's out on his ear.

WasthatwrongIfeelmeannow · 07/12/2025 20:01

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:50

Imo the one who fucks up a relationship should be the one to move out surely?

and back in the real world that has no legal basis

Dollymylove · 07/12/2025 19:52

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:08

I'm very black and white.
I would have dropped his stuff in her garden by now.

I would too, and not in bags 🤣

TwistedWonder · 07/12/2025 19:52

It’s an affair waiting to happen. He’s telling you that he would love to fuck her if only you weren’t in the way.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:50

Imo the one who fucks up a relationship should be the one to move out surely?

WasthatwrongIfeelmeannow · 07/12/2025 19:46

HappyNewTaxYear · 07/12/2025 19:33

Do you understand hyperbole?

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Of course. Pretty pointless as a response here though

2021x · 07/12/2025 19:45

Your next actions depend on what your circumstances are. It isn't unusual for someone with a close relationship to develop attraction most married couples I know have had to deal with a situation like this. My friend developed the most intense crush on her builder.

Personally, I would be letting him know that his behaviour has crossed the line and that if there is any chance that he would be involved with her further the door would be closed and firmly locked shut. I would also let him know that his behavoiur in public is embarassing to you and he should apologise.

What he does after that is up to him.

Oh and as always get your ducks in a row.

5128gap · 07/12/2025 19:43

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:08

I'm very black and white.
I would have dropped his stuff in her garden by now.

Yeah, me too. My life is way too precious to waste months maybe even years losing my relationship bit by bit.
OP, he has the hots for her and she's actively encouraging him. It's really only a matter of time now. Because men are perfectly capable of being very clear to other women that they are not interested and that the woman has no chance with them. When they don't bother to do that, they are keeping their options open.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/12/2025 19:42

Christ, he's an arsehole! What a shit attitude.
I've got the ick from here.
If you're financially entwined, get your ducks in a row. If not, tell him to do one. 💐