DH ‘sexting’ colleague he only met at work party

Do not have children with this man. Run for the hills. You deserve so much better and this will only get worse and more complicated with children involved. He has shown his true self to you.

If this is how he sees fit to behave when he's got the horn, can you really be arsed to put up with the next time he does this? That fact he tried to defend it tells you what you need to know! What happens next time he meets someone at a work event? He's disgusting

And tbh he probably already had physically cheated already when you caught him non physically cheating.

What are the odds that someone would get caught the very first time they cheated? Absolutely miniscule.

There's always a contact offence as a police officer friend used to say.

And yep, definitely cheating, as stated there is physical and non physical cheating.

Two questions - does it break our agreed to boundaries? Answer, yes. Would he have done it in front of me? Answer, no.

So it's cheating.

It IS unacceptable. Ace your interview, don't have kids with him, raise your bar higher and enjoy a better life without him.

Not cheating unless they’ve slept together. Not acceptable though and needs a lot of open communication between the two of you before you can decide what to do.

I once gave my then partner the benefit of the doubt over something similar to this as I couldn’t bring myself to end it over something that was somewhat borderline in my mind.

Yep he then went on to act on it with someone else a year or so later when we were supposedly ‘trying to sort out some issues’ in our relationship!

That was then the end but I should have seen the writing was on the wall. To cap it all she was a mutual colleague of both of us who gave zero sh*ts and was unrepentant when I confronted her.
Oh and she was married.

Gross. He’s grubby. It definitely counts as being unfaithful. Is he sorry? Or defensive?

Either way, he’s a dick.

Right. Thank feck she has no children with this utter creep. She can cut her losses and run immediately.

Well the TTC must be well and truly over now, surely
I mean, what a turn off. There’s no way you could want sex with this repulsive little manchild now, is there?

Please please please stop TTC with this man. He is a scumbag and trust me, do you do not want to be tied to him forever with a poor child caught in the mix.

I would honestly cut my losses now and get out.

If this is how he behaves before you have children together do you really expect him to be any better after? He has zero respect for you. Get out while you can.

Don't.

Definitely cheating, and he wasn't drunk, he was sober.
And if it was the other way around he would also think it was cheating.

Of course it’s cheating. And totally unacceptable. It shows a complete lack of respect for you and your marriage, and he sounds sleazy.

Of course it is cheating. There is physical cheating and non physical cheating, which is nearly always intended to and often does lead to physical cheating. Obviously physical cheating is worse, but they are both - irrefutably - cheating.

This is the acid test - does it break your couple boundaries? Absolutely yes. Would he have behaved like this in front of you? Absolutely no.

It's cheating.

Also, 99.99999999% of the time they do NOT get caught the first time.

And since he is now a proven liar, believe nothing he says.

I'd bet my house that something physical already happened at the xmas party prior to those messages

This is not someone I'd be having kids with..he will do it again.

This doesn't sounds like something new. It sounds like something that has been developing online for a while.

Honestly yes I do trust him now but it took, time, work in therapy and him being very remorseful and committed to earning my trust back. There were no shortcuts and it's extremely unfair that I had no part in it but I had to work at getting past it.

If we didn't have DC and other financial complications I wouldn't have bothered.

I think OP should walk away.

Please stop TTCing with him, he will not stop or change , children test your relationship they don't improve it, things will be worse after children. I would break up with him. It's easier to do this now without kids.

The arsehole is gaslighting you

God. What an embarrassment your husband is.

Those messages are so cringe.

Prick.

Wonder what the woman’s partner would think of the screenshots you should send him?

Please do not ttc with this creepy man.

I highly doubt this is their first ever episode of inappropriate communication; its just the only one that's been found to date.....

@Jaydee92 Time to look at the bigger picture. Does this sound like a man who is committed to his relationship with his wife? And, perhaps more importantly, will he be committed to his child (should one arrive)?

Having a baby with this man could be very risky, OP, since my impression is that he still has some growing up to do.

I would offer him an easy way out of the marriage, and see if he takes it.