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AIBU?

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If she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me. AIBU?

117 replies

hinchleye · 07/12/2025 19:06

I attended my dp's work christmas party. He has a colleague who he's worked with for a few years and has admitted that he finds her attractive. To be fair to him, this only came up during banter/ a game with friends. She is single and very attractive. Clearly has the hots for DP.

When at the Christmas party, people got very drunk. I don't drink. DP's work colleague didn't realise I could hear what she was saying, but she told DP that "if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".

I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

OP posts:
ZeldaFighter · 08/12/2025 19:30

We're always laughing about how Jim would be better off married to Sue as they're both neat freaks, etc etc

I wouldn't be too bothered

Gertle · 08/12/2025 19:16

They both openly fancy each other and have made it clear they'd do something about it if he weren't with you

Imagine they're alone on a night out, drunk, and she leans in to kiss him. What do you genuinely think would happen? The likelihood is he would cheat, right? But EVEN if not, I am pretty sure it would go down something like this:

He says no but there's a whole lot of sexual tension and lip biting and "oh we can't... it'd be really bad... I really wish we could". They talk about the things they'd do to each other if it wasn't so wrong. They spend the night making "fuck me" eyes at each other, and go home and think about each other while they masturbate.

On Monday morning, they do this whole faux-awkward giddy apology to each other, confirming that although it would indeed be the best sex ever, they mustn't ever let it happen, and they were right not to give into temptation. They both applaud themselves for such self-control and he genuinely believes he deserves a medal and you're very lucky to have him.

This happens every single time they go on a night out. They find more and more reasons to be alone, drunk together, while things keep "nearly" happening. At work, she makes tantalising comments to him on purpose that she insists are innocent and blames his dirty mind. They're flirting constantly to the point all of their colleagues are aware of it.

They get closer and any time he has an argument with you, he thinks about the idealised fantasy with her, because they only know the good parts of each other. It's likely he'll start confiding in her.

By the time they do actually cross a physical line, they're both completely convinced that they really tried their best to stop it, but they fell in love and never meant it to happen and never meant you to get hurt.

I've seen it play out so many times.

It's a no from me.

I think "it's normal to find people attractive" gets stretched a bit too far. Normal is walking down the street and having a fleeting thought that someone is attractive. Normal is thinking that a colleague at work is good-looking, even though you hardly know them and never think of them other than when you need to ask them why their spreadsheet makes no sense.

I really think these situations, where two people have a close, intimate friendship and clearly fancy each other is not normal or acceptable. If you fancy someone to the point you think about them when they're not around, you feel giddy around them, want to find a reason to talk about them all the time, like a teenager? It's not okay in a relationship and needs shutting down right away.

I would genuinely expect someone to move jobs/move teams and block this person if they'd gotten themselves in this far. If not possible, I'd expect some iron boundaries and absolutely zero interaction outside of professional requirements.

staceyflack · 08/12/2025 18:30

Wow, what a complete arsehole, and utter bitch. I imagine he'll be nonchalant and attempt to gaslight you into thinking you're unreasonable - jealous / possessive. Don't buy it! This is 💯 them being fkg awful people. Kick him to the kerb and find someone who respects you and deserves you. These two horrors deserve eachother 🤮

AmberRose86 · 08/12/2025 18:24

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:07

Exactly! He's saying, I'd rather be married to her but unfortunately I met you 1st so I'm saddled with you but longing to be with her and I don't even respect you enough to hide it.

This this this. Thank god someone said it.

AmberRose86 · 08/12/2025 18:23

What the fuck is this shit? What are you actually still doing there?!

The1990club · 08/12/2025 18:22

Although to some it appears harmless drunken banter but I am really open minded and not the jealous type but this kind of thing really really crosses the line. I couldn't get past this. I think I would have turned around and said, dont let me stop you. Honestly everybody deserves better than this! Let him have her and you go live your best life with your self respect!

Dancingintherain09 · 08/12/2025 18:21

That crosses so many boundariea. Its not just a joke its fully disrespectful and hes allowing her to disrespect you as his wife. Therefore he is disrespecting you too.
If that were my husband my respnse would be, " well shows how much respect you have for me, to allow some desperate women to disrespect me and our marriage." Just because she's lonely and obviusly desperate wnough to chase someone elses husband for some cheap attention.

Findingithardnow · 08/12/2025 18:13

DP should have said back that she's not to worry too much, you won't be making any wrong moves and put her in her place.

FOJN · 08/12/2025 17:19

Drunk or not no one says things like that to a colleague unless they have received some encouragement and he's as good as admitted he gave her that encouragement. He doesn't respect you or your relationship so if he doesn't cheat with her he will with someone else. Let him go to his other "universe" and save yourself the worry about what he's doing at work.

ginasevern · 08/12/2025 17:19

One way ticket to the other universe for him then.

krustykittens · 08/12/2025 17:12

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:07

Exactly! He's saying, I'd rather be married to her but unfortunately I met you 1st so I'm saddled with you but longing to be with her and I don't even respect you enough to hide it.

Yep. All of this. Fuck me, OP, you are a better woman than me. I am going nuclear here on your behalf, there is no way I would have contained myself at the work do when the two of them were coming out with this shit. Get him gone.

TheatricalLife · 08/12/2025 17:12

🤮
Grim. I'd let her have him if they are that desperate to be together. I'm sure he's not quite as perfect as she imagines him to be when the shine is off the excitement of a potential affair. Bet he's getting a right kick out of being wanted by two women. Don't be one of those two women.

TheatricalLife · 08/12/2025 17:11

🤮
Grim. I'd let her have him if they are that desperate to be together. I'm sure he's not quite as perfect as she imagines him to be when the shine is off the excitement of a potential affair. Bet he's getting a right kick out of being wanted by two women. Don't be one of those two women.

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:07

AdjustingVideoFrameRate · 07/12/2025 19:29

It’s not so much the woman’s silly drunken comment as your DP’s response that would get me: “in another universe we would be married”. Horrible - it sounds as if he’s saying ‘you weren’t in the way I’d be married to that woman’.

Exactly! He's saying, I'd rather be married to her but unfortunately I met you 1st so I'm saddled with you but longing to be with her and I don't even respect you enough to hide it.

Hippobot · 08/12/2025 17:03

I'm aghast! Fuck the pair of them. I would divorce him on the spot.

bizkittt · 08/12/2025 17:02

He wants to dip his wick in the company ink

BauhausOfEliott · 08/12/2025 16:59

WasthatwrongIfeelmeannow · 07/12/2025 21:44

How so? It’s a ridiculous suggestion to chuck him and his belongings out.

Do you take everything literally, or just this?

FairKoala · 08/12/2025 16:58

I would be asking for a post nup with a proviso that if he cheats then he walks away with very little

TheMorgenmuffel · 08/12/2025 16:58

I think that is hugely disrespectful.

FuzzyWolf · 08/12/2025 16:56

It’s not unusual to find someone else attractive despite being happily in a long term relationship. However, most people don’t do anything about it, don’t encourage it and certainly don’t hold it over their partner to attempt to make them play the Pick Me dance.

He’s lining things up for an affair but is probably too stupid to realise that a large part of her attraction for him is because he is in a committed relationship and she needs the ego boost.

I’d be getting things sorted and ending this relationship.

briq · 08/12/2025 16:54

I agree with PP who say it's time for a serious discussion. This isn't okay. It's not acceptable to even joke about. Either he commits to you and your life together (and that means real changes, not just him saying he'll stop 'joking'), or he leaves, but what won't happen is ignoring it and allowing things to just meander along in the hopes of nothing progressing between them. And meanwhile I'd be taking a closer look at our relationship and deciding what I want from life and whether or not he's still the man I wanted to spend my life with, because this kind of thing has the power to destroy your respect and love for a person—and he's not the only one who could have followed a different path and ended up with someone else.

dobbylan · 08/12/2025 16:53

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:08

I'm very black and white.
I would have dropped his stuff in her garden by now.

Yeah, sensible because someone else said something to your partner and not them saying it.

I read some commence and I wonder if this is AI or a real person

CoachNot · 08/12/2025 16:44

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/12/2025 16:18

"I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married."
Joking? Did anybody laugh? No?

I'd be sitting him down for The Talk. Pointing out that they're not in another Universe, they're in this one. Pointing out that her behaviour is one thing, but his behaviour is quite another because it impacts on you. That their working relationship seems to be such that she feels there is no social danger in making such a comment to him and why would that be? Has he been receptive to her sober comments?

I'd be expecting him to take this incident seriously, and put his relationship with this colleague onto a purely professional basis. And yes, that would include telling her that her comment at the party crossed a line and that she should back off. Any reluctance on his part and I'd be reassessing whether my marriage is as strong as I had once thought.

This exactly.
It's not 'banta'

2catsandhappy · 08/12/2025 16:39

Whoah @hinchleye she has laid her stall out and has her eye set on your dp.

He has had boundery crossing, intimate, excluding, exploratory conversations with her.

It goes, thoughts, words, actions. He has done the first two.

I would be furious and give him the gift of freedom.

DBD1975 · 08/12/2025 16:39

Get a pile of his scuzzy underpants and post them to her.
Seriously OP, the lack of respect for you is totally unacceptable. I am a very calm and placid person but you need to take her down, in fact you need to take the pair of them down and the sooner the better.

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