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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do this instead of a party

235 replies

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:18

DS birthday falls on a Saturday. Not doing a party this year but doing a sort of drop in where people can come round have cake wish ds happy birthday. So I went invitations out. DH thinks we look like cheeky fuckers. And if anyone comes they’ll feel obliged to bring a gift. Have I been really unreasonable?

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 07/12/2025 16:37

I think this is what adults do for family and friends for big birthdays and for days like New Years Day or Christmas Eve ‘Yeah pop in from 2pm! Just doing bubbles and a bit of cake! Nothing special, pop in whenever!’

But for a 5 year old it’s odd. Their parents will obviously bring them and then what? The parents will chat to you and your DH for an hour and have some cake and the 5 year olds will piss off upstairs and play with spiderman.

5 year olds aren’t up for conversing over cake and their parents won’t won’t to talk to you, unless you are particularly friendly.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:37

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:34

But she also claims the actual birthday is a Saturday, but that the child is "celebrating with his mates" on (one supposes) a day that is NOT his birthday.

None of this makes any sense at all.

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Sorry, is there a law saying he can only celebrate on a Saturday? I’m genuinely really confused here. He isn’t having a party.

The thread has gone very strange and I feel some posters just want to twist what I’m saying.

OP posts:
Bushmillsbabe · 07/12/2025 16:37

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:08

That's exactly the sort of party children had in the 60s, when I was little. They were great!

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That's what I had as an 80's child. Our dining table sat 6 people. So I could invite 5 friends. We did a few games in the lounge like pass the parcel, pin tail on donkey etc. Then a little birthday tea with a homemade cake and candles.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:37

Whoevenarethey · 07/12/2025 16:35

So he is also having a party? With friends?

This isn't very clear. Have the invites for the cake afternoon mentioned this.
Dear X, in addition to Oscar's party we are going to have cake on Saturday afternoon as this is his actual birthday. Please feel free to drop in for cake if you are free between 2-4pm.

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I just don't understand why, if his birthday is a Saturday, she's doing the "celebration with mates" on a day that is NOT his birthday!

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:36

SpryLilacSnake · 07/12/2025 16:30

The birthday boy will be there though? And it doesn't sound like you can only stay for 15 minutes, sounds like you stay as long as you like. Obviously if you have other things to do then you can't go but that would apply to a 2 hour party as well.

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People have busy lives and want to be able to plan a day which is hard when you have no timeframes. Popping by doesn’t indicate it’s a 2 hr play date, it makes it sound like a 15min stop over. Having to buy a gift, find out address, park and hang around for a cup of tea with a new mum friend (presumably given their age) doesn’t sound worth it.

It’s not a god awful idea, but it’s more than likely going to be a flop and I don’t know why someone would set that up for their 5yr old who will be waiting around all day - potentially with no visitors. Either throw a party, or a proper play date with food and party games etc. Or skip it and do something as a family.

My 5 yr old absolutely would expect gifts if seeing friends on their birthday as they’re young and that’s what happens at birthdays. In the same way that kids expect party bags these days.

Whoevenarethey · 07/12/2025 16:35

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

So he is also having a party? With friends?

This isn't very clear. Have the invites for the cake afternoon mentioned this.
Dear X, in addition to Oscar's party we are going to have cake on Saturday afternoon as this is his actual birthday. Please feel free to drop in for cake if you are free between 2-4pm.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:34

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 16:33

Maybe a bit stupid but I wanted to acknowledge the actual birthday!

How? By sitting in all day with some cake waiting for people to knock on the door?

But she also claims the actual birthday is a Saturday, but that the child is "celebrating with his mates" on (one supposes) a day that is NOT his birthday.

None of this makes any sense at all.

Needmorelego · 07/12/2025 16:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:30

Maybe I am ND as I am genuinely, without any sort of willing obnoxiousness, bewildered as to why saying to friends ‘if you’re passing , have some cake, there’s loads’ is a load of nonsense.

Sorry do you mean you said to YOUR friends or your the parents of your child's friends?
If it's your friends then I suppose it's a bit different.

JeRevien · 07/12/2025 16:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:30

Maybe I am ND as I am genuinely, without any sort of willing obnoxiousness, bewildered as to why saying to friends ‘if you’re passing , have some cake, there’s loads’ is a load of nonsense.

Because you haven't just 'said' it. You have sent invitation. Invitations = party.

Sophue · 07/12/2025 16:34

You are being VU. Children expect some sort of entertainment and a party bag at the end. Surely you can't expect him to sit around waiting to see if people drop by.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:34

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

You appear to have forgotten what you wrote in your OP

Maybe you need a reboot 😉

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:33

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:32

We’re not having a party?

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You said about five posts ago he was having a celebration with his friends on a different day. That’s the very definition of a party. Unless you’ve asked his teacher to get his class to sing Happy Birthday?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/12/2025 16:33

Have you really sent out invitations to pop round for a slice of cake ?
How weird.
and mean.

SingingOcean · 07/12/2025 16:33

Maybe a bit stupid but I wanted to acknowledge the actual birthday!

How? By sitting in all day with some cake waiting for people to knock on the door?

Luxio · 07/12/2025 16:32

He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day

So he is having a party and this is a separate random day not on his birthday to come and eat cake for 15 minutes... Your story has a lot holes.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:32

titchy · 07/12/2025 16:31

Hang on, your title and Op said you weren’t having party this year.

Oops. First rule of bollocks threads is be consistent!

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We’re not having a party?

OP posts:
Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:31

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:30

I’m not convinced that’s how a 5 yr old would perceive it if no one turns up (likely).

And saying “no present necessary” will make people feel even more awkward as they’ll still feel tight turning up without a gift even though there’s no party.

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Yes that’s why I didn’t mention it initially. Maybe a bit stupid but I wanted to acknowledge the actual birthday!

OP posts:
titchy · 07/12/2025 16:31

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:29

@snoopythebeagle that’s because you think I’ve told DS excitedly all his friends were coming round for cake; I haven’t. He’s celebrating with his mates on a different day. But on the actual day I’ve said ‘if you’re passing have some cake’ and everyone is going to be crying apparently? Oh and I’m a robot, ND (ofc I am) and my MIL is a definitely a narcissist.

Hang on, your title and Op said you weren’t having party this year.

Oops. First rule of bollocks threads is be consistent!

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:30

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 15:43

I don’t; no pressure, if people want a slice of cake and happen to be passing great; if not, no worries Smile

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I’m not convinced that’s how a 5 yr old would perceive it if no one turns up (likely).

And saying “no present necessary” will make people feel even more awkward as they’ll still feel tight turning up without a gift even though there’s no party.

Original poster
putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:30

Maybe I am ND as I am genuinely, without any sort of willing obnoxiousness, bewildered as to why saying to friends ‘if you’re passing , have some cake, there’s loads’ is a load of nonsense.

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 07/12/2025 16:30

Fine for family but for his little mates it seems odd and potentially very dull for him and them.

SpryLilacSnake · 07/12/2025 16:30

SunnySideDeepDown · 07/12/2025 16:27

I definitely wouldn’t bother with a “drop in” - that’s not very fun for the kids who may turn up and be the only one there for a 15min stop off. We have things to do.

Sorry, seems like a bad idea to me. Why not have a 2hr play date with his closest friends with party bags and pizza?

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The birthday boy will be there though? And it doesn't sound like you can only stay for 15 minutes, sounds like you stay as long as you like. Obviously if you have other things to do then you can't go but that would apply to a 2 hour party as well.

Luxio · 07/12/2025 16:30

putthefireonplease · 07/12/2025 16:27

But why is it important? Anyway it does not matter.

What an odd response to a perfectly sensible question. It matters because if he's having a separate party and the drop in isn't actually on his birthday then why do it at all....

OhDear111 · 07/12/2025 16:30

@putthefireonplease I assume gifts are for dc because it’s his birthday. The party is irrelevant really but do they want cake? Seems slightly odd just to offer cake. Is it for your friends? Or DS’s friends? This matters. Would his friends bother just for cake? Not sure.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/12/2025 16:29

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 16:27

Well, your 5yo is clearly very advanced as I don't know a single small child who wouldn't be really upset if nobody showed up to celebrate their birthday and eat cake with them.

I have to admit this is starting to read like AI.

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The most recent updates suggest it's a pile of nonsense, certainly.