Page 8 | To do this instead of a party

putthefireonplease · 2025-12-07T15:18:24+00:00

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

Bushmillsbabe · 07/12/2025 15:46

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:39

We’re not doing a party this year but thank you.

But you kind of are. You are inviting people round to eat birthday cake on your child's birthday. Call it a birthday party, call it a birthday celebration or a birthday drop in. Anything that invites guests, has a child involved and is on a birthday will be viewed as a type of birthday party, whatever you actually call it.
I'm just trying to imagine explain this to my DD5
Me: we are going round to Josh's for his birthday
DD5 : for his birthday party?
Me: for his birthday but not a party
DD: so it's not his birthday?
Me: yes it is his birthday
DD: will there be cake
Me: yes there will be
DD: so it's his birthday party
Me: face in hands trying and failing to explain

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:45

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:44

I assume you're just taking the piss now 🙄

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I’m not, I promise. I literally said ‘if anyone is passing and would like to pop in for a slice of birthday cake between X and Y time on Z date feel free.’ Why would someone cry about that!?

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itsthetea · 07/12/2025 15:45

Child hears birthday and cake and will think party

i mean low key party, no entertainers , but party all the same

IPM · 07/12/2025 15:44

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:42

Why would someone cry if they are invited round for cake and they get cake?

And you accused a PP of being deliberately obtuse 🤣

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:44

Purpleharlow · 07/12/2025 15:44

I don’t think this poster is the one who is being obtuse..

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I think I’ve been polite but apologies if I haven’t been at any point. The obtuse bit was misunderstanding who was going to be sitting and chatting.

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snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:44

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:42

Why would someone cry if they are invited round for cake and they get cake?

I assume you're just taking the piss now 🙄

Wishimaywishimight · 07/12/2025 15:44

No one is going to turn up to say 'happy birthday' and eat a bit of cake without bringing a gift. It's all odd - so people pop in and out, stay for 10/15 minutes, eat cake and then go? There are going to be a lot of raised eyebows/sniggers.

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:44

If it involves you sending invites out.....then many people (especially 5 year olds) WILL think it's a party.
Sorry.

Purpleharlow · 07/12/2025 15:44

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

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I don’t think this poster is the one who is being obtuse..

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:43

ClaredeBear · 07/12/2025 15:42

Yeah, don’t stress too much about it, you tried something new (love it!) and it’s probably going to cause a bit of confusion. Wonder if you could send out a revised invitation?

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Yes, am planning on just clarifying things!

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Whoevenarethey · 07/12/2025 15:43

What did the invites actually say? It's possible that by sending out invites people will still assume it's a party and children will turn up expecting food and cake. At that age they also will need more structure and adult involvement - they won't just go off and play nicely! Especially if you have invited several people.

I think what you suggested is what people would do with family, having an informal drop in. With friends you either do something properly (which could be a home party) or don't do anything at all.

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:43

NuffSaidSam · 07/12/2025 15:42

Because five year olds don't sit around and chat, generally.

And certainly not when they've been invited to celebrate a birthday.

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They have been invited round for a slice of cake.

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Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:43

sprigatito · 07/12/2025 15:42

The thing is, if it’s “not a party”, then you can’t really expect multiple families to disrupt their weekend and schlep over to your house for nothing. It’s really strange.

I don’t; no pressure, if people want a slice of cake and happen to be passing great; if not, no worries

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NuffSaidSam · 07/12/2025 15:42

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:33

I can see I’ve done something wrong here but I’m not sure why talking to friends is so awkward?

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Because five year olds don't sit around and chat, generally.

And certainly not when they've been invited to celebrate a birthday.

ClaredeBear · 07/12/2025 15:42

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

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Yeah, don’t stress too much about it, you tried something new (love it!) and it’s probably going to cause a bit of confusion. Wonder if you could send out a revised invitation?

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:42

Why would someone cry if they are invited round for cake and they get cake?

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sprigatito · 07/12/2025 15:42

The thing is, if it’s “not a party”, then you can’t really expect multiple families to disrupt their weekend and schlep over to your house for nothing. It’s really strange.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:41

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:39

We’re not doing a party this year but thank you.

You don't need to do a party but don't do this weird half-thing either, it's just going to lead to disappointment and tears.

BreakfastClubBlues · 07/12/2025 15:41

I don't think it's as shocking as people are trying to make out, but I don't really understand the concept.

Why not just have a friend or 2 round for a birthday play date, slice of cake, maybe a McDonald's or whatever and done?

Having a drop in seems like more effort to me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:40

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:39

@Needmorelego they won’t. It’s clearly not a party. But thank you.

Well hopefully....🤔

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:39

@Needmorelego they won’t. It’s clearly not a party. But thank you.

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Twonow · 07/12/2025 15:39

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:39

We’re not doing a party this year but thank you.

you can say that again!

Original poster

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:39

We’re not doing a party this year but thank you.

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Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 15:39

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

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Because the 5 year olds will be expecting pass the parcel and musical statues because they think this is a birthday party.
Not being sent off to just "play" while you chat to your friends.

LongStoryLong · 07/12/2025 15:38

Is this a financial thing? Because seriously, a 5 year old’s birthday is the cheapest party you’ll ever throw. Sandwiches, crisps, cake, party rings. Pass the parcel, musical statues, pin the tail on the donkey. Get a stack of books from the pound shop and a packet of Haribo as a party bag. Two hours absolute max, everyone goes home, job done, happy days.