To do this instead of a party

Except there's no guarantee anyone will show up!

5 year olds aren't interested in dropping in to wish friends happy birthday. They go to a party cause it's a party. It does strike as we aren't having a party but if you come drop a present in you'll get a bit of cake.

But what does your son want? Because really that’s the most important thing. This year the 7 year old wanted a big day out, they were told that would mean no big party. So they had 4 friends round for a movie, pizza and popcorn and then their big day out. The 3 year old wanted a bouncy castle, racing cars, sandwiches and corn on the cob. So that’s what they got.

If your son wants something different, that’s all well and good but it should be their choice and decision, not yours.

Also @putthefireonplease at age 5 some parents drop and go for parties.
You might end up with a gaggle of 5 year olds expecting you to "do" something and all their parents not actually there.

I think children and parents will turn up expecting some kind of ‘event’ even if you haven’t specified as others have said. Parents may also discuss this too and ask what others are doing. If they are going and what time. They might all agree to turn up at the same time. This might be less likely in December though for a child in reception as they might not have been many parties already. It depends if it’s a well connected group of parents who already have contact details. How many have you invited? You need to be prepared for this. Lots of 5 year olds all turning up at the same time will need some structure to this.

You are inviting people around. You can say don’t buy presents but for most people this will feel strange and rude to turn up without a present so I’m thinking the majority will feel obligated to bring a present.

I agree that it is very unusual. I was initially thinking SC was late teens or something and had agreed to this. Whilst parents might not expect much with the wording on your invite, I imagine most children would expect a party, party food, singing happy birthday all together, and taking a party bag home. I bet most children will not have been to a ‘pop in if you like’ event. Maybe most parents too. It’s the type of thing you do for adults not children.

I agree that a big part of this for your SC is having friends around and them singing happy birthday and blowing candles out. That cannot really happen here and the blowing out of the candles is often a big thing to children.

I’m also concerned that parents won’t understand it, appreciate it’s not a proper party and be not sure what time to arrive etc. They’ll could talk to each other and agree a take to arrive, but they could also all turn up at the first time you state on the invitation. However the alternative is that they might not turn up at all. What have you told your SC. I imagine you’ve said something. Is he expecting a party? Even if you’ve not said party? How upset and sad will he be if no one turns up or only one or two other children, and he’s been so excited about it all day? Waiting for friends to turn up? If only one or two turn up towards the end, then he’ll be asking you ever five minutes when someone is going to arrive!

If I was you, I’d totally rethink this. You don’t have to do much to entertain them. Have a few spaces set up with different toys (Lego, cars, colouring, crafts, etc - sorry rather sexist list) and have musical statues, pass the parcel, etc. Do a few sandwiches and cucumber/carrot sticks.

I’m assuming though perhaps part of this is you’ve invited a lot of friends or the whole class and couldn’t cope if they all turned up together….

I think at 5, having a play and eating cake sounds great! Leave it as it is!

Well of course they’ll feel they have to bring a gift. But not sure why you’ve done this - hanging around that people might drop in? Is the invite including children or just your friends? How old is your child ? Frankly I’m not going to go out on a cold Saturday just for a piece of cake - I’ll assume you will be busy hosting and I’ll be sat with some randoms.

That's exactly the sort of party children had in the 60s, when I was little. They were great!

Reminds me of that episode of phineas and ferb when eldest used to watch it, where the teenage sister threw a party and she just said "its just a little get together!" and all her friends chanted "its a party!" bc it clearly was

Why can’t it be five friends and a set time as in a little home birthday party?

How many of his friends have you invited to drop by? You could convert it to a play date, but I think you do at least need to provide party food and balloons. And I cant imagine they wont bring a gift. So I think you'll also need music, maybe a couple of games? Pass the parcel is easy. What exactly does your son make of this, since it's his day?!

Is this a 'birthday just before Christmas, so can't be arsed to make an effort' thing?

The poor kid. And the bemused friends - because they will be bemused by the non-party 'event'.

I don't understand why, if you didn't want to do a party, you don't take him out somewhere nice for the day/afternoon.

I think this all just sounds as if you think your son is a prince and the little people can come and be honoured to spend some time with him! It puts me in mind of the Edwardian ladies who would visit other Edwardian ladies for afternoon tea!
I don't think many parents would be too impressed with an invitation to this, to be honest.

We did a drop in for my elderly Mum's birthday . Figured it was very near Xmas and people might have plans so this meant they could just pop in and pay their respects on the way/way back. We made it clear they could just pop in and raise a toast to Mum with no pressure.

Everyone invited came, arriving at the beginning of the time window we'd set and stayed well after the nominal end. Thankfully we had generous amounts of food, cake and drinks to supply and the neighbours who came popped home and got extra chairs.

Be warned, OP.

But you're not a 5yo kid.

Honestly, I would prefer it. I find parties awkward. All that compulsory hilarity. I like the idea of having an old-fashioned "at home", where people can drop by for ten minutes or an hour, as they like, have some delicious food and drink, and leave a present.

Children expect fun OP.
Not one or two turning up eating some cake and parents chatting. Numbers matter to get it all going.
Which means times. Dates. Activities to keep them having fun. Then of course plenty of nibbles, juice and yes, some cake.

What does your son think about it?

I think in your shoes I would set out a few activities which people can do when they drop in, eg make a Christmas decoration, decorate a biscuit? That sort of thing. Add a bit of structure. At the moment it sounds like the sort of get-together people have for babies where the focus is on the adults chatting not the babies.

I do think there’s a risk that some people won’t come because they’re not quite sure what’s expected so you might want to send a WhatsApp explaining.

@putthefireonplease Not having a party for a child is normal. I also don't see how anyone would feel obligated to bring a gift if it's just a drop in, as generally it would just be a child's parents giving them a present anyway.

Yep, exactly that!!

I think you’d have been better having a low key play date with some cake rather than the slightly weird drop in situation. I don’t think anyone would begrudge you a lower key birthday but I think you’ve been a bit vague with your invitation and there is a good chance your 5 year old will be a bit disappointed if no-one comes.

Because it sounds Ike an invite to something. Then when they turn up there's nothing.

5 year olds expect something. Can you have some games at least for them to play?

What is it? That's the thing. Generally kids of school age either have parties or they don't have something with their school friends. Drop-ins for drinks is not really something 5 year olds have! I don't think friend's parents will think "we or little child has been invited to drop in and play for X's birthday" because "drop-in and play" is a play date that you organise one-on-one with friends.

It will be "a party" because that's what children have that are young an celebrate their birthdays with multiple friends. So for a party you bring a present. Also for adult birthday drops ins, you often bring food or drink (sometimes alcohol) as your present. If you aren't feeding the kids, then you aren't asking them to do that they won't have done that instead of a present.

As others have said, I don't think many people like from school and things, will want to organise their weekends around their 5 year old "dropping in" at a friend's house for an unknown amount of time. A party with a specific start and finish time they can work round. I think either organise a proper party, or only involve family.

you seem very focused on the gift side, but as a parent I’d be so confused about whether this is a massive waste of my time, if it’s just a casual drop in? People are busy and make plans for weekends, I may do it if I was mooching around and it was a neighbour however if I had other stuff on, I wouldn’t prioritise a ‘drop in’ as if it were a party.