Do you update your OH when you are out for the night?

I wouldn't want regular updates. A text if plans change or when on the way home is sufficient and that's what I do. I might text if something has happened that I want to share but I wouldn't expect a reply necessarily.

OP clearly you do want updates and it bothers you not to get them, but your husband isn't wrong or unreasonable not to do so.

Giving your other half a rough indication of when you’ll be home seems like a common courtesy. If you’re usually home at ten but your partner wakes up at 3AM without even a a text from you and realises you’re not home they’re going to worry!

Also, in the extremely unlikely event that something has happened to you on the way home, there’s at least one person who’ll notice before the morning and be able to contact emergency services.

Well, doesn’t it depend on what time you get home at? DH isn’t going to be awake at 3 am to read a text from me saying I’m in a taxi.

My dh texts me about a million times if he goes to a hospital appointment nevermind a night out that he's not done in years (he's disabled and not working atm unless these meds work).

Last bus back from localish big town is 10pm and he can see where I'm at on life360.

Only if I’m after a lift. Or staying out much later than might reasonably be expected ….as in not home on the last bus…

We generally let each other know roughly what we are doing. If I’m catching a late train I’ll let him know when we depart; he often comes to meet me at the station. He does the same. We can also see each other on Google maps.

DP and I are really different about this stuff. When out for a day/night I would text an ETA and update if that was likely to change, he wouldn't. However if I was away for a weekend or a longer trip I basically never checked in whereas he would call me daily or at least a few times during the trip. It's taken years of communication to find the middle ground we're both happy with.

We tell each other beforehand the plan which will include a rough return time. If things change and we'll be later we message with the new time.

I'd be a bit pissed off if he's expected home for a meal, doesn't update and doesn't turn up.

With young children, I'd expect him to limit the times he's not ready to do a fair share of parenting in the morning. Or not around to deal with bedtime etc.

Now DS is a teenager we both just get on with it. We're walkable from town, cabs/ubers are easy to come by. I got in about quarter to four this morning. Lovely nap on the sofa this afternoon. I have a night out on that scale about 5 times a year.

If i felt a reason to yes but I am a big girl I can look after myself, same with dh we are both adults

No, maybe before I go out I will say I am aiming to to be back by 11 for example. But then once I'm out I focus on my friends.

If either is us is out, we often message around bedtime to ask how the evening has been with the kids. Then we tell each other when we're leaving (takes about 20-30 min if were local, but generally we're in London so that's 1-1.5h).

We tend to get home relatively early so if we haven't heard anything around 10-11pm when we go to bed, whoever is home would generally check in. Particularly if we're in London.

But it happens that we don't reply because we're distracted and don't see it.

We usually let each other know if we’re going to be out beyond 11ish so the other can go to bed. He generally messages once he’s on the way home but I confess that I don’t always remember especially once it’s been established that I’m going to be late late.

No. I don't think we really ever update each other on timings, where wea are, etc - but we don't communicate well in general!

He doesn't go out very often, it is usually me encouraging him to go, and even then he is always home at a reasonable time, so I wouldn't normally have any reason to worry. If he was the type of guy who stayed out on the lash till 3am every weekend then I wouldn't have married him.

I don't expect him to text or call, though sometimes he does and it's nice. I can't really expect it though because I am fucking awful for forgetting to text him when I am out, and I know he does worry about me. I have stopped promising I will text him because I always forget.

Sorry DH

I don't contact dh unless there are major changes. or it's incredibly boring
neither does he.

we agree on a rough expected return time and location of the evening.

God no. When im out im out. Why would I be on my phone, its doesn't come out of my bag.

OH likes his evening to himself and would feel a bit smothered if I was sending him texts to update him on what I was doing thoughout the evening

Definitely not. If I’m out it’s because I’m running the event (work) or spending time with my friends. Rude to then be on my phone/pop off to use my phone/what would I need to check in on DH for??

Nope. Before I go out, I'll give an ETA which is usually the last train so can't be later than that and wouldn't text if earlier. But then I'm out and in me mode. Focused on my friends not my phone or thinking about the little one. I need that time to switch off and not be worrying/ caring about other people to be a good mum the rest of the time.

No because it serves absolutely no purpose

Nope. I get back when I get back, and him likewise.

Too many things on the mental load pile already to check in constantly. That would spoil the evening.

That said, we’re usually back by 1-2am. Any later than that would seem unusual and may merit a call/text.

If I am out, I am out so no one has any idea of the time I am on my way home -might be early, might be late, I wouldn't even know what to tell him because I don't know.

We usually send a text when we are in the train or taxi home whatever the time.