DH ‘sexting’ colleague he only met at work party

Does he play in a brass band then ?

Please do not have a baby with this fuckwit. Think of its gene pool. This will not be an isolated incident. Run while you can.

It’s cheating.
He’d be dumped.
You’ll never trust him again. Prick

Again, your opinion. Jumping on me twice on this thread doesn’t make your opinion more valid than mine and it never will. Not cheating, but certainly stupid and immature. Close to the line. But not cheating. You’re welcome to quote me again but you’ll be wasting your time, I’m not changing my opinion despite your quoting me repeatedly. Feel free to go after someone else with the same view as me - there are plenty on them in this thread.

Does it matter what you call it? You are (quite rightly IMHO) effing livid about it. How long married, together? Sharing a mortgage? Does this behaviour fit in with anything he's done previously that you perhaps dismissed? How's the guy going to behave when you (maybe you both) are run down with looking after a newborn and aren't spending much quality time together, etc? Drunk/horny is no excuse at all - zero - you wouldn't be the same would you? Exactly - neither would a lot of other people. I would definitely be reconsidering the future together.

It certainly is pathetic and juvenile. It is also cheating.

Oh lord - don’t have children with this man!!! Thank goodness he’s showed you his true colours before there are babies involved. Trust me - I married a wonderful man, and life is so much harder with children. He’s not long term partner or dad material. Let him go find a way to relieve his horn elsewhere

Now that’s an intelligent observation and worthy of engagement. Thank you.

I wonder to what extent socialisation is a method by which the more ‘raw’ evolutionary imperatives are moderated. I suspect that’s clearly the case, but there are times where the old lizard-brain limbic system breaks through all that and carries on regardless.

There are certainly evolutionary advantages in keeping society peaceful, in attenuating overt and continuous competition for females, and generally giving both individuals and society in general time to get on with other stuff. Like building the modern world.

But what makes us human - and the most successful species this planet has yet known (although I can argue against that) - is our innate character, and yes, neurochemistry. All attempts to fight that eventually makes people unhappy. And that’s just chemistry too. 😉

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

He's already looking over his shoulder.

Depends on your self worth if you allow him to do it.

What a vile pair. “Bulges” and “tits” are now normal workplace chat are they? Are they fuck! And what’s worse is he absolutely knows that, he knows he’s massively crossed a line. But he cannot be an actual grown up and admit it?
The older I get, the more I notice that all the people that do this seedy kind of shit? They are all the same. All insecure, all overly needy, all have a whiff of “desperate” about them. Not exactly attractive, is it?

Maybe it is partly "genetics" and "evolution", but it is mainly socialisation.

Yes. That’s correct.

Please read Darwin and Wallace. Then Dawkins’ non-atheist oeuvre.

Between them, and quantum physics, that’s most of reality explained.

Everything else is just chemistry.

What a load of nonsense. Is that a wind up post?

This is BS.
Some men are bastards, its not genetic or evolutionary or any such twaddle.
Some men, like some women, are just crap people and making the "oh thats men for ya" excuse is dreadful.
Some men are fine upstanding decent men of character who would never engage in this kind of crap.
How sad that this is your experience.

Did you screenshot their messages and make a note of her partner's details?

It’s “genetic” !

WTF!

What is ‘wrong with some men’ is that they do stuff that men do. It’s evolutionary, and genetic.

And they are generally much less skilled at not getting caught than women are.

If this is how things are now when you are relatively commitment free, think how things might escalate when you are trapped at home with a young baby, during the postpartum, sleepless, generally sexless phase. You are still so young- get out while you can!

Sorry but I’m an “older” woman and whilst you may think “marriage is for ever”, which was the mantra of another era, it’s not. Men behaving in the way he did is unacceptable, I’d not want to be married to him and I certainly wouldn’t want my daughter to be married to him.

His “mistake” was not writing it down, his “mistake” was being a vile and disrespectful arsehole.

I’ve not plenty of unhappy women, who have stuck with an arsehole husband.

I’m glad that women have the ability now, to say no you’re not treating me like that.

For what it’s worth, I’ve been married 38 years to a respectful and decent man.

Don't be daft. This is not harmless flirting. I have been married a long time and of course one doesn't stop noticing other people. But this is not acceptable behaviour.

When people show you who they are and you don't like it, believe them the first time. People never do anything once. That is my experience. You are only 33. You can leave him and be in a new relationship by next year. If you have children with him you are tied to him FOREVER in one way or another. Just think very deeply about this please.

I feel we are the same generation (born mid 60s), and what I find sad is that our generation has produced so many women people pleasers who have been taught to accept the dregs. As soon as I stopped accepting it, my douche of an ex-H couldnt take it. Over 20 years of putting up with his crap.

Subsequent generations I hope (my daughter's) know what cheating is (again, Kaylee Rose's Cheating song nails it) know what to accept and what NOT to put down to the "it's evolution, how men are built"/ "men can't help it" / "life's too short" rubbish

Omg don’t have kids with this revolting man. Get out now while you can. You can do so much better.

It's good that you're angry! Keep hold of it. Use it constructively, and to your benefit. It's f***g abysmal that he's behaved like this, he needs to fully understand that, and he needs to tell you how HE intends to put things right! Please stay strong.

It's cheating.
Messaging another person in a clearly sexual way knowing that your partner would be upset about it is abhorrent.
It's a serious lack of respect and commitment. The defensiveness and excuses are an extra blow, he doesn't believe he did anything wrong and probably feels way worse about being rumbled than how he's hurt your feelings.
You could forgive and move on.
He will do it again or something worse.
He may already have alternative profiles, be on dating apps and insta messaging anything he likes the look of.
Believe me when I tell you that IF by some miracle that this is the first time it won't be the last or the only thing.
18 years and 3 kids in and I'm still battling the lies.
Don't have children with this man.
You deserve better.