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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do this instead of a party

235 replies

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:18

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

OP posts:
Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:38

It’s not just the presents

It is the entire “thing”

AutumnLeavesFallingFast · 07/12/2025 15:38

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

I can see I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure why talking to friends is so awkward?

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Because it's a child's birthday, not an adults. Children want to play & eat party food.

its not difficult & doesn't need to be expensive to host a ( year olds birthday party at home.

other 5 year olds are going to be confused about going to your house for DS birthday, but nothing happening.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:38

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

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So it's about you seeing your friends, not what's best for your 5yo?

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:38

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

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You sent it out knowing yous husband agreed with all of us??

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:34

For 5 year olds ??

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I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 07/12/2025 15:36

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:32

Sorry but that is really, really odd.

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I agree. I initially thought was for local family. For friends it would be strange. Children expect to play a few games/do an activity, and sing happy birthday to birthday child as a bare minimum. Could just be for an hour, outside a meal time so squash, few snacks and cake could be enough if money is an issue.

Or if you don't want the hassle, just do something as a family instead, that's fine, children don't need a party every year.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:36

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

I can see I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure why talking to friends is so awkward?

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Because your son is five Confused

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:35

Op…. Have you ever been invited to such a thing? For a young child’s birthday?

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:35

Your husband is 100% correct on this

Shame you sent the invites without him on board

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

I can see I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure why talking to friends is so awkward?

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For 5 year olds ??

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

5

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A drop in
with a 5 year old?

Surely it’s his birthday and you’ll be out and about doing something for him? Not hanging around on off chance someone swings by for some cake.

as if your ds would be happy with that.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

5

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Surely your 5yo would rather have a party than a load of random people sitting around eating cake? Confused

What if nobody turns up?

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:34

Just seen the age....5.
Seriously the kids will expect games and at least some crisps and sausage rolls.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:33

...and they sit around making polite conversation?
What age is this for?

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I can see I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure why talking to friends is so awkward?

OP posts:
stichguru · 07/12/2025 15:33

How old is DS? Who are you expecting will come? If he's little and it's just family or close family friends, it seems like a good plan to see everyone and let people who might want to wish him happy birthday and people who would send him a present even if they weren't seeing you, drop one off. It will mean he doesn't get overwhelmed by a crowded house and being the centre of attention too. Any other little children who do come will just play with DS's toys while they are there.

If he's school age and you are expecting school friends to drop in, you are being really rude. They won't want to drop in on a birthday without a present, but you aren't really bothering to feed them or do anything for them. Either stop being lazy and tight and organise and pay for a proper party, or don't expect them to bother to come for his birthday.

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:33

How have you actually worded this invite?

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:33

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:32

I was just going to give people cake … like just cake!

...and they sit around making polite conversation?
What age is this for?

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:32

How old is your ds?

5

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 07/12/2025 15:32

I don't think it's cheeky, but it sounds like a terrible plan unless DS is a baby and we're talking about your friends potentially dropping in. As a birthday treat, having random kids call in but with no party atmosphere/games etc. is going to be really odd. The parents won't know whether to drop of stay/how long to be there for. I think everyone will just feel awkward and avoid coming.

Is there a reason he couldn't just have a party/day out?

Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:32

How old is your ds?

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:32

I was just going to give people cake … like just cake!

OP posts:
snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:32

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:28

This is for friends

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Sorry but that is really, really odd.

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:31

Won't his friends be expecting something to "do" like party games?

Bushmillsbabe · 07/12/2025 15:29

Just wondering how this will work? When the first set come will you do candles, sing happy birthday and then cut the cake? And then when a 2nd set come what happens?
As others have said, I would do a set time for 'cake and nibbles' so then you can also do something fun as a family. Invite a few children, do a couple low key party games depending on age. 'Duck duck goose' 'grandma's keys' 'musical chairs' are all easy, free options.

zipadeedodah · 07/12/2025 15:29

Yes I do think it's cheeky to ask people to come and visit you with a gift - even if the gift giving isn't stated it's certainly implied.