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AIBU?

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If she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me. AIBU?

117 replies

hinchleye · 07/12/2025 19:06

I attended my dp's work christmas party. He has a colleague who he's worked with for a few years and has admitted that he finds her attractive. To be fair to him, this only came up during banter/ a game with friends. She is single and very attractive. Clearly has the hots for DP.

When at the Christmas party, people got very drunk. I don't drink. DP's work colleague didn't realise I could hear what she was saying, but she told DP that "if she makes even one wrong move, you know where to find me".

I asked DP what this meant. He said that they were joking that on paper and in another universe they would have been married. AIBU to think WTF?

OP posts:
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Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 09/12/2025 13:17

Go and find someone who deserves you, OP, because he clearly doesn't.

carchi · 09/12/2025 08:46

mumofoneAloneandwell · 07/12/2025 19:31

First post nails it.

Agree. There is no grey area when an affair is imminent and their level of disrespectful for OP is staggering.

HatStickBoots · 09/12/2025 08:20

What would be the “one wrong move” that would trigger him to leave you? I bet he loves having that safety net in place and he can fabricate any reason he likes to justify leaving you if and when he wants to. It sounds really threatening to me and the fact that he’s sheepishly encouraging it and enjoying it is such an insult to you OP. If he values you at all, he needs to cut this crap immediately or get out. It would be better for you to end your relationship with him now rather than let it limp on with this hanging over your head and chipping at your sanity on a daily basis. The trust is gone, as whatever it is they confided and share to get thus far is something you’re not privy to. They’re a club that you’re not invited to. Get rid. You’ll be grateful in the long run.

AmberRose86 · 09/12/2025 08:11

PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/12/2025 20:11

Im not a "fighter" but im northern and I would have smacked the shit out of her if I heard that op and he shouldn't have entertained it.

lol what’s being northern got to do with it?!

ClearFruit · 09/12/2025 07:55

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 07/12/2025 19:08

I'm very black and white.
I would have dropped his stuff in her garden by now.

This.

RooomOnTheBrooom · 09/12/2025 00:44

anon12345anon · 08/12/2025 15:55

100% agree with this..... you're not married, he sounds like an absolute cock womble, and she sounds just like a cunt......

However, I'm probably older than you, perimenopausal, and have absolutely no fucks to give to arseholes.

If I was you, I'd be starting 2026 single x

I hear you! 🙌

DallazMajor · 09/12/2025 00:26

Urgh.

Please tell me you have binned this bell end.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/12/2025 00:19

chipsticksmammy · 08/12/2025 23:17

But let’s be real, he’s no prince and not worth fighting for given what he’s entertaining.

Oh, agreed!
I can't decide what he is:
Narcissist?
Wimp?
Did he enjoy flirtation and is now trying to back track on something gone too far?
Is he looking to end it with OP but wants her to do it after seeing OW at the party?
Does he enjoy women fighting over him?

Endless possibilities.
But, again, not a prince.

chipsticksmammy · 08/12/2025 23:17

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/12/2025 22:52

Not her real estate, though, is it?
I def agree OW was making her intention clear. A challenge, if you will.

But let’s be real, he’s no prince and not worth fighting for given what he’s entertaining.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/12/2025 22:52

FuzzyWolf · 08/12/2025 22:32

Not at all, more likely she was being territorial and wanted the OP to hear.

Not her real estate, though, is it?
I def agree OW was making her intention clear. A challenge, if you will.

FuzzyWolf · 08/12/2025 22:32

NormasArse · 08/12/2025 19:54

You were close enough to hear? She must’ve been really drunk.

Ugh.

Not at all, more likely she was being territorial and wanted the OP to hear.

NNforthispost · 08/12/2025 21:43

@gert nailed it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/12/2025 21:40

After more thought, I like the idea of a post-nup that was suggested. I would have two docs drawn up: a post-nup and a separation agreement/divorce doc. I'd put both in front of him and ask which one he wants to sign.

Lavender14 · 08/12/2025 21:33

NormasArse · 08/12/2025 19:54

You were close enough to hear? She must’ve been really drunk.

Ugh.

Really drunk or intentionally staking a claim because she feels that confident he won't react badly to it and because she knows it will cause an issue in ops marriage which works in her favour irregardless. It's not the first time they've had this conversation clearly given his explanation. This woman is no dozer.

theonlygirl · 08/12/2025 21:22

So you were all at the party, together and they were saying in another universe they'd be married and she said that to your DP and you were presumably sat close enough to hear it?

Absolute fucking arseholes the pair of them.

August1980 · 08/12/2025 20:54

Are you married OP?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/12/2025 20:11

Im not a "fighter" but im northern and I would have smacked the shit out of her if I heard that op and he shouldn't have entertained it.

k8jr · 08/12/2025 20:03

You're definitely not wrong thinking Wtf! I thought that reading your post!

If someone had said that to my partner I'd have expected him to tell her it's inappropriate and to act accordingly - removing himself from her company and keeping his distance.
I'd also have a word with her saying she's had her one wrong move and she better back the f up....and I am not a confrontational person!

Did you hear how the conversation even got to that point?

I'd be further pissed if my partner then gaslit me into thinking this was just bants, and didn't take my feelings seriously.
Sorry to say but major 🚩🚩🚩

NormasArse · 08/12/2025 19:54

You were close enough to hear? She must’ve been really drunk.

Ugh.

NewAgeNewMe · 08/12/2025 19:53

Do you have dcs? If so I hope you are married. He’s already moved on to her. Don’t do pick me. What a toerag.

Theslummymummy · 08/12/2025 19:51

So he's lining up your replacement? Let him

HipHopDontYouStop · 08/12/2025 19:44

Gertle · 08/12/2025 19:16

They both openly fancy each other and have made it clear they'd do something about it if he weren't with you

Imagine they're alone on a night out, drunk, and she leans in to kiss him. What do you genuinely think would happen? The likelihood is he would cheat, right? But EVEN if not, I am pretty sure it would go down something like this:

He says no but there's a whole lot of sexual tension and lip biting and "oh we can't... it'd be really bad... I really wish we could". They talk about the things they'd do to each other if it wasn't so wrong. They spend the night making "fuck me" eyes at each other, and go home and think about each other while they masturbate.

On Monday morning, they do this whole faux-awkward giddy apology to each other, confirming that although it would indeed be the best sex ever, they mustn't ever let it happen, and they were right not to give into temptation. They both applaud themselves for such self-control and he genuinely believes he deserves a medal and you're very lucky to have him.

This happens every single time they go on a night out. They find more and more reasons to be alone, drunk together, while things keep "nearly" happening. At work, she makes tantalising comments to him on purpose that she insists are innocent and blames his dirty mind. They're flirting constantly to the point all of their colleagues are aware of it.

They get closer and any time he has an argument with you, he thinks about the idealised fantasy with her, because they only know the good parts of each other. It's likely he'll start confiding in her.

By the time they do actually cross a physical line, they're both completely convinced that they really tried their best to stop it, but they fell in love and never meant it to happen and never meant you to get hurt.

I've seen it play out so many times.

It's a no from me.

I think "it's normal to find people attractive" gets stretched a bit too far. Normal is walking down the street and having a fleeting thought that someone is attractive. Normal is thinking that a colleague at work is good-looking, even though you hardly know them and never think of them other than when you need to ask them why their spreadsheet makes no sense.

I really think these situations, where two people have a close, intimate friendship and clearly fancy each other is not normal or acceptable. If you fancy someone to the point you think about them when they're not around, you feel giddy around them, want to find a reason to talk about them all the time, like a teenager? It's not okay in a relationship and needs shutting down right away.

I would genuinely expect someone to move jobs/move teams and block this person if they'd gotten themselves in this far. If not possible, I'd expect some iron boundaries and absolutely zero interaction outside of professional requirements.

This.

What they are doing is really creepy. They have discussed wanting to be together.

This is so disrespectful to you.

One wrong move? What a stupid cow.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 08/12/2025 19:41

She said that right in front of you! What a bitch!

Evaka · 08/12/2025 19:33

They're weeks from an affair if not already there. Dump his sad, sorry arse.

ZeldaFighter · 08/12/2025 19:32

Gertle · 08/12/2025 19:16

They both openly fancy each other and have made it clear they'd do something about it if he weren't with you

Imagine they're alone on a night out, drunk, and she leans in to kiss him. What do you genuinely think would happen? The likelihood is he would cheat, right? But EVEN if not, I am pretty sure it would go down something like this:

He says no but there's a whole lot of sexual tension and lip biting and "oh we can't... it'd be really bad... I really wish we could". They talk about the things they'd do to each other if it wasn't so wrong. They spend the night making "fuck me" eyes at each other, and go home and think about each other while they masturbate.

On Monday morning, they do this whole faux-awkward giddy apology to each other, confirming that although it would indeed be the best sex ever, they mustn't ever let it happen, and they were right not to give into temptation. They both applaud themselves for such self-control and he genuinely believes he deserves a medal and you're very lucky to have him.

This happens every single time they go on a night out. They find more and more reasons to be alone, drunk together, while things keep "nearly" happening. At work, she makes tantalising comments to him on purpose that she insists are innocent and blames his dirty mind. They're flirting constantly to the point all of their colleagues are aware of it.

They get closer and any time he has an argument with you, he thinks about the idealised fantasy with her, because they only know the good parts of each other. It's likely he'll start confiding in her.

By the time they do actually cross a physical line, they're both completely convinced that they really tried their best to stop it, but they fell in love and never meant it to happen and never meant you to get hurt.

I've seen it play out so many times.

It's a no from me.

I think "it's normal to find people attractive" gets stretched a bit too far. Normal is walking down the street and having a fleeting thought that someone is attractive. Normal is thinking that a colleague at work is good-looking, even though you hardly know them and never think of them other than when you need to ask them why their spreadsheet makes no sense.

I really think these situations, where two people have a close, intimate friendship and clearly fancy each other is not normal or acceptable. If you fancy someone to the point you think about them when they're not around, you feel giddy around them, want to find a reason to talk about them all the time, like a teenager? It's not okay in a relationship and needs shutting down right away.

I would genuinely expect someone to move jobs/move teams and block this person if they'd gotten themselves in this far. If not possible, I'd expect some iron boundaries and absolutely zero interaction outside of professional requirements.

That's genuinely convincing. I posted then read this. Now I've changed my mind.

What she said.