To do this instead of a party

It's odd and I can't see it working. 5 year olds play, not chat.

It's better to have something clearly defined even if it's a small, simple party for an hour or whatever.

Can people please stop this? It’s so offensive. Many of us are ND and have different opinions from the OP on this. We aren’t a Borg.

You would assume this because this is what it means

People drop in on someones birthday to wish them happy birthday and give them a present. And you cant pop in to see a 5yo on their birthday empty handed, that's cruel

5 year olds will not love or understand this quiet alternative to fun.
OP, your plan is not a good one.
Really hoping you haven't done one party for one set of your kids buddies and other kids have been invited for this no effort "drop by" session.

You’re just not being clear/drip feeding.

Key questions before I can answer:

• have you invited your friends or DS’ friends to drop in for cake?
• Is your DS going to have cake for 3 hours solid while his friends drop in? Or is he okay to watch other kids eat cake and not be upset?
• what is the other event when DS is celebrating with his mates?
• do the people you’ve invited to drop round all know each other? Or will someone be knocking on your door to interrupt coffee you’re having with someone else who is a stranger to them?
• how long are you expecting people to stay when they pop round?

Erm…why have you done this?? 🤣 unnecessarily awkward

To be honest if someone invited me to casually drop in on their 5yos birthday for cake I would 100% assume it was a present grab.

No 5yo wants to drop by for a piece of cake. No adult particular cares about a 5yos birthday bar their close family, or particularly enjoys childrens birthday cake. No one is going to be just passing your house without planning mid afternoon on a Saturday. It's not an event that's particularly beneficial to anyone

Realistically the children will want to play, they wont want to play for just 15 minutes. So I don't really understand why you wouldn't just invite them all at once and do a mini party/playdate. The risk of the drop in scenario is no one turns up and your DS is disappointed

It’s what you do for a tiny baby when its
more about the adults meeting up. 5 is prime traditional party age. The child guests won’t understand. You’ll be faced with disappointment over and over again as different families arrive and realise it’s a damp squib. Absolute cringe. Also wonder if you are ND OP?

I'm sorry @putthefireonplease - I'm trying to be polite here.- but this sounds like a get together for you, and not your dear 5 year old son's birthday. I feel sorry for him that his mum will be having a nice time, while he is expected to play nicely (and probably quietly) with some possibly random children who come around. Why don't you keep that scenario for your next birthday?

Also, children aged 5 to about 10 years old are the most appreciative of a party, and it doesn't have to be held somewhere expensive either. In fact, I think that many children that age would prefer an old fashioned party, held at home, with games like Pass the Parcel, musical cushions, pin the tail on the donkey, etc. You don't even have to hire a balloon making clown, etc. I didn't when my children were little, and all the children seemed to love it. Of course - unless you live in a mansion - you don't need to ask all of your child's class to the party, about 7 other children would probably be about right.

Then old fashioned party food is also fine, and cheap; eg grated cheese, and p.nut butter, sandwiches (seperate, not together!), crisps, mini sausage rolls, jam tarts, jelly, maybe something seasonal from the party isle at a supermarket, and the birthday cake? The last thing you should probably provide are 8 going home bags (your child will want one too!).

The bags themselves are chesp to buy, then go to one of the cheaper shops and buy 8 small boxes of crayons, 8 little wind up toys, if for girls maybe 8 pretty scrunchies, 8 little bouncy balls, maybe 8 novelty rubbers - erasers - and if you can find some small enough, 8 tiny notebooks. If you also have some greaseproof paper and pretty napkins to wrap a slice of birthday cake each in, to go in the party bags, then that should be ok, and not very expensive.

Although I have said 8 for all the bags, because in my imaginary party that is how many children there will be, I would probably make up 10 or 11 bags in case any of the guests cute younger siblings come with their mum or dad to pick up their children up!

Yes, your DC's birthday will probably be more tiring for you than just having X amount of people dropping in for cake, but it is really worth it to see your small one, and hopefully their little guests as well, really very happy. I'm sure the people you gave the initial invitations to won't mind that you are now having a small party instead.

If I'd received that when mine were little, I'd have assumed it meant "we can't be bothered with the hassle and expense of a party, but we want the presents anyway."
A second message saying "ps we don't want presents" would make me even more sure that was what it was about.

Kids' parties are a hassle and a pain to organise. We do it for the kids. What does he want?

The issue that’s confusing people at the start was that birthdays for this age group tend to have certain expectations, games, food etc, but it seems you are having this drop in in addition to the normal party, unfortunately it seems grabby, didn’t make the list for the main event so pop in for cake, you may not have thought of it this way but it’s how it would feel to other children if they know there’s another birthday party. This approach worlds fine for family and adult friends btw, just not for dc

How many invites have you sent for this?

OP your posts make increasingly less sense.

Presumably the people you are inviting round for a slice of cake are not the same "friends he is celebrating with on a different day"? (Yet you also say he isnt having a party?!)

These people will feel compelled to buy a present, because he is 5 and who turns up to see a 5 year old on their birthday empty handed?

@Driftingawaynow people are very flakey and often antisocial these days. I don’t know OPs social circle but from my experience, she’ll be lucky to get one visitor. Which is absolutely fine and could turn out to be lovely if the kids play well and parent isn’t in a rush. But I think it’s highly optimistic to think people will be coming and going throughout the day.

The risk for the child is big. It’s his birthday and he’s likely going to be sat around the house doing f all. Hopefully he’s not aware of the invite so won’t feel sad if the cake goes uneaten and he has a TV day.

But it's not about the OP and her friends - it should be about a 5yo celebrating his birthday.

Her friends or the 5 year olds friends?
That's what is confusing.

How many people have you invited? How big is your house?
How do you envisage this working? How long do you think each family group will stay? What do you think the adults will do? The other 5yo? Any older or younger siblings?
I can see that this could work but I am intrigued to know what you were planning when you sent the invitations.

People are so tiny minded. Sounds like a nice casual day with not too much pressure and a chance to connect with friends. Lovely idea OP. Maybe your friends are able to conceptualise a world of greater flexibility and possibilities than the villagers on this thread

So what's he doing 'celebrating with his mates on a different day' - is that his actual party? And this is your mates dropping round to have cake and wish him happy birthday? I'm so confused 🤣

No one is twisting anything. You said he's celebrating with friends on a different day that's not his birthday (the Saturday). That's why you're having this cake thing on his actual birthday so how can the day he celebrates with friends be anything but a party?

You said he was having a celebration? What’s that if not a party?

Because we simply don't understand what you are actually doing?

I don't think you are being very clear and you haven't responded when people have asked about the wording, whether it is his friends that are invited or if it's your friends, and also whether he now is having a standard party with friends.

You seem to be picking and choosing who you reply to when some of us are asking your rational questions.

Also unless you live next to the bus stop or en route to the supermarket - will many people be "just passing" ?

It's not other posters who are making this thread strange.