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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do this instead of a party

235 replies

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:18

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 07/12/2025 16:29

I'd be confused if I got an invitation with no time. Invites are for parties not a drop in.

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:28

So he is having a separate party? What is this drop in thing then? And why did you send invitations to it if it’s not his birthday party?

SpryLilacSnake · 07/12/2025 16:28

Why would no one turn up? You can bet if someone is willing to have my child over to play while I chat and drink coffee, I'm there! And we can turn up and leave whenever we feel like it? Even better.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:28

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:27

But why is it important? Anyway it does not matter.

Because - to be brutally frank - you're making no sense now.

And I suspect you've realised your idea is nuts (because the poor kid was getting a non-event) and are now claiming there's some other thing happening.

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:27

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:28

This is for friends

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I definitely wouldn’t bother with a “drop in” - that’s not very fun for the kids who may turn up and be the only one there for a 15min stop off. We have things to do.

Sorry, seems like a bad idea to me. Why not have a 2hr play date with his closest friends with party bags and pizza?

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 16:27

It's basically a drop in play date with cake - sounds lovely!

But it's not even a play date because OP has no clue who is coming, when they're coming or how long they will stay if they do come.

OP, do you have some close family friends or relatives who are definites?

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:27

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:21

Yes …?

He’s doing something different for the actual birthday; it’s literally just a ‘if you’re passing’ thing, no big deal at all.

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Well, your 5yo is clearly very advanced as I don't know a single small child who wouldn't be really upset if nobody showed up to celebrate their birthday and eat cake with them.

I have to admit this is starting to read like AI.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:27

But why is it important? Anyway it does not matter.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:26

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:24

Why does that matter? I don’t mean that rudely, I really don’t; just not sure why the actual date matters.

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I didn 't ask for the date. Your Op says his birthday is on a Saturday, you didn't want to do a party so had decided on the casual cake invite.

Now you're saying he's "doing something different on his actual birthday". This doesn't make any sense.

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 16:26

I'm sorry you feel it's turning in to a bit of a pile on, but this really is a bit of a strange situation. Have you ever known a five-year old be "home for visitors"? And then sit around eating a slice of cake on their knees whilst chatting? How many slices of cake and chats will the birthday boy do?

Luxio · 07/12/2025 16:26

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:24

Why does that matter? I don’t mean that rudely, I really don’t; just not sure why the actual date matters.

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What do you mean you don't understand? It was a very clear question. Why mention his birthday falls on a Saturday if that's not when you're doing this drop in thing? If you're doing something else on his actual birthday when is this drop in for cake happening?

SpryLilacSnake · 07/12/2025 16:25

This is fine, people on MN can be a bit rigid in their thinking e.g..party must be 2 hours of cake, games, crisps etc. but I like this idea. I imagine you haven't promised him that loads of friends are coming that day so it doesn't sound like he will be disappointed if no one shows. Obviously 5 year olds don't just sit around chatting but they will play. It's basically a drop in play date with cake - sounds lovely!

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:25

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:36

I do feel like you’re being a bit obtuse here to be honest. I’m willing to accept I’m being unreasonable and should have been clearer no gift is needed, but ds having a wee play with friends while I chat to my friends isn’t that big a deal. I’ll clarify on the messages that no presents are needed!

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It’s your kids birthday - it SHOULD be a big deal. Have a fucking party with pass the parcel and loads of kids singing happy birthday to him you weirdo.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:24

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:23

But you said his "actual birthday" was on a Saturday...? So when is the cake drop-in event?

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Why does that matter? I don’t mean that rudely, I really don’t; just not sure why the actual date matters.

OP posts:
Whoevenarethey · 07/12/2025 16:24

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:21

Yes …?

He’s doing something different for the actual birthday; it’s literally just a ‘if you’re passing’ thing, no big deal at all.

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You still haven't said how many people you have invited and what the exact wording it.
I would send a message to parents clarifying.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:24

Greengagesnfennel · 07/12/2025 16:21

This is fine if his best friends’ parents are also your friends.
However if he has some friends whose parents don’t know you I doubt they would come with this set up as it raises the awkwardness levels.
I would only do this if I knew his best friend would come to this set up, and if I wasn’t sure I’d do a personal invite and offer a play date to be sure. It is your DS birthday after all.

Yes, they are.

I feel this is one of those threads where it’s turned into a bit of a kicking, tbh.

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:23

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:21

Yes …?

He’s doing something different for the actual birthday; it’s literally just a ‘if you’re passing’ thing, no big deal at all.

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But you said his "actual birthday" was on a Saturday...? So when is the cake drop-in event?

Greengagesnfennel · 07/12/2025 16:21

This is fine if his best friends’ parents are also your friends.
However if he has some friends whose parents don’t know you I doubt they would come with this set up as it raises the awkwardness levels.
I would only do this if I knew his best friend would come to this set up, and if I wasn’t sure I’d do a personal invite and offer a play date to be sure. It is your DS birthday after all.

Luxio · 07/12/2025 16:21

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:14

Except there's no guarantee anyone will show up!

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Exactly. Can you imagine the poor kid thinking no one likes him and no one came to his party when in reality there was no party and people just didn't fancy wasting part of their weekend coming over for just a piece of cake.

Epidote · 07/12/2025 16:21

I don't see the problem. Neither I think they should bring gifts if the come, some sticker can do the job for a very informal invitation to "pop in if you like we have cake". I wouldn't bother to get my child in, sound boring and not a party, and at 5 they want a party. But I don't see any problem.
I'm in the minority here but I don't see it as CF invitation, I see it as we don't celebrate but you can visit if you wish.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:21

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 15:48

Okay, and if nobody shows up, your DS will be totally fine with that, will he?

He's not a baby, he knows what a birthday is and that it means games, cake and a party. If you don't want to do that (or can't afford it), that's fine, but then don't do this bizarre half party, half- adult orientated chat. It's not fair on your kid.

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Yes …?

He’s doing something different for the actual birthday; it’s literally just a ‘if you’re passing’ thing, no big deal at all.

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 07/12/2025 16:19

I would say the most likely thing is that nobody will turn up, which won't be very nice for your DS.

FastTurtle · 07/12/2025 16:18

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:08

That's exactly the sort of party children had in the 60s, when I was little. They were great!

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Same but in the 70’s. We played party games and my DM did a little spread, I had cupcakes with pink icing and my DB had blue, pink/blue table cloth, crisps, sandwiches, home made sausage rolls, jelly and ice cream. Good times and I wore my Little House on the Prairie/Holly Hobbit dress.

Zanatdy · 07/12/2025 16:17

3 kids and never invited to pop in for a slice of kids. 5yr olds will think its a party and they will obliged to buy a gift. Why not just not do anything, cake for family. This is a bit odd.