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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I too harsh on my daughter?

128 replies

feedmefudge · 07/12/2025 17:40

19 year old daughter, on her way home for Christmas this evening from uni. She stays in Halls a few hours away.
I am happy and excited to see her but am also taking a deep breath at the thought! She’s amazing and I love her to bits, but she’s not what you’d call the most positive person.
So here I am today, on a rare day off (I’m working 7 days at the moment, to make ends meet), cleaning her room, changing the bedding, getting all the stuff she likes to eat, buying some extra little treats like new pyjamas for coming home, laying everything out for her. Oh, and buying all her Christmas presents of course.
So it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth to get this text, literally from her train home!

Sometimes it actually upsets me that everyone moved on from me moving out so quickly and just went on with their lives not being remotely sad? And my room was casually stolen?

To explain, her younger sister does sleep in her room while she’s at uni, because her room is huge whereas little sister’s is much smaller. However she will have it back for the holidays, hence the fresh bedding etc!
It just feels that nothing I do is good enough and that she doesn’t really live in the real world.
I am a loving, supportive and emotionally intelligent mum … but I’m afraid in this case I told her to get a grip.
AIBU?

OP posts:
JackGrealishsCalves · 07/12/2025 17:44

I'd reply, actually darling we were completely devastated but good parents hide that so as not to guilt trip their children.
Maybe when you go back we will cry uncontrollably and beg you to stay

feedmefudge · 07/12/2025 17:44

And I WAS sad when she moved out and told her so. But life goes on, right?

OP posts:
DarkForces · 07/12/2025 17:44

Not too harsh at all. My sister (now in her 40s) still has her childhood room untouched in my parents so losing mine to a sitting room did grate a little but I know I'm being ridiculous. I laugh at myself. I think it's a hard transition but as adults we have to get used to our parents reclaiming their home and lives.